DHs will - how to handle this situation?!

[Ope0p]

DH has never had a will and wants to start putting one together which is obviously a good thing!

He's been discussing various things with me and one thing cropped up tonight that has thrown me a little.

Basically he's said he wants to put me down as a guardian for his two older DC and I'm unsure how to say no in a way that isn't going to hurt him.

Funnily enough myself and a friend who is also a step parent were talking about this scenario a few months back, what we'd do if both parents weren't around anymore and we both agreed that we didn't think we'd want to take full responsibility for the DC and would likely be with grandparents instead.

How do I say this gently to DH that I'd really rather he didn't put me down as a guardian for his DC?

We do share DC as well so there is that added complication.

How old are the kids?

They are 8 and 10.

Would his ex partner agree to it?

Is the mother still alive? How old are the children?

My concern would more be if heaven forbid something happened to her as well.

how old are the grandparents?

What's behind not wanting to do it?

So you're in a relationship with a man and his kids, but you're distancing yourself from those kids?

I agree, age is important here.

Do you dislike them?

It’s strange you married and had a child with a man when you can’t bring yourself to tolerate the children he has, your child’s siblings, if they were orphaned.

If something were to happen to both parents, I wouldn't want to take on full responsibility for their DC. It would feel beyond me personally.

Mid 60s approx.

10 years until younger of his 2 dc is legally an adult. I think the chances of both your DH and his ex dying in that time is very small.
Also what provision has their mother out in place? ( if any)

Are their GP's alive ?

No I don't dislike them. But I wouldn't feel able or capable of taking them on full time without either parent around.

There is just no humanity anymore.

I think it’s incredibly sad OP that you feel that little for your step children that in the terrible event they suddenly ended up with no parents you would not be interested in being the guardian.

How long have you been married?... I.e with these kids as a 'mum'

I've no idea what provision she has in place

So in the very unlikely event that your step children loose both their parents you won't step up and raise them alongside your child their sibling?

Yeah I don't know how you can say no without really offending him. I do completely understand how you feel though, its z very tough situation and I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation.

We are down to be guardians of our niece and nephew. They live with their grandparents, so MIL/FIL, so its actually a real possibility given all the ages involved. I can't say I'm thrilled at the possibility, but its not the kids fault so if it happens DH and I would just have to make the best of it

Yes

Sorry I missed your post, I'm their age and if I was in that position I would want to look after them

It would be a very remote situation where you would be expected to step in. But in that situation, as someone who has (presumably) been present for a long time in their lives, they would need someone who has been there.

They are his children. You are their stepmum.

I can't believe that if both their parents died, you would see them as as disposable as his toothbrush in the event of his & their mother's death.

Does he really now you feel so cold towards them?

I don’t think I’d tell your husband anything.

In the unlikely event of your husband and his ex passing in the next 8/10 years, you won’t be obliged to comply with the intention, and he’ll be dead so he’ll never find out.

If you want to stay married.

No I don't think I could no.