For not letting my son go on holiday abroad with his best friend and his family?

[TheAvidPlumRobin]

My son (turning 15 in the summer) and this boy have been best friends for almost a year now. I'm talking two peas in a pod best friends. They're in the same school, but the bestie is 2 years older. They hang out and chat every single day. In my opinion, they have a bit of a weird dynamic because my son sees / treats him like a mentor, and the best friend is the one who takes the lead; but that's beside the point.

The best friend is rich. He's going with his family to the Seychelles (2 weeks) for Easter. Surprisingly, he invited my son (who thought he was just joking at first). Either way, the boy's parents contacted me and we met up to talk. They basically told me that they'll pay for everything (accommodation, flights, food, activities, souvenirs, etc.), and they'd love to have my son come along with them. They said that I don't have to worry about safety and such because the boys are well behaved, and they're eagle-eyed. I said I need some time to think it though.

My husband thinks it's a great opportunity since we obviously couldn't afford such a trip, plus the family has a great reputation. I'm not so sure though. Firstly, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of my son becoming a charity case. Secondly, the Seychelles is very far away, and my son has never travelled that far before. My son is very upset with the no answer, and my husband also believes I'm being unreasonable and weird about this.

I still have some time to change my mind though. I do have some doubts about my decision honestly.

It's a perfectly normal age gap when people have common interests why are you all being so revolting to the OP? My lad is 14 but is friends with kids from 10 up. Do you always assume the worst about everyone ever?

Dd3 is 16 (year 11) and her best friend, a boy is 14 ( year 10). They are not romantically involved and I'm pretty sure she's not grooming him. They often go out with a group of friends, mostly boys and I'm not worried.

Not assume the worst but keep your eyes wide open.

You know the Lad, and the Parents better than we do. If it just comes down the fact that they are offering to pay, then I think you should let him go.

If you have other concerns that you think may be assuaged by another more specific talk with the Parents, then do that. For instance, what would happen if the boys had a major disagreement, how would it be handled. What if DS insisted on coming home? Would DS accept extravagant souvenirs or scuba lessons? These are normal questions to work out between adults, and to be reinforced to DC.

To me it seems totally normal for an only child to want a friend to come with them on holiday.

And it’s also pretty normal for the inviting family to pay. They can’t really be like “we’d love DS to come on holiday with us! Oh but that’ll be £3k pls.”

'You know the Lad, and the Parents better than we do. If it just comes down the fact that they are offering to pay, then I think you should let him go'

Well that's the point, they don't. Her ds has been 'best friends' with him for less than a year. Teenage friendships are fickle at the best of times but a relatively new friendship 14hrs away for 2 weeks is a potential recipe for disaster.

You are not being unreasonable.
Thank your lucky stars that you are a married woman with control over the situation.
My case was : A Divorcee with no control seeing my Teen daughter whisked away to Kenya and worrying about safety.
Safety comes first.
I dont think Two Teen boys are hoing to be held by a piece of string by the parents on a luxury holiday.
The world is such a dangerouse place nowadays.
Keep him safe at all times.
Also I wish my parents had had more tighter boundaries when I was a young teen. I was not able to look out for myself when left alone at weekends age 15. My parents were so naive.

I understand your reservations but im
not sure this is the case - If we were to go
on holiday when my youngest was 15 without a doubt someone would have to come with him - it would simply make it more of a holiday for him, no 15 year old or older wants to be on holiday with just his mum and dad.
Take the offer and let your son enjoy it.

I’m the same, shocked at responses, I wouldn’t feel comfortable unless I knew the parents well, no one knows the dynamics of family also if he was upset or something happened he’s so far away, he’s still a child.

It will be a no from me as I don’t know the parents well. I don’t make it my first assumption they’re abusers or sexual predators but equally, I wouldn’t want my children to be so far away with someone I barely know. I feel this is an offer they should have run by you before they brought it up with your son - many people feel uncomfortable accepting such gestures and there’s nothing wrong with that. But instead, they’re putting you in the position of the bad guy who’s refusing their child a great opportunity.

No, I wouldn’t feel comfortable to accept a 5-6k worth of gift from someone I’ve met once.

Second, spending two weeks away with a BFF can be a volatile situation in teenage years - they’ll have to share a room, will have no personal space - for someone like me, even in my teenage years that was intimidating and I needed my own space after a few days. But then again, you know your son.

Last but not least, mixing with people from different walks of life can be very beneficial but it could also be harmful for an insecure teen. When I was that age, I was dating a boy from a very very wealthy family. Although he was nice and lovely, the great difference in our financial situation made me very resentful towards my own family and I was ashamed to invite him at home. Yes, not my proudest moment, I was insecure and mean towards my parents but I’m being very honest here. So there should be a certain level of maturity and grace if you’re friends with someone much wealthier.

I am surprised how many people here just see the fun side - all good and great but only in theory.

I’d offer to consider a trip away for a weekend, somewhere closer and where you can participate financially.

Agree I was sexually by an older brother whilst on a family holiday with a friend.

@Harry12345 that’s heartbreaking

Let him go, I honestly don't think it's a case of charity at all, my daughter is an only child on my side of the family so we frequently took her bestie away with us, it made for a better holiday as I didn't have a miserable sulky teen on my hands!

Completely agree.
Its insanity.

If I had the money to take my son’s friends on holiday with us I absolutely would! 14/15 is an awkward age where they don’t really want to hang about with you and spend most of the holiday with their face tripping them and would rather be with their friends! I would accept their offer, it will be a better holiday for everyone all round.

This may have been said already, but have you considered what you would do if for any reason your son was very unhappy out there and wanted to come home? Two weeks is a long time, even for two besties to spend 24/7 in one another’s company. It doesn’t sound like you paying for a brand new flight home is an option for you. Are the existing flights flexible, do you know?

Remember, their son is an only child so they will also have a lot more disposable income that folks with bigger families. You’re the one essentially doing them a favour by keeping their son occupied so that they can enjoy a bit of peace knowing that he’s also happy and spending time with his pal.

I haven’t read through all the posts, but I was invited and went to something similar with my best friend when I was 16.
At the time I had no idea of the value of the holiday they had paid for me, it was a fantastic holiday - once in a lifetime, I got to experience an area of the world that I never have been able to again and I think of it with great fondness even though me and the friend drifted apart a bit a few years later (college/uni etc)
I knew we were the poorer family - by far, but it was never used as an insult to me. Her family treated me as one of their own. I always felt comfortable and safe.
Let him go, send him with spending money enough to cover day trips and an instruction to pick up the dinner tab one night.
its unlikely he’s going to feel the disparity at the level you do, unless you use it as the reason for him not to go.
The friend I went with had many siblings, and we would look after/keep busy (in the same house) the younger ones when the adults would have a drink outside.
I imagine this mum and dad will have a similar additional motivator that if their boy has company, they can get some peace and quiet whilst there, knowing that their son has company.
remember - there was no obligation whatsoever for them to ask this, they’ve offered because they genuinely want to. Let him go 😊

I went on holiday with a friend and family as a kid. Pretty sure they paid for my flights, we usually had camping holidays in Wales. Everyone benefits, why over think this?

I’m parent of an only child. We love travelling and when we decided to be one and done we also appreciated that once our DC is older they won’t want to travel with just us and will want their friends. So we know and are prepared to, once that happens, to offer for their friends to come and cover everything (regardless of their financial situation). This will make our trip as a family (and hopefully for the friend too) way more enjoyable than having a sulky teen complaining and refusing to participate in activities or wanting to stay in the hotel just to chat with the friend. Just offering the other perspective.

I'd let him go.

I'm surprised how many posters are suspicious of the age gap. My sons are 19 and 17, and they hang out in a big group, with an age range of 17-20, and have done for a few years.

Seeing dangers everywhere makes for a very limited way of life

We all have our boundaries. Is everyone really that happy to accept a very lavish gift for their son by people they barely know?

I don't see it as a lavish gift but an amazing experience in which everyone benefits

Sure, to each their own. To me that’s a huge gesture I’d only be comfortable to accept from close family or friends.