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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend mad because I sat down to have coffee

208 replies

trekking1 · 17/03/2024 15:57

Please tell me if I am being BU or is she.

Made plans with two friends to go on a walk this morning. Me and one friend arrive on time, the other one is late. Neither of us had coffee this morning so we sat down in the nearest coffee shop and told our friend to meet us there. She arrives, orders coffee and food (this info will be important later) and after we go on the walk. Everything was completely fine during the walk, but when I got home I received a fuming message from her!

She said that we knew she was broke and that's why she wanted to go on a walk and it was really insensitive that we sat down to have coffee forcing her to spend money. I responded no one forced her to have anything as she could have just had water and that if I need coffee because I haven't had one this morning, it's unreasonable to expect I'm gonna give up having one because of her.

Her reply was that she felt forced to order something because the staff would judge her. I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything. Then I asked her if she is so broke, why on earth did she order coffee AND food?😂I got no reply.

OP posts:
Elphamouche · 17/03/2024 18:15

Funnily enough this reminds me of an old friend of mine. Also like a PP initial beginning with A!

No you aren’t BU. If she really felt she had to buy something she could have got a bottle of water or a carton of juice that would have been less than a coffee - let alone food! I am usually that person, I’m not a coffee drinker anyway, but if I’m not watching the pennies I’ll get a hot chocolate. If I am and I need a drink I’ll get water.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/03/2024 18:17

She sounds like a right silly fool

PossumintheHouse · 17/03/2024 18:20

Whatever the issue is, it isn't the coffee.

Allwelcone · 17/03/2024 18:22

You could say, if you value the friendship enough for the price of a coffee "Hi F, coffee on me next time"? That way you're not saying sorry but showing kindness which may help her see her ridiculous behaviour more clearly.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 17/03/2024 18:23

Your chum reminds of clowns that worked in our team and a fa mily friend whom I steer clear of

WigglyVonWaggly · 17/03/2024 18:40

She was late and always is: why did she simply expect two people to just stand around outside waiting about for her? You decided - in her absence - to do something to suit yourselves. Nobody forced her to order food that she didn’t want. She’s ridiculous!

puzzledout · 17/03/2024 18:42

WigglyVonWaggly · 17/03/2024 18:40

She was late and always is: why did she simply expect two people to just stand around outside waiting about for her? You decided - in her absence - to do something to suit yourselves. Nobody forced her to order food that she didn’t want. She’s ridiculous!

This!

Late people are so fucking irritating!!

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 17/03/2024 18:49

She wanted coffee and food but just used you as an excuse to order it.

Funkyslippers · 17/03/2024 18:50

I'd be a bit miffed if I'd turned up for a walk & my friends were already sat down drinking coffee as that's going to add about 20 mins to the outing and that's not what was arranged however that should teach her to be on time next time

Flakydaydreamer · 17/03/2024 18:54

trekking1 · 17/03/2024 16:32

To be clear, I didn't laugh at her for being broke, I laughed at her bizarre message. I mean she really claimed with a straight face that I forced her, a grown woman, to buy coffee and food!

It sounds like she’s scapegoating you for her poor decision. I have a relative like that. If they spend money they shouldn’t or make any other bad decision or mistake they’ll seek to blame it on easy target.

Original poster
trekking1 · 17/03/2024 18:54

Funkyslippers · 17/03/2024 18:50

I'd be a bit miffed if I'd turned up for a walk & my friends were already sat down drinking coffee as that's going to add about 20 mins to the outing and that's not what was arranged however that should teach her to be on time next time

Yeah we really wouldn't have sat down if she had been on time. We would have just had the coffee to go and drink it during the walk

OP posts:
Flakydaydreamer · 17/03/2024 18:59

You could say, if you value the friendship enough for the price of a coffee "Hi F, coffee on me next time"?

You can value a friendship without agreeing to be taken for a mug or scapegoat. If anything it’s the friend who should apologise, and seek to make amends, or if not at least drop her accusation.

OP doesn’t need to do anything more especially an action which might - in the friends eyes - support their claim that they they were hard done by. And sadly having had experience with this kind of person, I don’t think it will help to make them see they were wrong at all.

RosesAndHellebores · 17/03/2024 19:01

I simply wouldn't bother with her again. She can't be bothered to turn up on time so has no respect for you and then meals it was yiur fault she had to buy a coffee.

Move on @trekking1

TimetoPour · 17/03/2024 19:01

So,

  1. your friend is 20mins late then expects you to stand around awaiting her arrival.
  2. your friend accuses you of being unreasonable because you “forced” her to spend money she didn’t have.
  3. despite the fact you “forced” your friend in to the predicament of spending money- she actually spent more than everyone else due to her own excessive choices.

Fuck me 😂. Why do you even need to to ask if you are BU?

puzzledout · 17/03/2024 19:05

Funkyslippers · 17/03/2024 18:50

I'd be a bit miffed if I'd turned up for a walk & my friends were already sat down drinking coffee as that's going to add about 20 mins to the outing and that's not what was arranged however that should teach her to be on time next time

Don't turn up 20 mins late then!

Kalevala · 17/03/2024 19:06

She has no willpower and is blaming you because she feels bad that she gave in to her urge to spend. Even if she was too embarrassed not to order, she could have ordered a simple coffee, food was 100% her choosing. I know all too well the type that are 'broke', when they have no idea what broke really is too.

femfemlicious · 17/03/2024 19:08

This is why I don't keep up with friends...its too hard 😪

Herdingcatz · 17/03/2024 19:12

so not only was she late and expect you to hang around waiting for her, she then ordered food that you had to sit and wait for her to eat? Cheeky cow. Tell her to try to be on time or next time she can buy you all a coffee to apologise

BobbyBiscuits · 17/03/2024 19:16

Did she also call the other friend and claim they forced her to order the lobster thermidor?
How bizarre. I guess make sure you never meet her at a coffee or food place again. In fact maybe just don't speak to her again ever.

whynotwhatknot · 17/03/2024 19:17

she sounds very entitled youre supposed to aimlessly wait for er outside because she always late then shhe blames you for her ordering food she didnt need to

Serene135 · 17/03/2024 19:35

OP mentioned that she is often late and it’s clear that she likes to inform her friends of her financial difficulties. I do wonder if she is intentionally late so that others order coffee etc for her. Maybe she was annoyed that when she arrived there wasn’t a coffee waiting for her. It’s wrong of course but if I was her friend I would be wondering this.

SuperSue77 · 17/03/2024 19:39

So if your friend had been on time what would you have done about the fact you’d not had a coffee that morning? Have one after the walk? Surely the situation was caused by you not having a coffee before you left the house. How late was your friend? Did she turn up just as you’d sat down with your drinks and feel compelled to have one too? I accept ordering food was pretty silly on her part if she is trying to save money, but doesn’t change the fact it sounds like this situation was always going to arise as you wanted a coffee.

Londonrach1 · 17/03/2024 19:40

She is strange.. as some one who couldn't afford I didn't order anything and just kept friends company...no one said anything and did it for a year
.

Original poster
trekking1 · 17/03/2024 19:41

Allwelcone · 17/03/2024 18:22

You could say, if you value the friendship enough for the price of a coffee "Hi F, coffee on me next time"? That way you're not saying sorry but showing kindness which may help her see her ridiculous behaviour more clearly.

But I'm not sorry because I don't feel like I have done anything wrong

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 17/03/2024 19:43

However yabu and vvv rude to be that late...if this regular situation is dump you as my time is less valuable than yours due your disrespectful behaviour