My DH doesn't want to go on holiday

[lul37]

I'm at my wits end with my DH...
We moved back from living abroad a few years ago, and I have found it very difficult adjusting to life back in UK with the cold and rainy weather, cost of living, etc...
Prior to our move back I told him that I would need lots of holidays to compensate for the lack of warmth and sunshine -and even have it saved on record in case he denies it
We went on just one holiday last year (but it was to DisneyWorld so it's expensive, I understand), and one holiday only the year before.
This year I am struggling to get him to even book anything for the summer hols, so that we can get a good deal before the schools close. I told him I would love to visit NYC and explore it for a week, or I'm open to other places if he wants to suggest?
He keeps brushing it off or complaining that it's expensive, so we haven't booked anything yet. I'm studying at uni full time at the moment and he's the main breadwinner so it's not like I can go on my own. We barely go out in the UK although I travel often to visit my mom abroad but I don't consider that a family holiday because I'm on my own without my DH and DSS.
I just feel like ever since we moved back, he doesn't want to go out or do anything -save for going for dinner at his mom's place every weekend.
AIBU expecting him to want to plan a holiday with me so that we can go somewhere as a family in the summer?

Would you feel comfortable booking a holiday in the south of Europe? Italy or Croatia? Not as hugely expensive as NYC and lots to do for everyone. With my DH I find it helpful to pinpoint exactly where we should go as it’s one less thing for him to deal with.

Right, so you can't afford holidays right now. It's quite simple isn't it? You go to see your mum abroad, why isn't that enough?

When you're earning again you can book all the holidays you like.

he's the main breadwinner so it's not like I can go on my own.

Actually, I would say that you and the kids can go on holiday your own, as long as you and DH both agree that you can afford it as a family. Even if he decides to stay at home. This might well mean you staying in the UK, having a summer break to a nice location and staying in self catering. It's still a holiday. I know you don't work, but if you can afford it, that doesn't mean the kids have to miss out on a break away from home. If DH doesn't want to go, that means you can still take them. I would just keep the trip modest.

Well top 2% puts you on £128k, after income tax and NI your take home is £76k, which is £6,333 per month. Still a lot of money but we have no idea what the mortgage, school fees other outgoings are. A trip to New York for a family during holidays is not going to get much change out of £10k.

I think you need to agree a budget with him. If he can agree to say 3.5k you can get a cheap holiday somewhere hot if all you want is hot. If you want hot and luxurious it'll be a lot more. Or visit your mum at Easter with the kids and then go to a hotel for a week. Your ideas of holidays are expensive! But I think if he agreed a budget then you could look around. He may be scared you're going to splash 10k. The budget should include accommodation, food and activities. I find it helpful to set a daily budget.

Tbf you are picking super expensive holidays OP. There is a compromise in there somewhere given you're not financially contributing at the minute.

Save the big ticket holidays for when you're putting in. Go to a warm country close by.

Actually to be in top 2% your income has to be just under 90k after tax. So there we go, I've found the 10k for them to go to New York

YABU, an annual holiday is more than adequate. Why New York for a week? Pick a more cost effective holiday and present that to him.

Your google search trumps mine 😂

Not what you were asking, but NYC is often hellish in the summer.

My guess is that you come from a very wealthy background where several holidays a year are the norm.

But your husband doesn’t want the same as you for whatever reason. The recording of him committing to holidays does come across as controlling and a bit entitled. It kind of implies deeper relationship issues.

There are compromises here:

Go on cheaper and easier holidays (uk or near Europe, France is pretty hot in the summer to the South).

Holiday alone, with friends or with your children and use savings to pay for it, or even work evenings/weekends.

Ultimately, you can’t make him do exactly what you want and, if you try, it is a recipe for a really unhappy relationship.

I had a summer trip to NYC last year OP because of limited timings, I knew it would be a humid sweat bucket and it was.
It was fairly cheap as a result, hotel had a stay two nights get one free deal.
But honestly it isn't the time I'd choose to go and from the UK you have many great European locations which would make much more sense.

I thought I would have sympathy with you as my holidays are important to me too. But you regularly get trips abroad, which are definitely holidays and you are not working and expect other people to fund these trips. You are being a bit bratty about this.

Agreed, doesn't have to be NYC. I only chose it because I've always wanted to visit and never got the chance. But it can definitely wait until I'm back working full time. Can be anywhere else sunny and warm- it's just his lack of enthusiasm to spend anything is maddening.

Well he agreed to it to get her to move to another bloody country. Hardly reasonable for him to withhold funds for a holiday now she’s over here!

Do you speak to him about finances? Do you fully understand your household financial situation or just let him pay for everything and turn a blind eye?

Is he paying for your student fees? Maybe he's very stressed with current COL.

You are coming across badly, and sound very young and princessy.

If you've asked about a holiday, and he's said it's too expensive, there's not much else you can do unless you get a job yourself and help to provide for your family.

Yes it's frustrating, but it's the state of the economy at the minute. Lots of people want to do lots of fun things like holidays/activities/eating out, but it isn't affordable at the moment.

It really is a modern day Cinderella tale.

Nope. Just simple modern day manipulation.

I assume when your husband made that promise it was on the bases that you were both earning a good income each. You hardly expected him to fund multiple holidays when there is only one income coming in.

A week in New York for four people who be crazy money.

Christ you're entitled. You seem to have some idea in your head of what you are due and feel that your life is not quite matching it - you worked 'even' when the children were young (go you), you 'only' live in a three bedroomed flat, you 'only' get one big ticket holiday per year in the last few years (apart from trips abroad to your mums). If I were your spouse I would be experiencing this as a constant drumbeat and would be inclined to double down on the 'nos' in response to your very unreasonable demands. Cause and effect kind of thing.

I think you have more to worry about if he often says something then denies it.

I don't like to see pile ons but you really do sound incredibly spoilt op.

You're lucky that in a cost of living crisis your dh is a 'top 2% earner' and that holidays are an option for you. If he doesn't want to spend his money on a flash holiday that he doesn't want to go on that's up to him.

Pay for one yourself and go alone if it means so much to you.

Do you not feel embarrassed that your mum has to send you money to visit her & your DH has to pay for your holidays (and other stuff I presume). Get a job & earn your own money!

Get a job. Study part time.

my dh is difficult about holidays too though usually grudgingly comes along and has a good time as long as I organise.

he is the main breadwinner so he effectively pays for most of the main holidays (max one per year)
.
getting him to go on shorter trips is a right pain so I go by myself or with the kids. I pay for these out of my own income though!

yabu if you don’t have your own income