Friend mad because I sat down to have coffee

[trekking1]

Please tell me if I am being BU or is she.

Made plans with two friends to go on a walk this morning. Me and one friend arrive on time, the other one is late. Neither of us had coffee this morning so we sat down in the nearest coffee shop and told our friend to meet us there. She arrives, orders coffee and food (this info will be important later) and after we go on the walk. Everything was completely fine during the walk, but when I got home I received a fuming message from her!

She said that we knew she was broke and that's why she wanted to go on a walk and it was really insensitive that we sat down to have coffee forcing her to spend money. I responded no one forced her to have anything as she could have just had water and that if I need coffee because I haven't had one this morning, it's unreasonable to expect I'm gonna give up having one because of her.

Her reply was that she felt forced to order something because the staff would judge her. I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything. Then I asked her if she is so broke, why on earth did she order coffee AND food?😂I got no reply.

This ^
She obviously needs to take responsibility for her own decisions, not blame other people!

You have...re think op..how you feel if someone was a late as you every time you meet...you going to run out of friends unless you change your ways

YANBU. She sounds petulant.

Saying she couldn't afford it after the event rather than just not buying it. Let alone then asking you to go on holiday.

If I was broke, I'd just have a coffee or a water. You were right to call her out on the food!

Well just consider it the same 20min late that you were 🙄 ffs

She can't actually be that broke if she ordered coffee and food. If you were genuinely broke you wouldn't be able to order anything 😕

I wasn't the one who was late, she was 😂😂

It's simple she wanted so she bought it. She spent money she maybe shouldn't have and it's easier to blame someone else rather than take accountability for her own actions.

Or is she possibly they type that always cries broke? Likes to be seen as hard up and forgot she was suppose to be broke and lashed out at being caught out?

I've been in situations in the past when I was properly brassic and chose to say so and didn't get a takeaway/coffee, or whatever, or stayed home. It's not anyone else's responsibility how I spend my money and I wouldn't ever expect anyone else to miss out or pay for me because I wasn't able to afford it.

Her name doesn't begin with L, does it? 👀

God, imagine if people actually read the OP's posts 😲 🫨

Let her stew, she spent her own money of her own accord!

I find that people often claim to be broke when they're not really, what they mean is "I spent too much this month so I need to reign in it" or something like that.

@Funkyslippers

also most people don’t clock watch to that extent when they go out with their pals

" I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything."

This is really not true everywhere.

I live on the continent, but I don't remember it really being any different in the UK except that many places were counter/bar service so they didn't really notice if you don't consume. If you go into a pub/cafe/restaurant you're expected to be a customer with the exception maybe of babies.

In the words of a Dutch waiter in Amsterdam to my Welsh friend 20 years ago the place 'is not a library'.

@Londonrach1

op was not the one who was late Hun
read the op

"I find that people often claim to be broke when they're not really, what they mean is "I spent too much this month so I need to reign in it" or something like that."

Definitely. It often doesn't mean they have 0 in the bank. I've subsidised friends over the years only to find out later their parents are millionnaires and help them out so I'm always sceptical now.

I would just point out that you were only in the coffee shop because she was so late and as you had ordered your coffee earlier you were almost ready to leave when she turned up… so she had no cause to be ordering food and drink.

If you are true friend to her and she really is broke, invite her at your home. If this is all casual socialising with the attitude " I care about her only because she makes herself available for chats ", then leave the poor soul alone. She deserves better, especially support.

I completely agree that your friend messaging you afterwards was not nice.

I have been the person who couldn’t afford the coffee, and I’ve done exactly what she did and ordered more than I could afford. The reason is because the thought of standing outside waiting until everyone has finished makes you feel rubbish.

When money is really tight you miss out on so much, so the thought of a ‘free’ morning out would be such a relief. Getting there seeing everyone having coffee makes you feel crap, you make a mistake of spending more than you can afford so you can feel ‘good and like you fit in’ and afterwards you feel bad because you know you couldn’t afford it. Planning a ‘holiday’ is likely her way of pretending and maybe a break from reality for her?

Maybe check in and see if there’s other stuff going on?

I thought that's what it sounded like, she is even more ridiculous blaming you when she was the only one who bought food

Maybe turn up on time so???

Is she depressed? Experiencing m/h issues causing her to be late?

Reaching out to her and asking her honestly if she’s okay might be exactly what she needs. If everything’s okay and she’s constantly late and complaining about money then reassess the friendship, if she’s got other things going on you’ve potentially helped someone.

You weren't unreasonable and she was ridiculous, but I have noticed a lot of this kind of behaviour among my own friends and acquaintances, because everyone is having a hard time. Sigh.

If you knew she was broke you could have bought her a coffee when you saw her. Youu don't seem like a nice friend.

I offered many times, she said no

She's a true friend by setting boundaries

Friend now knows her message was ridiculous and hopefully, she'll think twice about blaming someone for her poor choices.