Friend mad because I sat down to have coffee

[trekking1]

Please tell me if I am being BU or is she.

Made plans with two friends to go on a walk this morning. Me and one friend arrive on time, the other one is late. Neither of us had coffee this morning so we sat down in the nearest coffee shop and told our friend to meet us there. She arrives, orders coffee and food (this info will be important later) and after we go on the walk. Everything was completely fine during the walk, but when I got home I received a fuming message from her!

She said that we knew she was broke and that's why she wanted to go on a walk and it was really insensitive that we sat down to have coffee forcing her to spend money. I responded no one forced her to have anything as she could have just had water and that if I need coffee because I haven't had one this morning, it's unreasonable to expect I'm gonna give up having one because of her.

Her reply was that she felt forced to order something because the staff would judge her. I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything. Then I asked her if she is so broke, why on earth did she order coffee AND food?😂I got no reply.

She's cross with herself for spending money and rather than address that she's redirected her anger towards you.

If she's a good friend I'd ignore the messages (a bit late now I know) but don't engage further.

Very odd.

Yes

If friend was genuinely broke she wouldn't have ordered a coffee AND FOOD.

If she's struggling to curb unnecessary spending, then it's her responsibility to find a solution.

It's totally unreasonable to expect your friends to go without just to suit your situation. After all, the OP only had one coffee and not a full 3 course meal with copious booze!

OP. I'd be giving the friend a wide berth if I was you or in my case, I'd tell her exactly where to stick her whining.

She is a flake. Who is now deflecting on to you for her over spending.

Time to dial down contact!

Why are people insisting the OP doesn’t like her

Well if this happened to me and one of my friends I wouldn't be posting it on here for others to ridicule her. That's because I like my friends.

Did she expect you both to just stand in the street waiting for her? She’s an idiot. When you texted to say ‘meet us in the cafe’ if she really couldn’t bear to go into a cafe without having coffee (and food!) she should have just said “I don’t fancy a coffee so text me when you’re done and I’ll meet you outside”.

How late was she running? I'd assume not very if you were still sat drinking coffee and had enough left for her to feel like she should order one too

But I didn't post to have people ridiculing her, I posted to ask if I am being BU or is she

What on earth is MySillyDog81 on? Can't see any of the messages but I can only imagine considering every single post has been deleted!

She's ridiculous.

She shouldn't have been late and this wouldn't have happened.

Why should you be waiting around for her?

You then sent her a message to say you'd be in the coffee shop waiting for her.

At that point she could have replied saying she has no money so will let you know when she arrives and she will wait outside.

She chose to go in, order a drink and food!

That was exactly my thought, why order both? Surely she could of just got the cheapest thing in menu.

20min

@trekking1 did she have a go at the other friend too or just you?!

knowing how lukewarm most places serve their coffee I would have thought by the time she'd queued up to buy hers yours would have been drunk anyway and you'd be ready to go! So she could absolutely have got away with not buying coffee, the staff wouldn't have given a shit, and, as you say, there was no reason for her to buy food as well! I assume she didn't apologise for being late either?
Sounds like a CF blaming you for her lack of will power!

Oh come on, you totally knew she was being unreasonable and posted this for fun. You dont seem like you are a nice friend, maybe cut ties and focus on people you dont find ridiculous.

I'd tell her to find someone else to go on a walk with.....bye.

Why do people take it so seriously when you use 😂 on MN? Get a grip

@MySillyDog81 you've got deleted posts all over Mumsnet today - what is wrong with you?

YANBU. Your friend sounds a right pain. Does she often turn up late? That alone would drive me insane, let alone the bizarre behaviour with the coffee / food / message afterwards. If she had a real problem she should have confronted you then and there, or better still, turned up on time.

This

Sounds like she's got a bit of a case of Main Character Syndrome. Imagine thinking the staff at a coffee shop give a single solitary fuck what you're doing.

Yes she is literally always late

I can’t understand why anyone would make a post laughing at their friend, and nor can I understand ordering coffee if you’re broke. However the way you talk about someone that you say is your friend makes it clear the contempt you hold her in.