'Tell me a joke'

[Woopzies]

Had a work meeting yesterday. Whole team present including boss.

Boss, in a funny mood, goes 'tell me a joke.' One by one, everyone told their joke. We got to me and I went totally blank, followed by histerics because I don't know any jokes.

I hadn't realised until then that I actually don't know any jokes. The logical side of me says that it really isn't a big deal but the other side of me feels like there's something wrong with me for not knowing any jokes. AIBU?!

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

What has six wheels and flies?
A bin truck.

And my favourite one for posh company:

What goes hic, haec, hoc and stumbles?
A drunk Roman.

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bath?
Bob

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his arse?
Warren

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The barman says 'we don't serve string in here, you'll have to leave.'

The string goes outside and twists itself around and around and messes up its hair.

It goes back in and orders a beer again.

The barman says 'weren't you just in here, you're that piece of string, aren't you?!'

The string says 'no, I'm a frayed knot!'

If you're ever caught on the hop again, OP, you can ask Siri/Google Assistant on your phone and they'll spit one out for you.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Dug

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonky.

Why did Susan fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.
(Pause)
Knock knock
-Who's there?
Not Susan

I know its wrong but it is quite funny

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache"

His wife looks up and says "I think you'll find that's a sheep"

The man says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

Man walks into a bar. Ow it was an iron bar.

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?

Douglas

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

Still no idea.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.

A man walks into a pub and says to the barmaid 'can I smell your fanny?'
The barmaid says ' NO YOU CAN'T '

Man replies ' oh, it must be your feet then'

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
For being out standing in his field
On accepting the award he said “Hay, it’s in my jeans”

Oh FFS must you? 🙄🙄

Using that poor girl's death to make some sort of 'point' and spread misery on this thread, is pretty low.

Other threads are available if this one offends you.

How many goths does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they prefer to sit in the dark.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he'll hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around him.

Why did the wine waiter get fired from the nudist camp? He kept walking around with a Semillon.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming around in a pool? Clever dick.

Knock knock
Who's there
Yoda lady

A man is out drinking and vomits down the front of his new shirt. He says "Dammit, I can't go home like this, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says "Put £20 in your pocket and tell her a drunk puked on you and gave you the money for dry cleaning". The guy agrees and goes home.

His wife sees him and asks what happened. He says "A drunk guy puked on me so he gave me £20 for cleaning". She says "Ok but why are you holding a £50?"

"Because he also shit in my pants".

What do you call an Irish man with two panes of glass on his head?

Paddy O'Doors

What do you call a pile of cats?
A meowtain

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flat mates

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To show his mates he had guts