Friend mad because I sat down to have coffee

[trekking1]

Please tell me if I am being BU or is she.

Made plans with two friends to go on a walk this morning. Me and one friend arrive on time, the other one is late. Neither of us had coffee this morning so we sat down in the nearest coffee shop and told our friend to meet us there. She arrives, orders coffee and food (this info will be important later) and after we go on the walk. Everything was completely fine during the walk, but when I got home I received a fuming message from her!

She said that we knew she was broke and that's why she wanted to go on a walk and it was really insensitive that we sat down to have coffee forcing her to spend money. I responded no one forced her to have anything as she could have just had water and that if I need coffee because I haven't had one this morning, it's unreasonable to expect I'm gonna give up having one because of her.

Her reply was that she felt forced to order something because the staff would judge her. I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything. Then I asked her if she is so broke, why on earth did she order coffee AND food?😂I got no reply.

She was late, perfectly fine u have a coffee, she could've just sat with you or had water or a coffee. Yanbu at all! She's an adult and choose to order or not. Xx

And if she had showed up on time no one would have sat down. You could and your other friend could just as easily argue that she "made" you buy coffee by being late.

She is crazy.

tell her the shop staff wouldn't judge her , if anything going by the size of her thighs they'd praise her for not buying food ( i'm not helping am i ? sorry x)

Staff couldn’t care less! I frequently meet up to 8 friends in a pub. One seldom drinks and often has tap water or soda water which is free, because that what she likes!

So she turns up 20 minutes late and presumably as you expected her to be late as she always is you went to get coffee. She then opts for coffee and food in spite of keeping you waiting presumably meaning you were all even later starting your walk? Why didn't she just come in and wait for you to finish your coffee? No money spent then.

A friend like that would infuriate me. Always late then moaning at you because she has no will power. YANBU

Perhaps she'll think twice about being late next time.

If I was so short that I couldn't afford a coffee, I would stay at home or invite friends around to start the walk from my home.
Also, points for a free coffee are just the thing for tight money situations.
Now you know she is having difficulties, maybe buy her a coffee when you next meet up?

If you read the op's posts she has mentioned more than once that she has offered to get her coffee in the past which her friend has declined.

OP already knows that friend is "broke" or at least, as told op so, but that doesn't tally up with suggesting on going on holiday!

I am astonished at the suggestions from others that op should have offered to buy her a coffee after being late! Why should she be rewarded a free coffee for being late!

Never heard anything so ridiculous. If she’s low on money, she should have taken a flask on a walk and maybe a snack from home. I go on walks (and for coffees!) all the time and never care what anyone orders. Do your own thing.

It sounds like she had real issues with money (and will power) and is taking it out on you. Do you know if she has serious money issues or is she just low this month?

I can’t imagine having a friendship group where my friend can’t order a coffee on a walk. What a sad life that would be!

She’s 30 plus so she needs to learn to budget but also accept that she can’t control others lives. If she is struggling, take a coffee from home, buy the cheapest coffee when your out, dont order food - these are normal decisions we all make when budgeting for the month. Trying to guilt your friend for ordering a hot drink on a walk screams she has serious problems.

If she was a close friend that the OP cares about, i’d try and find out what the real problem is. Coffee is not the problem.

what Is DM?

daily mail

@LighthouseTheme but the friend ordered food and coffee! Despite being about 20 mins late! OP & the other friend were probably almost finished their coffees. They then had to wait even longer for the huffy broke friend to have her coffee & food before they could go on their walk.

Maybe it's a weird power trip. You'll wait twenty minutes for me, now let's see how you are when I order food ..

Why didn’t you offer to buy your ‘friend’ a coffee that would of been nice

I think this is neither here nor there. It was due to the friend not being on time they’d even sat down to order coffee in the first place, but apparently OP did offer multiple times and the friend declined.

To posters suggesting op should buy her a coffee, RTFT!

OP has already said that she's offered to buy her a coffee many times previously, but friend has declined.

Also, what sort of example is it setting of you're frequently late, then you get coffee bought for you?

The natural consequence of being late is that you miss out on things, and/or things get delayed.

Would you be miffed if you were 20 minutes late in the first place and that was clearly the reason why the friends had sat down? If so you’d be very unreasonable!

I think her being late is more unreasonable tbh!
But, if she's broken, why order food as well as coffee?!
She's obviously just ticked off at herself so she's venting...

This would really hack me off, it's so rude to be always late.

Yanbu, your friend is weird. when i am broke i don't go buying food at say costa coffee maybe a coffee to feel im taking part but i dont then also go one step above them and order food o_0

So she is 30+, was 20 mins late.. ordered food and coffee (I imagine by the time she arrived you were nearly ready to leave the coffee shop?).. she is being entitled to think you must stand and wait her arrival while there is a coffee shop you and other friend can have coffee while you wait for her.. huh.. yeah she needs to grow up and realise she makes her own choices and her own decisions in life no one has her arm up her back making her buy coffee.. she is a grown ass woman who if she is broke and is late can’t expect everyone else just to stand about and deny them self of a coffee in the process. She was broke she could have just got a coffee or nothing… just a thought

This.

Obsessed with image; no substance.

Some people just don’t think! Or use something called common sense when it comes to money🙄😱over priced things for kids birthdays that should be for Christmas? Now someone who moans about the cost but not buy coffee but food also, and then it’s usually cheaper to get it to go!! Silly moo!