To leave my job and become a SAHM? Stupid move ????

[Summerstarsarepink]

The nursery fees have risen . They now are or more than way my wages .

DH and I are constantly tired from Full time work and running around dropping off and collecting and then sorting dinner / running the house .

Children are 8 months and 19 months.
I feel exhausted. Plus I don’t enjoy my job.

Yes in the future we will be eligible for free funding but for the next year it is going to be very expensive.

I’m wondering if I should take the baby out of nursery ( 8 months) . Then Change my son from full Time to three mornings ( when he is 2 he will be eligible for some funding. Which will cover this )

Then - just have a few years with the children. Enjoy them. Enjoy being at home . Not run around like a blue arse fly constantly stressed from work .

I’ve always worried if I stop my career it will be a huge mistake but to be honest I’m just worried I’ll miss my children grow up and my career will always be there ! I say career - I am teacher and I hate it !!!!
I’d like to retrain but once the children are older I think I will be able to do this.

DH just wants me to be happy. Nursery costs more than my wage. AIBU to just take. Few years out and enjoy my children ?

Side note - I by no way think being a SAHM is easy !

If you can get back into your area of work then yes, it’s a no brainer. I was lucky where I could take a sabbatical and then work part time when my kids were small.

They are all in school now and I am so happy I was there for them when they were little. It was lovely and those years are precious and I’m happy I enjoyed them.

Definitely do it if it's financially feasible. Being a SAHM is amazing, they're only little for such a short time. You don't want to miss out on that time as it's so precious and you'll never get it back again. Work will always be there but your children will grow up. Good luck.

Ha ha me too. I’ve been a SAHM for 18 years 😂. Have a brain, have a pension, have no concerns if my husband was ever to leave me.

I mean financially makes sense. I ended up a SAHM due to circumstance (we could always afford it but I preferred having a career however circumstances changed not by my choice). Being with a child all day everyday let alone two small kids is incredibly draining, isolating and (To me) unfulfilling. No one appreciates the work. Just throwing it out there that sahm doesn’t always equal ‘enjoy time with my kids’.

Working mums are the reason EDs and ICUs are staffed when your desperately ill kid needs them to survive.

You’re welcome.

Not even any point engaging with the revolting thinking that allows you to believe working means you miss your children’s childhood and simultaneously being perfectly happy for your husband to do just that……..

OP why not do what works for you for a year then reasses? I assume teaching is easy to rejoin if needed.

This seems to be getting thoroughly ignored by the 'only little for so long', 'precious', cherish it', 'no brainer' camp.

Is it perhaps because there's a suggestion of the man also working less and having more time with the children, rather than just being there to provide the lifestyle for the woman...

Yes if that's what he wants it might be nice and he can start a thread to discuss it if he wants

Welll definitely nice work if you can get it. OP will
need to work this out more carefully with accurate figures than this modern equivalent of a back of a fag packet calculation. The further complication is it is dependent on 2 employers agreeing.

I actually don’t think many men would want to give up their job to be a SAHP and do everything the role entails.

Women are generally a much more nurturing sex.

men don’t want to take the economic risks and are under no pressure to stop work: they get to be fathers and retain and progress their personal earnings - even more so if facilitated at home

I’d def be leaving u your situation yes. If you hate your job, aren’t earning anything, then there is little positive to it (other than pension payments). Might be a good time to reassess what you want to do too. I went back to my job for a month post Mat leave and thought what the hell am I doing - I’m earning nothing in a job I hate, missing my babies essentially just to make my employer richer.
I left actually had a couple of months at home then had a complete career change, now working v part time (2 days) but in a job I love so it feels completely more worth it! And I get some free hours now so actually making money too.

I am amazed childcare for two children could be more than a teacher's wages??

It doesn't surprise me that much, not with the age of the DC. OP could be in an expensive area and/or not a particularly senior teacher. They have a baby, who are the dearest due to ratios, and are a while away from any free hours yet. This is a pretty classic example of a situation where it makes sense for one or both parents to consider dropping some hours.

OP is also in the rather unusual situation of having had 2 children within a year. Many parents space their children so that childcare costs so that they are no so expensive at any one time.

Yep, this is one extreme of compressed childcare costs. They're going to be paying a lot, for a shorter period overall, rather than less for longer. So that can be harder to cope with financially.

Really? How old are your children/ where do you live? As this doesn’t surprise me in the slightest! It’s £86 a day for one child where I am. It would be more for under 1

Some men.

Don’t want to or are socialised into thinking they can’t, and women are “naturally” better?

Socialised into thinking they have less value as a carer than as a breadwinner? Let’s face it, we’re all socialised into thinking caring roles have less value- hence the gender pay gap.

dh had a few months out of work- he did a far better job with the kids than me. He’s also far better caring for his elderly parents than his sister, or me. When he divorced he wanted to cut his hours and go 50:50 but his ex wouldn’t allow it as she didn’t want to up her hours. So he was left working full time and barely seeing the kids.

how many women actually consider both going PT? It’s been mentioned on this thread yet no one has considered it, in favour of wages don’t cover childcare, you’ll regret not spending the time with your kids narrative. With no thought to whether dad might like some time with the kids.

This. Make sure you have financial independence and your pension.

Do it, your kids will thrive with having mum around, you'll be there for them which is great and yiu can always get a side hussell, evening waitressing gig, matched betting.etc

To be honest if money isn't covering nursery it's a no brainer

Get DH to contribute to your pension and then do it. Kids are only small once. Your quality of life will be so much better

I would do it.

If your salary is £2k per month and nursery would be £2.5k, I don't see the merit in working full-time. Maybe do some tutoring on the side and pop that in a pension pot for a couple of years. Teachers can quite easily re-join the workforce after time out, you're not in a career where everything changes after 6 months to the point where you're unemployable!

Teachers are leaving in droves, in this circumstance your job will definitely be there for you.

It's the smallest amount of time with the most impact in the great scheme of things.
Do it op, you definitely won't be regret it but as I'm sure you are already aware caring fir them 24/7 is gruelling.

@MissTrip82 I get what your saying but at the end of the day humans are animals.

We breed and the urge to reproduce is in us. (usual caveats that many can't and don't want too).

As human animals who breed it is the female who naturally carries the baby to term and then has the means to feed that child.
Of course men can be caring and nurturing, my dh was and is absolutely amazing with the dc, and was incredible with them as babies.
But it's ridiculous to call all these basics strange or odd.

I have 2 thoughts here.
First, about the the:
You don't want to miss out on that time as it's so precious and you'll never get it back again. Work will always be there

What times in your children's lives are not precious and can be missed? Personally I find primary and pre-teen years, when they have their own personalities and opinions much more precious than constant change-feed-nap-tantrum cycles of babies and toddlers.
Work as such may be there - but in most careers, it changes so rapidly nowadays, that getting back to it is really not so easy. My particular job has so many new developments mostly due to regulatory changes, plus AI - I'm not sure hiring someone our of workplace even for just a few years would be a good move.

In OPs case, yes I get that there's a teacher shortage and she can probably find a new job indeed. But this brings me to the second topic - OP says she hates teaching. So why make it your life plan, stay home til kids are in school and then spend the rest of your life juggling children (and you will be, as DH will get used to you doing it all) and a job you hate? Can you work on changing careers instead?