For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

I am desperate to take a friend of away with us - my son is very sporty and doesn't like lying around the pool like the rest of our family does. He is always can you come and play table tennis, can someone come to the water slides and climb up 8 storeys of stairs. I keep saying lets bring a friend for you - he keeps saying no.
My red flag is not the money or the distance (perspective is everything I don't consider that a long flight - I consider Australia a long flight)...but the age gap. I get they are two peas in the pod but I have teens. That is a massive age gap - does the older boy have mild SEN needs that might be effecting him developing friends his own age? Do you think they are in a relationship? Neither would bother me but I would want the whole picture before agreeing to the trip.

Are you concerned there is a romantic connection between them? Or a vulnerability? Or the power balance is uncomfortable and puts your son on the back foot?

I really think you should listen to your instincts on this. It’s a long way away if something goes wrong. I understand your concerns having read your updates.

It’s only a trip of a lifetime if your son enjoys it and is safe.

Oh please let him go, it's such a wonderful opportunity. He'll have a fantastic time with his friend!

We took DS then 15 and 2 of his friends (16 &17)away for a long weekend last year. No weird dynamic, DS is very mature for his age and has several friends a year or 2 older.

I’ll be stealing that one! 😀

Not exactly helping the environment to travel that far?

Please!!! God help us.

Honestly, if they're such good friends let him go. It's probably for their benefit too.

For a while we thought that we'd stick to 1 DC and had a discussion. We decided that once DS reached teen years we'd invite a friend to join us on some of our holidays to prevent boredom and have something to do when we wanted to chill.

They're going to the Seychelles. They've probably invited your DC so the boys can mess around on the beach and they can chill reading their books, sunbathing etc. Or they can do separate activities, parents can hit the spa and the boys can mess around at the pool.

I can't believe I'm reading this.

If you were my parent, I would resent you forever if you held me back from such an amazing opportunity.

Can you not see that?

What are your concerns, the distance? Will he be homesick? Should they fall out? Two weeks is quite a long time at 15 tbh. You are his mum, you know him best, you will make the right decision I am sure.

That’s not a reason to tell a 15 year old he can’t go on holiday with his bestie so give it a rest.

I wouldn't let him go because the BF is 2 years older and there seems to be a controlling element to the relationship. Not for your reasons thou.

Last time I’m interjecting here….having read more of the thread I really think that at this point in the proceedings your son will likely never forgive you if you put the kybosh on it now. Unless you have real safety concerns I think its a done deal, OP.

Accept like its the most normal thing in the world, because it is.

Charity case Are you having a laugh?

When my kids were younger I often invited DS2 best friend to come on holidays with us. Not the Seychelles admittedly but skiing in France or similar. DS friend was a single parent who didn't have much money. Did I invite the child because I felt sorry for his mum? or saw them as a charity case? No,( I actually don't like her) I invited the child because him and DS were best friends from nursery and DS liked having him around. 20 odd years later both lads talk about the holidays they went on and the laughs they had.
Of course your son should go if he wants to.

I've worked in several secondary schools and IME it's not unusual for kids to have friends in the year below, or even a couple of years below. Especially in schools with vertical tutoring systems (where kids of different ages are in the same form groups) or where kids from different year groups are involved in a particular sport or activity.

Those saying there may be a romantic element to the relationship - there doesn't seem to be any evidence for this, but if they're going to get up to anything sexual they can just as easily do that on a sleepover at home as they can in the Seychelles! Open conversations about consent, boundaries and contraception are much more likely to be effective than banning the pair of them from going on holiday together.

Fucking hell. You jest, surely?

Separate natural parental worry and any insecurity you may have and look at the actual risks. Is the friendship controlling? Is your son vulnerable to anything? Can he cope with such a long trip? Why is this friend hanging out with your much younger son in the first place - do you know? It might be common interest.

Try and figure what’s worrying you about this.

It is a problem if ops son is not ready or willing….

OP, please let him go!

I have a large age gap between my DC so the youngest is the only one at home, she very often brings a friend in our family holiday, often abroad. We always pay and have never once thought of the invited child as a charity case, just a lovely travel companion for our teenager. We’ve made many lovely memories with her various friends. I’d let him go.

I would let him go although I'd want to know every detail from flight arrangements to accommodation address etc. I'd also want reassurance there would be no alcohol involved or late nights out alone given they are both under age.

I can't believe all the comments about the age gap being a thing.
Brothers are that far apart all the time. So are nephews. So are neighbour friends. What a weird obsession over a small age gap.

Let him go, it sounds absolutely brilliant. We would totally do the same with our son and his best friend (gasp, two years apart too, though only one on school).

You need help if that's how you think after reading everything that the OP has posted.

I went on holidays with my friend who was an only child (and also one who had a big age gap so essentially went alone with her parents as older brother much older). Kept the friend occupied and that was the goal really, I had fun with my friend and got to go places.

I can't imagine dragging a bored teenager around on holiday I can totally see why they are wanting to take your son and they have offered to pay as they know it would be unreasonable to ask you to pay given how expensive their choice of holiday is. I'd definitely let him go!