To leave my job and become a SAHM? Stupid move ????

[Summerstarsarepink]

The nursery fees have risen . They now are or more than way my wages .

DH and I are constantly tired from Full time work and running around dropping off and collecting and then sorting dinner / running the house .

Children are 8 months and 19 months.
I feel exhausted. Plus I don’t enjoy my job.

Yes in the future we will be eligible for free funding but for the next year it is going to be very expensive.

I’m wondering if I should take the baby out of nursery ( 8 months) . Then Change my son from full Time to three mornings ( when he is 2 he will be eligible for some funding. Which will cover this )

Then - just have a few years with the children. Enjoy them. Enjoy being at home . Not run around like a blue arse fly constantly stressed from work .

I’ve always worried if I stop my career it will be a huge mistake but to be honest I’m just worried I’ll miss my children grow up and my career will always be there ! I say career - I am teacher and I hate it !!!!
I’d like to retrain but once the children are older I think I will be able to do this.

DH just wants me to be happy. Nursery costs more than my wage. AIBU to just take. Few years out and enjoy my children ?

Side note - I by no way think being a SAHM is easy !

In your shoes, based on what you have said, I would do it, but with a plan.

6 months to unwind, work out your new routines, enjoy the summer. Then start to look to the future. Could you do tutoring once your little one benefitted from free nursery? Or supply? Or look at ways to retrain for something else? If you dislike teaching anyway, then this is a good time to leave and reassess.

If being at home meant there was more disposable income, could you look at putting some of the extra into a private pension pot for you?

Never regretted being a SAHM. I enjoyed all of it. Was much less stressful especially when they were unwell, I could keep them at home and look after them and not have to worry about taking time of work. I could arrange playdates, afterschool activities, cook from scratch. During the school holidays we could do as we pleased.

No judgement from me but I watched my own sister run herself into the ground by working full time with two young children. She was always sick and so where the kids.There was a lot of resentment in her marriage. She could get quite nasty with me at times because I was a SAHM. At weekends she would not leave the house and basically sleep.

You can always go back to teaching. Enjoy your children.You won't regret it. My children are now 12,14 and 15 and I've gone back to work part time and really enjoying it.

Makes sense. Also just to let you know free funding isn't totally free and can be linked to working. However I totally just rage a career break in your position if you can manage on dh wage x

The fees are covered by joint salary not your salary. Dangerous to suggest otherwise. If you split up (50% of marriages end in divorce - so you’ve a one in two chance you’ll last and it’s not even a low risk, worst case scenario), are you financially secure if you’d stopped work? Do you have completely equal access to your husbands wage - joint savings, will he pay into your pension?

If you retrain, you do know most jobs have 4-6 weeks holiday, so you’re still covering childcare etc.

Id go part-time in the first instance.

You will regret it when you are much older and you’ve missed it all working because society has brainwashed women into thinking it’s good to be away from their children.

What a pathetic comment. You mean women go to work because they need the money and they have a job just like their DH does, so therefore they have to make it work. If your household doesn't need the money then there are choices to be made, but what about the people who don't have that choice?

Schools are struggling to fill vacancies and I don’t know of any teachers who are unable to find work. I was at the point of hating my job ( secondary) when I went on maternity leave. Six years later, part time in a lovely independent school was a whole new ball game and I could enjoy teaching again.

Do it. No brainer. Better for everyone involved.

Sounds like the perfect solution to me.

I did this when I had my second. I had worked for 20 years (I was 43 when I had DD) and the childcare fees were more than my wage. My husband was a high earner.
It worked well for us (though must say I was very bored initially), but I also have to say my husband was a decent, generous guy and it was always 'our money'. Though one can't deny the power shift once you are no longer earning your own money - that took a while.

Yes. Sorry. You are correct.
I think I missed the part where OP said that she hates her job.

But it would be nice for the dad to be home full time with the children, too, at some point.

I was a SAHM for 7 years in the end. Walked straight back into a role similar to what I was doing before (qualified accountant) as I’m sure you would as a teacher. It doesn’t even sound like you’ll take a hit financially for the first year. I don’t regret a single day and loved every minute of it.

Yes if you can afford it go for it. I did it. You could, in theory, have them both at home to save £££ and obviously it's better for everyone the more they are with there mum- from an attachment parenting point of view.

You definitely won't regret it, but it is hard. It's different for everyone of course- just a word of caution- in a years time you might find them quite challenging (when they are 18 months and 2.5) and you may wish that you had a part time job to escape to!

Still though, if you can afford it, it's better for the children 100% and you too I'm sure.

Just a thought. When my DS was at school, one of the TAs was a qualified teacher. She had given up teaching to be a SAHM when her children were small, and when they were infant school age she took a job as a TA. She said she enjoyed still being in education, but not having the responsibility.

So much biased nonsense here: where to start:

• Working mums don't "miss" their children growing up. They are still their mums
• Odds on you'll regret giving up your financial independence and diminishing your family's income far more than you'll regret giving up a couple of years of endlessly washing clothes, wiping food off kitchen surfaces and singing "wind the bobbin up" at playgroup
• I didn't know that mums were required to be attached to their children like superglue 24/7 to be considered mums. You do know, right, that historically most mothers have necessarily spent time away from their kids during the day (historically more mums worked than didn't work). And that they will spend seven or eight hours away from them when they are at school?
• Why on earth would society "brainwash" women to work? Who would be seeking to do this? Is this the same people who "brainwash" us into accepting 5G masts?

I don't have any particular opinion on the OP's situation although I don't think leaving yourself completely at the whim of someone else financially is ever a great idea. If you need to decrease hours, you should, but keep your hand in.

But I would urge her to ignore this sort of utter bobbins.

It makes a lot of sense for you both emotionally and financially. The ONLY pause for consideration is your pension - teacher pensions are generally amazing (26% employer contribution) but if that's something you can accommodate then i wouldn't hesitate!

For you yes 100%. As a teacher you will be able to work again so go for it! When they start school tho do head back to protect your earnings

Is there any way one or both of you can drop some hours instead? The 5th day of the week is always the worst paid and when the childcare costs are high, it often makes no or a positive financial difference.

Another woman out of the workforce. The gender pay gap continues. I hate it.

Anyway I know it’s about you as an individual. Just make sure you have a cast-iron pension and stable finances. Work out how you will split money if you give up work. Make sure your husband will still do childcare and chores and cooking in the evenings and weekends. Is he a properly decent man who believes in a 50/50 split?

I would not do it in a million years. And would not give up a teacher’s pension. We both worked full time with kids 20 months apart. No nanny or family support etc just nursery. It was hard. But 20 years on, no regrets and I am so so glad I didn’t give up my NHS career. And I have a closer relationship with my university-aged kids than anyone I know.

I'd consider it, but I'd try and go down to 2-3 days first to keep up skills and pay into pension. As a teacher you have lots of time off.
Does your dh earn much more? If not then could you continue to work full time and him be a sahp then you'd have lots of family time when you're off.

If you did, I'd want it agreed that your DP to make pension contributions in your name - and I dont mean equivalent to what you + your employer were paying previously, I'd be suggesting it was more than that, after all it would still be cheaper than paying childcare and you are the one taking a career break which might have long term impact. The economy is very unstable at the moment and you don't know what the job market will be like when you re enter it.

This. Teaching is a career where things are changing all the time, including the tech. Can you go part time? Or if you do stop, maybe for not more than a year? No one thinks about pensions enough, colleague in private school was at one point, working just to pay her children's school fees. Before anyone jumps on me about private schools, the logistics and fee reductions for teachers' children made it the only sensible option for her. BUT, pension contributions made, securing some degree of financial security in the future. Pensions are incredibly important and you need about £800 at least to top up a missed year.

Do it for a short period, my friend gave up her really good job. She was an excellent SAHM but it ended up being almost 15 years. She returned to work. Roll on a couple of years and her DH announces he isn’t in love with her anymore ,she spends time thinking they can rebuild and reconnect, it was the script and after a year of him lying it’s found out he is having an affair. She is now divorcing and is now screwed pension wise. You would never ever in a month of Sundays thought those two would break up.

Make sure your NI payments are covered and that you somehow keep your pension going or set up something.

Hi - he earns twice as much as me . So we can’t afford this.

I always find it strange when people say things like 'childcare is more than MY wage' - so? Your income is joint so what are they as a % of joint income? It sends a message that you think of the childcare as your responsibility. I wouldn't dream of giving up my career because I value financial independence more but my kids are older now anyway. It does sound like you could step back into it easily enough though so perhaps not a bad idea.

“My wage doesn’t cover nursery fees”

Does that apply if you factor in your pension? And NI contributions for your state pension?

nursery is a temporary expense. Giving up work is not so temporary and can have long lasting repercussions. It could mean retiring at 65 instead of 55, it could mean you are absolutely stuck if you split, it could mean not paying off your mortgage for an extra 5 years.

i did it, I’d never recommend it. I’m now 50’s and have nowhere near enough pension, still have a mortgage, and I’m still not earning what I was when I became a sahm. Five years out the industry and I was too out of date with current working practice.

i would only even consider it if your dh’s wage covers all your costs, plus stretches to maintaining your pension contributions. A teachers pension will be a considerable amount- I think mine as a civil servant is nearly 800 a month between mine and employers contributions. That’s a lot to lose.