To leave my job and become a SAHM? Stupid move ????

[Summerstarsarepink]

The nursery fees have risen . They now are or more than way my wages .

DH and I are constantly tired from Full time work and running around dropping off and collecting and then sorting dinner / running the house .

Children are 8 months and 19 months.
I feel exhausted. Plus I don’t enjoy my job.

Yes in the future we will be eligible for free funding but for the next year it is going to be very expensive.

I’m wondering if I should take the baby out of nursery ( 8 months) . Then Change my son from full Time to three mornings ( when he is 2 he will be eligible for some funding. Which will cover this )

Then - just have a few years with the children. Enjoy them. Enjoy being at home . Not run around like a blue arse fly constantly stressed from work .

I’ve always worried if I stop my career it will be a huge mistake but to be honest I’m just worried I’ll miss my children grow up and my career will always be there ! I say career - I am teacher and I hate it !!!!
I’d like to retrain but once the children are older I think I will be able to do this.

DH just wants me to be happy. Nursery costs more than my wage. AIBU to just take. Few years out and enjoy my children ?

Side note - I by no way think being a SAHM is easy !

Actually I’m finding there is quite a demand for daytime tutoring as so many young people are not able to cope with school for various reasons.?

What I mean is that DH earns double my salary. So it would not make sense for him to be the stay at home parent. Also , he likes work- I don’t .
We have one pot where all the money goes ! Bills and everything goes out. DH then gets pocket money- the same amount . So do I .

Why do people always negatively assume I have to give all my money but DH keeps his. The bloke gives me his wages and I put it I. The pot. I have always run the finances.

when I am saying that my wage is less than the nursery - that’s what I mean. I don’t mean I have to pay the nursery from my wage and DH keeps his. I just mean if I hated my job and wanted to stop it works out that I earn less than the nursery feee so there would be no financial loss to the pot.

No advice @Summerstarsarepink but following as we’re having to consider the same.

We had a £200 a month increase in nursery fees in December and they’ve announced they have to relook at fees due to the underfunding from the government for the 15 “free” hours.

It’s really upsetting as we earn decent salaries, have a low mortgage, don’t go on holidays etc, but being absolutely crippled by the increase in everything.

It’s so sad that things have come to this, but I don’t see how things will improve!

Just to reiterate the importance of pensions, do take some time to get your head round that in detail - if you've been in the profession for a while you may be in a version of the teacher's pension scheme that is not open to new entrants any more and if you have a break in service of a certain length you will lose that status. The new version that you would then be offered membership of if you go back to teaching later is less generous. If you have any of your pension scheme communications they should have a number or email address for you to ask questions about this.

Definitely do the tutoring if you can, giving up work sounds great at the time but I only lasted 6 months before I started looking for a part time job. Child care was completely unaffordable for us too, we couldn't afford to effectively pay for me to go to work so I found something on low hours that fit around the kids. Pension contributions etc are obviously a problem but there really was no other choice

Me! And I’m mot lacking brain!

@ThePunchBowl

some women (I would argue) need and benefit from time away from their children to just be themselves and focus on other things.

@Pottedpalm

why?? Struggling for money is grim

Seriously shut up!

This is true but in schools I know of, those wishing to remain in the scheme have had to accept other forms of financial penalty.

Just to add, OP, if you want to retrain then in theory, perfect time for this if you will stop working, but be mindful how exhausted you are going to be. And consider what next - will you go back full time? When? Starting a new career part time might be difficult so you need arrangements for childcare for when you go back. I'm absolutely not deterring you, just being realistic and I appreciate its very hard to budget few years ahead now, particularly in terms of childcare. Mine costs double to what I budgeted for because this is how much the fees increased in two years, nobody could have prepared for this. With two young children this is a big thing to plan for if you can, and add extra money on top IMO as if will cost more. I guess what I'm saying is that in a new career and with childcare required for a full week for the two of them even if they're older, you might not be better off in real terms for some time.

If you teach an age group and/or subject where you are pretty sure you can walk back into a job later then do it. Do some supply teaching and tutoring to keep your hand in, help ensure you can return to work readily and retain some financial independence. Make sure child benefit is in your name for national insurance credits, even if you wont get any actual cash.

We didn’t struggle for money; DH earned multiples of my teacher’s salary and considered it family money. With DTs my salary would have gone in nursery fees and I would have been exhausted and stressed. My career didn’t suffer; I returned part time when DTs were six and continued part time until I retired. I had many offers of full time work and and a few of promotion to head of department, neither of which I wanted as the extra work involved far outweighed any financial gain. I wanted to have energy and time for my growing teens. DH travelled a lot and worked long hours.

Do it and look at retraining now as if you’re a university student you can get a contribution towards childcare and you would have an income (student loan) so the household would be better off if you did this.

Definitely do it! Teaching is one of the few professions where you can rejoin down the line and not be held back on the progression ladder. It's such a demanding job too, I don't blame you for wanting to take time out with your little ones.

Who are the nutters exactly? The people advising her to consider the implication it may have? So before one makes a decision shouldn't they weigh the pros and cons? You sound like a nutter yourself tbh.

I am also a SAHM who was a teacher up until my baby was born 15 months ago- I am desperate to get back (I loved my job) but I don't regret taking a career break. I have no concerns that I won't get another job when my daughter goes to school.

I tutor at weekends, OP- you might want to consider doing something similar? I mostly do it for the mental exercise, but the money is nice too!

You would better off going part time instead.

Don't both of you have to work for the new two year funding in England? You might want to check

I was a teacher and I left before I had my son. It was so stressful it was taking up every bit of my life. I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with it and my own child at the same time. Honestly I’m impressed you’ve lasted this long. In your situation I would definitely be a SAHM, especially if the nursery fees are more than your salary and you don’t even enjoy your job.

As a part time teacher with two year old …I’d definitely do it!

I couldn’t work full time and enjoy it.

There’s load of options -

Go self employed and become a tutor (only have to do SE paperwork after you’ve earned £1000).

Do some supply (great way to secure a part time position …if you’re good they’ll often create a post for you)

Do a course in ESL/Autism/Dyslexia/ADHD …might open up new doors?

Id try and stick it out until summer though if you can. Lots of holidays in the next few months. You can cancel nursery as soon
as you finish in July

Good luck. Life’s too short to be working a 50 hour week with little kids.

Was your second a surprise? Most tend to space kids out to avoid nursery fees.

As someone at home nearly all week with my two year I agree. I think OP might change her mind after a short time.

I think you've answered this by saying you're unhappy in your job. If you were happy then I think I'd advise taking a sabbatical/extended unpaid leave to see how you can cope. But, life is too short to miss out on your children for a crap job that isn't even covering the essentials. Good luck.

I have to say that with one (or two, but definitely that one) posts, this has been a really constructive and supportive thread for women. I really wish more SAHM/WOHM/combinatiion conversations went along these lines.

Good luck, OP. Do you have a hobby that you could turn into a side earner? then you could get started while you're not WOHMing and maybe it may turn into something to a) keep you earning a bit, b) give you something to do for you and maybe also c) earn a bit of cash