My DH doesn't want to go on holiday

[lul37]

I'm at my wits end with my DH...
We moved back from living abroad a few years ago, and I have found it very difficult adjusting to life back in UK with the cold and rainy weather, cost of living, etc...
Prior to our move back I told him that I would need lots of holidays to compensate for the lack of warmth and sunshine -and even have it saved on record in case he denies it
We went on just one holiday last year (but it was to DisneyWorld so it's expensive, I understand), and one holiday only the year before.
This year I am struggling to get him to even book anything for the summer hols, so that we can get a good deal before the schools close. I told him I would love to visit NYC and explore it for a week, or I'm open to other places if he wants to suggest?
He keeps brushing it off or complaining that it's expensive, so we haven't booked anything yet. I'm studying at uni full time at the moment and he's the main breadwinner so it's not like I can go on my own. We barely go out in the UK although I travel often to visit my mom abroad but I don't consider that a family holiday because I'm on my own without my DH and DSS.
I just feel like ever since we moved back, he doesn't want to go out or do anything -save for going for dinner at his mom's place every weekend.
AIBU expecting him to want to plan a holiday with me so that we can go somewhere as a family in the summer?

Why don't you just book the holiday yourself?

And have you got some girlfriends you could go out with? We can't get all our needs met by the man in our lives, thats what girlfriends are for.

You can definitely go on your own.

I'm not surprised he doesn't want to commit to an expensive holiday right now if he's the only earner and you are already going abroad frequently to visit your mum. Perhaps holidays should wait until you are working.

Sounds like you aren't considering the financial impact of holidays. Perhaps wait until you have an income?

I agree with this.

If I was the only one earning and was supporting my husband while he studied I’d be feeling the pressure of being solely financially responsible, I wouldn’t be booking holidays either.

YABU.

He is the only one earning if you're studying, and therefore if he says it's too expensive, then it's too expensive. I assume he is paying for your trips abroad to go and see your mum???

Your trips to see your mum ARE a holiday!!! I consider my trips to visit my parents a holiday and they live in the UK!!

The not going out other than to see his mum is the only issue here. Perhaps he is worried about finances as given you've said yourself the cost of living is high in the UK, and you constantly wanting to spend, it has perhaps got him worried about running out of money?

Well you need to be earning to contribute to the cost of holidays. Your DH doesn’t want to go but you expect him to pay for you to have holidays? YABU.

So, he has to pay? YABU.

My mom sends me the money to visit her abroad so it's not coming out of his pocket.

So many questions here? Where is mum- quick hop on EasyJet, or expensive long-haul? Do you know what state your finances are? Could he know you are very tight and possibly in trouble? How old is your son?

If the money isn't there, it isn't. If it is because he is enjoying being back in UK and can't see the point, another matter. Confused by this too. You miss the sun terribly, and seems you have a young son, so why on earth go to NYC?

Go to the sun- shot haul to South of Spain, Balearics, Portugal. NYC is hugely expensive, not fun for a child at all, and certainly not sun guaranteed!

It can be incredibly stressful if you are the main or only earner. I think the fact that he cites cost as the factor means you should be sympathetic to him not wanting to overstretch financially- particularly when he has his child to look after as well.

I think he is being incredibly self-sacrificing allowing you to spend money on visiting family whilst you aren’t earning and he is shouldering the whole financial load.

Look forward to a holiday when you get a job and start lifting the pressure from him. At the moment it sounds like he wouldn’t be able to enjoy it at all.

You are VERY naive. Or deliberately being obtuse.

I understand I shouldn't be demanding anything from him while I'm studying and not working at the moment. But isn't going on holiday for a week something that will benefit us all? He is in the top 2% of earners so can definitely afford a holiday if we planned it carefully. And we are living in a 3 bed flat not a mansion so it's not like we have an expensive mortgage.

FYI- My mom lives in Egypt and my boys are secondary school aged of that helps!

Sorry OP but your whole post just reads badly, entitled and a bit princessey. He is the only breadwinner yet you are a full time student but want trips to New York and 'lots of holidays to compensate for the lack of warmth and sunshine'. You recording yourself telling him this so he can't deny it just comes across as incredibly immature. I don't know what your DH earns but I would get a bit fed up with constant I need an expensive holiday demands if I were him.

secondary school age probably means they are charged as adults.

Even as a top 2% of earners would struggle at paying for 4 adults to have a week in New York in the summer holidays.

A couple of questions for you

1. Why don't you just book it yourself?
2. Why did you tape yourself telling him you would need lots of holidays for the warmth? It's not really normal to tape conversations so I'm really puzzled as to why you'd do that.

I can see how it sounds that I am entitled. But guess my issue is that if we had stayed living abroad I wouldn't be needing a holiday in the first place. However he did agree we would take lots of holidays if we moved back. It's more to do with him not honoring what he promised I suppose that I'm actually annoyed about.

I meant I have it on record, on WhatsApp not on taped. And that's because he usually denies he said something when he did. So I saved it for future reference.

Well it won’t benefit you ALL if he is worried about money. He’ll just find it stressful. I can see it benefits you though.

I’m not sure why the age of your kids would help?

When you are the main earner the thing is not only paying the bills each month and what you are saving, it is also the underlying awareness of what happens if things go wrong. If two people are earning and one loses their job then next month there will still be some money coming in- things may get tight, but it is lower risk. If you are the main or only earner you can be highly aware that there is no back up. If things go wrong then there is no safety net. It may well be that knowing he is financially responsible for the whole family means he is prioritising savings as a safety net for you all to give himself some peace of mind.

When did you decide to not work though? Was the original expectation when you came back that you would work or study?

fair enough if he's the only earner? And you mention cost of living. Maybe wait until you have an income, and then do whatever you like.

Weird replies. I think someone earning over 7.5k a month AFTER TAX can afford to take his family on holiday.

So you don't work. Your husband works to pay for everything whilst you study and go abroad to stay with your mum, who pays for your trips so you, once again, don't pay anything.

Yet you're moaning?

Christ on a bike. You may be one of the most entitled people I've ever seen on here.

@FoodObsessedToo I have always worked even when my DS were young. I am just not working now while I'm studying.

Maybe he can afford it maybe he just doesn't want to. It's his money isn't it. When op earns some money then maybe she gets a say in where it's spent. Incredibly entitled attitude I think personally. Holding things against him too. Honestly struggle to see how some people end up getting married in the first place.

' lots of holidays to compensate for the lack of warmth and sunshine '

only the wealthy have lots of holidays

' to DisneyWorld so it's expensive '

I wonder how many holidays you could have gone on in Spain or somewhere similar instead

' and one holiday only the year before. '

some people don't have a holiday / many people only have one holiday a year

' I would love to visit NYC and explore it for a week '

yes NYC may well be hot in July / and there may be sunshine, but not many people would consider a weeks city break in NYC as compensation for the lack of warmth and sunshine...

you've already mentioned CoL then 2 paragraphs later you actually say your dh says ' it's expensive '

you had told him you would need lots of holidays, then you say you going away to your mums is not a holiday - umm you're not at Uni during these days / not doing housework / not caring for your child ? and certainly not working !

and you've changed your mind from you needing lots of holidays to you wanting lots of family holidays !

and he is the only one working.

fortunately when you are working you will be able to pay for / pay towards all these holidays.

of course the average job only gives 5 or 6 weeks annual leave and you would be expected by your employer to use that paid leave to visit your mother as well as all these holidays you need...