To leave my job and become a SAHM? Stupid move ????

[Summerstarsarepink]

The nursery fees have risen . They now are or more than way my wages .

DH and I are constantly tired from Full time work and running around dropping off and collecting and then sorting dinner / running the house .

Children are 8 months and 19 months.
I feel exhausted. Plus I don’t enjoy my job.

Yes in the future we will be eligible for free funding but for the next year it is going to be very expensive.

I’m wondering if I should take the baby out of nursery ( 8 months) . Then Change my son from full Time to three mornings ( when he is 2 he will be eligible for some funding. Which will cover this )

Then - just have a few years with the children. Enjoy them. Enjoy being at home . Not run around like a blue arse fly constantly stressed from work .

I’ve always worried if I stop my career it will be a huge mistake but to be honest I’m just worried I’ll miss my children grow up and my career will always be there ! I say career - I am teacher and I hate it !!!!
I’d like to retrain but once the children are older I think I will be able to do this.

DH just wants me to be happy. Nursery costs more than my wage. AIBU to just take. Few years out and enjoy my children ?

Side note - I by no way think being a SAHM is easy !

Do it, I found being at home with my children when they were small far more personally fulfilling than my career.

I think the tutoring idea is a very good one and I would look into how you could manage that - what scope for after school evenings and weekends would you have to do some - the disadvantage of course being that you cannot do it in school hours

Teaching is a career where it’s relatively easy to go straight back in after a bit of a break, compared to some other jobs. I’d do it if your new household income is also used to support your pension, if you already have a shared finance arrangement (you do not want to be having to ask him for money or be feeling like you have to justify anything you spend), and if he will continue to support the household in a hands on kids/house sense, and not just delegate everything to you 24h/day. It would be pretty easy for him to get used to that arrangement and be reluctant to pick up responsibilities again when you go back.

if you can afford it and your DH is on board then do it! Work will always be there but your children are only young once.

Just to add you won’t get 2 year old funding if you aren’t working … will get 15 hours at 3. Both parents need to be earning at least £160 a week to qualify for the free hours.

Good luck whatever you choose to do. Both ways of doing it have their challenges but it depends on what feels right to you.

Would your school offer an unpaid career break? Some do, so you could potentially take a year out to reassess but have your job to go back to.

I would do it in your situation IF:

DH would contribute to a pension for you

It had a set time limit you both agreed for you to be out of work

You were confident you could get back into work easily in a year or so

TBH I think it is rude to suggest that parents who choose to take a career break to care for their children are "subsumed" by anything at all. They are simply people who have exercised their right to choose.

I did it when I had my first almost 5 years ago, I was a nursery nurse and even with employee discount to go back full time and take DD with me I'd have walked away with just over £100 a month which just seemed pointless. Our second is now 11 months and I'm still a sahm. I love it. It works for our family, nobody is exhausted from the daily grind, I have time to keep the house and cook, do food shopping, life admin etc so our weekends are just for us to spend together. In my opinion if you can afford to then definitely do it even if it's only a year, your babies are only little once, work (especially teaching) will still be there in a couple of years.

society has brainwashed women into thinking it’s good to be away from their children

I don't see evidence for that at all. I think that society thinks that children need to be well cared for, whether that's by their mother, father, family or good paid for childcare.

Take a couple years out till they're both in school, enjoy your time with them it's better to be happy especially if there's no financial gain from working while paying nursery fees

I couldn't agree more.

Do it! I am a teacher, and I am in the same boat as you. I have become a sahm. There will always be a need for teachers. I am doing a tiny bit of tutoring and sats marking and stuff like that, just so I can say I've done something. The stress is NOT worth it when the nursery fees eat up all the money xx

Why not cut your hours to part time? Doesn’t need to be in teaching- go and do something else if you hate it. If you need a break apply for a wfh part time position you’ll have a lot more space and time for you.

Id always always always advise against giving up work. Always keep your career going in some capacity.

Think about the long term damage you could do to your career and earnings potential.

stop that bollocks.

OP - if you think it will work for you and you will lead a fulfilled life doing that, and you are clear that it may or may not affect your future prospects, pension etc - and your DH is fully on board etc etc do it.

But also explore other ideas such as DH dropping a day (or two) and you retaining a day (or two) to match it. Keeps your hand in, gives you something else to do and DH may appreciate not running himself ragged.

Really check all possible options together with DH, don't disregard something because at first it looks bonkers. Really think about what both of you want, how you want your lives to be - the go for it. Life really is too short for regrets (i never have and never will regret being a full time working mum, even though some times were really really really hard)

Oh, and although being a sahm isn't easy in some ways, it's a darn sight easier than full time teaching!!!

Go part time? Supply? Tutor? I wouldn’t go FT unless your husband is going to pay into your pension?

SAHMs are looked down on by the majority of posters on Mumsnet, however my own unbiased opinion (as a SAHM myself but with very different circumstances to you) is that if you can afford it and your DH is supportive, you should go ahead. Your children are still so tiny and you will never get this time back with them. Obviously people do what they have to do to survive and look after their family, which in most cases means working, however it seems as if you have a golden opportunity to increase the amount of time you have with your kids and even save money if you are currently paying extra for nursery costs on top of your wages.

Hi, same issue right down to being a teacher! I do two days a week as I just break even on nursery. It means they go and have fun, I get to keep my career a bit and once the funding kids in we're better off.
My school agreed to 2 days a week and I'm actually moving schools in September who agreed to the same 2 so they do accept it.
Also I have zero accountability on two days a week so get it do the best bit of the job.. actually teach!

YANBU - you need to do what works for your family so not being unreasonable at all. Just make sure you’re protected as not all marriages go the distance and you’ll be up shit creek if you haven’t considered the financial impact to you.

As an aside, I wish the posters who keep banging on about “regretting not being with the children when they’re little” would piss off. I went part time when the children were little and went back to full time when the youngest was 10 but some have no choice but to return full time so stop being so fucking smug.

You see, I read it differently. I read it as, ‘we’d be better off financially if I gave up my job’ (although obviously that has ramifications for pensions etc).

I can’t tell you the number of couples divorcing that I know where the savings and the pension have become a massive falling out, going to court issue.
The higher earner - usually the man- does not want to shares HIS savings and HIS pension while the woman has less of both because she went part-time or didn’t work to raise kids, so the higher earner was free to achieve at work.
The whole ‘it just makes sense’ and ‘we’re a team’ reasoning goes right out the window when it comes to divorce and money.

We have already established that OP has a career that she can easily return to when her children are older. And she has already said she is hating her job. It would probably only be worth taking the drop in income if it was a career it would be difficult to return (either very competitive or changing very rapidly) or if she had a career she has a job she absolutely loved!

You are a teacher so can walk into a job any time if you have an unexpected urgent need. Your kids will only be little for a tiny bit of your lifetime. Take this opportunity with both hands and enjoy every minute. I did and never once regretted it. I went back to work once they were both settled in school, I missed maybe one promotion over the sum of my working years so not really a big deal

Don't do it...

Thank about your pension, also later when the NHS becomes privatised and you need to pay for health insurance too.

I'd do it, definitely look into a side hustle like tutoring and you may find it works better for you