Friend mad because I sat down to have coffee

[trekking1]

Please tell me if I am being BU or is she.

Made plans with two friends to go on a walk this morning. Me and one friend arrive on time, the other one is late. Neither of us had coffee this morning so we sat down in the nearest coffee shop and told our friend to meet us there. She arrives, orders coffee and food (this info will be important later) and after we go on the walk. Everything was completely fine during the walk, but when I got home I received a fuming message from her!

She said that we knew she was broke and that's why she wanted to go on a walk and it was really insensitive that we sat down to have coffee forcing her to spend money. I responded no one forced her to have anything as she could have just had water and that if I need coffee because I haven't had one this morning, it's unreasonable to expect I'm gonna give up having one because of her.

Her reply was that she felt forced to order something because the staff would judge her. I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything. Then I asked her if she is so broke, why on earth did she order coffee AND food?😂I got no reply.

You could have got her a drink....
(everything else aside).

YANBU

she sounds batshit

#yestotallybatshit.

Distance yourself from this passive aggressive weirdo.

(ps. Laughing at the way people try to find a way to blame the OP. Why do people do this even though the OP hasn’t done one thing wrong. You do get some nasty twerps in MN)

I would have been annoyed to been made to wait 20min, filled that time with a coffee, and then had to wait further as she ordered and ate food

This is so weird

People get upset ovet anything

You are not
wrong here op

Your friend needs to grow up.

I'm sorry she behaved that way. Did she message the other woman too?

I would ask her to apologise to you otherwise she won’t be invited on any further walks.

It's nothing to do with buying coffee,she pissed off because you didn't wait for her at the start of the walk and went for coffee. I have a friend like this who is very entitled and would be horrified at walking into coffee shop on her own.

Throw it back at her. Tell her you’re mad for her being late and her lateness forced you to buy a coffee.

Oh yes I had forgotten this bit.
So not only does she arrive 20 minutes late - no biggie you and other friend have coffee while you wait - she then prolongs the waiting by her order. Then blames you OP.

She is spectacularly lacking in self awareness isn't she ?

Oh god, don't carry the argument on, unless she does!

I’d have just said I’m skint, probably only bought the coffee. I’d like to think I’d have sat there with nothing but again I’m very polite. Wouldn’t have ordered food though. Not your fault OP.

@CoffeeCakeAndDaisys

she didn’t need to buy food though did she? No one else had.

now how are you gonna make that one OP’s fault? 🤔

@LighthouseTheme

why?

At no point did I say OP was at fault, I don’t think OP is in the wrong at all.

I just suggested that maybe her friend may be going through stuff. No harm in trying to see both points of view.

She needs to grow up

The madness that she wanted to have a go at you for her buying coffee and food?!
I'm baffled! Did she have a go at the other friend as well? Just out of interest

Wow, I can't believe she's trying to blame you for her own spending, and as you said, if she's so broke why buy food as well as the coffee. I also can't believe that there are actually people who are saying that you are being unreasonable, I'm just glad I'm not friends with anyone like her or them!! Oh, and by the way, I've worked in coffee shops and cafes and can 100% guarantee the staff would not even be looking at her, let alone judging her 🤣🤣🤣

The OP has said/done nothing wrong and to be honest imo it is laughable as to how crazy this so called friend is. An emoji doesn't make the OP a bad friend at all. Throw it back at her yes like someone said previously "your lateness forced me to buy a coffee " etc😀

1. You know she's broke
2. She would - despite being late - then be sitting waiting for you to finish your coffees (that you didn't 100% need to get)
3. A nice thing to do
4. It would have avoided bad feeling

I'm sure there are other reasons.

I have been on both sides of this, and would definitely have got her a coffee.

That what a doormat would do.

Good on op for not being a people pleaser to avoid bad feeling.

The friend needs to know that being late benefits no one. Her time was not more important than op and other friend's time.

@LighthouseTheme

nah that’s being doormat

1. Broke people dont buy food and coffee when out
2. They had been sat waiting for her for 20 mins, long enough to finish their coffees quickly once friend had deigned to arrive
3. oh no - is #benice the new #bekind <<vom>>
4. OP has said plenty of times that she has offered to buy coffee for friend - friend has declined. She cant have it both ways "I am skint, but dont want you to buy it, and now I want to buy food too and you can wait even longer for me "