Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

I do know what you mean. However as she works and saves most of her money I don’t think she sounds spoilt or entitled. Your parents will enjoy giving her the money and it will make her life easier.

Why is it ridiculous for them to spoil her? Do you not want her to do these things or is it just that you wanted her to have to work?

I can’t see the issue. More opportunities and experience for your DD surely? I would welcome the help, and allow her to have an amazing gap year. You’re only young once.

It should have been discussed with you though. My MIL gave one of our DDs the money to go to a festival a few years ago. At the time DD was daft, drinking too much, easily led and we didn’t want her to go. We couldn’t have stopped her at 17 but she didn’t have the money so that was that. Until MIL stepped in.

What actual benefit will she gain from the internship? Is it a genuine internship or one of those dubious voluntourism things?

I understand it's annoying they've gone over your head, but what an opportunity for your daughter.

There's plenty of time for her to work. This one gap year won't make a difference. Let her live, and enjoy the world a little bit. I'm all for earning your keep, and I would be nervous of spoiling too, but I think at that age she'll learn so much from travelling and not having to stress about money is a blessing many won't have. I'd just make sure she is aware and grateful of the opportunity she has been given.

Apparently it's in Marketing & PR.
Haven't looked into it as I didn't support the idea.

Are you joking? What a fantastic opportunity for her. It’s not that they’re funding her to sit at home and play on her phone for a year. It will be a wonderful enriching experience and then she has to come home go to uni and get on with real life in which case she will then have to learn how to adult and budget and work for the rest of her life

I’d be excited for her.

don’t you want her to have amazing experiences?

Full time work sounds like a bit of a miserable way to spend a gap year. Let her grandparents do this for her, she’ll have an amazing experience.

If grandparents are happy to pay and can afford to do so, surely she'll be in a stronger position going to uni with some money behind her rather than having obliterated her savings? She seems quite sensible money wise?

I would be angry if they have gone over your heads and offered it directly to her without speaking to you first.

however, what an amazing and mind broadening opportunity- she is so lucky to have it. You don’t always get the chance to travel and live in other places in life. She is being levelled up to a privileged position and personally I would accept that as a massive bonus.

It sounds like a great opportunity for her and I would have been very grateful if someone could have funded something like this for my children when they were that age.

What an odd way to look at it

She’s 18, and an adult … you need to loosen that grip

That sounds like an amazing opportunity and she can always get a student loan.

Internships are meant to pay them not cost money. At the worst it's unpaid so she's going to need money for living costs and flights but I've never heard of paying for an internship, sounds like a scam

She sounds like the kind of sensible young woman who deserves such a treat.

She's working, saving, studying and making plans for her future. She’ll also be funding her own living costs on the internship, so doesn’t sound spoilt at all.

She will have the rest of her life to work a full time job, probably well into har 70s with the way the state pension age is going. This is a fantastic opportunity. Yes frustrating that your parents have already agreed prior to discussion with you but they have informed you. These experiences will actually help boost her CV when she does start looking for work. Independant travel requires a number of transferable skills that other students/graduates won't have.

theinterngroup.com/

It's through this.

I find it quite sad that your reaction is to be annoyed and not pleased/excited for your dd. I would be immensely grateful to dd's grandparents for being generous enough to facilitate experiences of this nature.

You sound quite mean.

God, these poor youngsters have got a lifetime ahead of them of slogging away for the most basic of lifestyles till they're 70, probably, for a measly pension and god knows what rubbishy housing. What's wrong with having a year of doing something different before knuckling down for the rest of their life?

You sound so controlling, I really don’t see the point of a gap year if you’re going to work full-time, let her have it how she wants it, she sounds like she’s got her head screwed on with a supportive set of grandparents to boot.

Yes,YABU.

I don't really see the problem either. It would be one thing if she was sitting on her bum refusing to get a job and expecting everything to be funded for her, but she's not. She's been working, and the money saved will go to support her during her year off. Her grandparents are generously offering to pay the 'capital expenses' for the year, which will enable her to have opportunities she wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. She can't be spoiled just by being the recipient of generosity - being spoiled is an attitude, and a lack of gratitude, and I don't see any evidence of that from what you've said.
Is it that you just don't agree with gap years, OP, and think she should go straight to uni? As I really don't see the point in her just getting a full-time job for the year, unless there's a genuine need for her to earn money.

I'd want to make sure it was all legit and above board though. You've got a problem there if you've already shown your annoyance at the plan, though. If you find out something genuinely concerning about it you'll have hard time convincing her it's a genuine worry and you're not just trying to put her off going cos you don't agree with it.