To leave my job and become a SAHM? Stupid move ????

[Summerstarsarepink]

The nursery fees have risen . They now are or more than way my wages .

DH and I are constantly tired from Full time work and running around dropping off and collecting and then sorting dinner / running the house .

Children are 8 months and 19 months.
I feel exhausted. Plus I don’t enjoy my job.

Yes in the future we will be eligible for free funding but for the next year it is going to be very expensive.

I’m wondering if I should take the baby out of nursery ( 8 months) . Then Change my son from full Time to three mornings ( when he is 2 he will be eligible for some funding. Which will cover this )

Then - just have a few years with the children. Enjoy them. Enjoy being at home . Not run around like a blue arse fly constantly stressed from work .

I’ve always worried if I stop my career it will be a huge mistake but to be honest I’m just worried I’ll miss my children grow up and my career will always be there ! I say career - I am teacher and I hate it !!!!
I’d like to retrain but once the children are older I think I will be able to do this.

DH just wants me to be happy. Nursery costs more than my wage. AIBU to just take. Few years out and enjoy my children ?

Side note - I by no way think being a SAHM is easy !

It makes sense but I wonder if you could keep your hand in as it were with online tutoring gigs?

YANBU. Do it.

Children need their mum; you don’t want to miss them growing up by being stressed all the time and running from A to B.

You will regret it when you are much older and you’ve missed it all working because society has brainwashed women into thinking it’s good to be away from their children.

Leave. Be a sahm with a one year limit - like mat leave. Then plan accordingly and take a year of bliss.

‘DH just wants me to be happy’. Would that aspiration include him paying into a pension for you, adjusting his work to support you returning and progressing? Would he prioritise you in the event of divorce? Unlikely

Barring things like unexpected health issues I wouldn’t stop work for any period, due to the high risk to my personal earning ability and finances medium and long term. Working PT was terrible for me workwise and it’s taken many, many years and several back at full time to get one step up.

Do it! Teaching is a career you can return to without penalties and you will not need to re-train.
I took a six year break and then went part time, took a short while to get back up to speed but the break had no impact on career prospects.

No regrets being a SAHM for a couple of years but we did move abroad for a few years. I did set up a side hustle to keep my hand in.

Good tutors are hard to find. Enjoy your children and set up a tutoring business. You don’t need to turn over loads of profit so should be less stressful but still rewarding.

I agree here. I wouldn’t just quit my job, ever. I like my financial security and independence.

you did have two kids really close together though, that’s the challenge for you really with the nursery costs. Could you get a childminder instead? Then maybe they’d let you do term time only?

The things I'd consider:

Can we afford it?
Am I likely to get back into work easy enough?
Am I fully prepared for the change in routine/being around adults/loneliness etc?
Would I be better going seriously part time so that its a balance?
Does my DH understand how hard the change will seem for him when I go back to work?

Once I'd weiged all that up, I'd then know my answer based on the answe to those questions.

Do you still get funding for 2 hours even if you’re not working? I know 2 years ago that this wasn’t the case.

I left teaching to become a sahm. I don’t regret it but at times it can be isolating although mine was made worse through lockdown.

If you can, I would. They're only little once. Be aware that the free funding for 2 year olds is only available if you are working. If one parent doesn't work then you lose the eligibility for it. You might want to consider working part time to keep the funding?

One thing that doesn't often come up on these threads - have you got friends who are free during the week? Retired relatives/NCT/baby class friends? It can be horribly lonely at home juggling 2 children at different stages.

’society has brainwashed women into thinking it’s good to be away from their children’

but presumably you think it’s fine for fathers to work full time.

Does your employer offer a 'career break'? It means you can go back after (I think) up to two years unpaid break and your 'length of service' is presumed to continue where you left off, so you don't lose accrued benefits.

I am a teacher with 2 kids and it is extremely difficult. I went down to teaching 4 days a week which suits me perfectly. I feel like I have a proper weekend and some more time with my kids. Can you take a career break for one year meaning your job is still safe to go back too? You could try that to see how you like being a SAHM. Then maybe go back part time while the children are still small. I'm in Northern Ireland and we have very little help with child care costs (20% off with tax free credits but no free childcare at all, my son is 4 & in preschool but I still have to pay for a daycare to pick him up and keep him til 5pm - £47 for a half day 😩) but I've been lucky that grandparents do a couple of days and my 2 kids weren't in daycare at the same time (3 and a half years between them). It's tough juggling everything.

Would your work give a year off unpaid so you can go back? And will you have full access to all family incomes and DH contribute to your pension? I’d still look at doing some tutoring or something to keep your hand in.

What do you teach/age group. Although there us a massive shortage of teachers its not in all age groups/subjects or areas. So be realistic.

Re the pension, only do this is dh will put money into a pension for you. Which is entirely possible. He wont match the tps but he could certainly put the statutory minimum of 8% of what your gross wage was.

If he’s on board with it all - being the breadwinner, paying into a pension etc - then yes I say go for it. You won’t regret spending more time with your kids, later on.

If you can possibly afford it, I think it's the best thing you could possibly do for you and your husband, and above all your children. They will benefit so much from being with you during these formative years and you can never get this time with them back again. We found it very difficult to manage financially when I stayed at home with our daughter and went without holidays, new clothes, meals etc for several years, but we've never regretted a second of it.

Most of the time, I'd say no, but as you're a teacher, you probably wouldn't have a problem getting back into it, so it could work.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that in my experience being a teacher was far harder than being a SAHP. I think the more immediate concern than finances and future is your mental health now. To be a teacher when you are hating it is a huge risk to your mental health because of how much it takes out of you. So take a few months (either finishing mat leave or recovering if you've already been back at work), then focus on finding a new career that you won't hate, whether that's retraining or something that will use transferable skills.

Your husband could be a stay-at-home-dad.

I’d see if you can go part time rather than give up completely. If you have a 8 month old did you go back in January?

Maybe give it a few more months before you give up. It will be Easter hols soon.

The nursery fees aren’t just your responsibility - why can’t DH also go part time.

As teaching is pretty much a guaranteed job I'd say do it. It would be different if you were in a job that you might struggle to return to - I know a few people who regret this decision.

Good idea to consider part time as a compromise.

If normally say it's much harder to get a job when you don't already have a job but You're a teacher so you'll walk into a job easily when you're ready. Or temping.

Do whatever you want

He could but presumably he doesn't want to, OP is the one considering it