Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

I have just seen the link to the company. I’m sorry but having worked in marketing for many many years. No decent company will give those kind of responsibilities to an inexperienced 18 year old.
https://theinterngroup.com/career-fields/marketing-internships

Unfortunately Op you are being very unreasonable. It’s you Dads choice to take a gap year and what she’s wants to do with it. If she has to work at uni to pay for her way then that’s also her choice.

As for the DGP paying for it, that’s their choice full stop. They courteously told you.

I think this is a fantastic opportunity for your DD but they should have discussed it with you first. It's one of those situations you have to support her or she may resent you for it. Also to help keep her safe whilst there start looking into it properly and ensure it's a ligit program.

God let her have this.

There is time enough over decades to be miserable. Some Gps fund school fees or uni. This seems a great option and she will learn loads.

She is very lucky, but she has done well with saving and has had a job already - that it's lovely she can now keep that for other things.

What lovely grandparents!

Paying £5.5k to go and work in Columbia for 16 weeks sounds like a total con! Never heard of anyone paying that much to also work somewhere for free.

That’s great. Most likely it was an overall positive experience for your friend. But the link on the company website clearly massively oversells what the person signing up will be doing and for the cost of it, you’re basically paying to have a bit of superficial sounding but with the initiallly impressive charity work in Columbia title, fluff on your CV and not much in the way of solid marketing experience

Can't see the issue, frankly.

Why do have such a lack of interest in your daughter's plans? It's not like she's a grabby teenager who just dosses about. And yes YABU.

I spent my gap year doing conservation work in Botswana through a similar type of volunteer-internship organisation. Eighteen years on I still think back on it as one of the most formative, life-affirming, character-building, sheerly magical experiences of my life. My parents didn’t really “get it” and kind of just saw it as putting off uni... Fair enough it’s not their thing, but the didn’t try to discourage me or stand in my way. I mostly earned the money myself but they contributed an amount, and I’m grateful they trusted me to know myself and what was valuable to me.

I don't see how it's them going over your head. They've come to you first to tell you they want to fund it and presumably are doing it as a gift to DD and (indirectly) to you. Accept it graciously and be excited for your DD.

Have they gone over your heads and spoken directly with your DD, or is this offer being mooted via you?

That is my question too although judging by the thread title it sounds like they have spoken to her first? That is not right if so, they should have discussed with you first.

I'd also want to be researching the opportunity myself to check that it is legit.

If it is a reputable organisation, this is an amazing opportunity for your DD. It will be great for her language skills, her personal development, and her CV.

I'm probably more your parents' age than yours and I would willingly fund this sort of opportunity for a grandchild who is demonstrating her willingness to earn and save. It's not like she's doing nothing and expecting people to bank roll her.

My only issue with this would be paying someone to work. I’d sooner use the money to travel and have amazing experiences. £5.5k would get you a pretty long way in South America.
I took 2 gap years and travelled extensively. South America, Australia, south east Asia, New Zealand. It was the best time of my entire life. Luckily my parents were supportive. But had they not been I’d have gone and done it anyway and probably not spoken to them again. The idea of spending your gap year working full time? Urgh I think you’re missing the point of a gap year. She’s literally got the rest of her life to work full time. Let her live a bit first! There is more to life than work

Gap years aren't for working full time, they are to grow as a person and gain experience, to travel. What is the problem with grandparents treating their adult granddaughter to this wonderful opportunity? Unclench! Back off. She's an adult.

Sadly not always, there are companies charging young people to do these as it gives you 'work experience'- the company has a frew worker and you get a paper saying you have something under your belt. Often there is an intermediary company that helps young peole find experience, and they charge for that service too. It's not even a new concept, I remember that from my school years 25 years ago.

I think travel is hugely educational and beneficial and realistically, best done when young. I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity. I'd be grabbing it with both hands!!

I think this is a good opportunity for her.dgc want to help her out .she sounds like she has her head screwed on ,they sound generous and kind .be happy for her

You do know Columbia is one of the biggest drug country's in the world, that would worry me more than the funding tbh. It's not somewhere you can just nip over to if she gets herself mixed up in something dubious. Please check things out first.

Agree with this.

Shes already working and studying so it’s not as if she’s lazy. Plus this is an internship, not an 18-30 holiday. It’s a great opportunity and I’d be thrilled that my dc was able to do it rather than have to spend the time working in a boring job at home. I’m honestly really confused by your post. It comes across as though you resent the help she has been given. Is there history with your dp’s not affording you the same opportunities?

Travel is always going to broaden the mind and offer life experience that will enrich your daughter’s learning. Good for her, and as others have said, she’ll have a lifetime ahead of earning and restricted holidays and having to clock in to whatever job she has.

But I’ll also echo what others have said, that this agency looks really dodgy. I did something similar and it originally cost me £££, but I took them to small claims afterwards and clawed some back. It’s great if it works out, but plenty of young people pay several thousand pounds to lose their placement or discover it wasn’t really there, then are offered “credit” in return.

See if she can talk to her school or uni about recommended internships abroad.

There are separate issues here.

1. Your parents going over your head. While I generally agree with you, she will be 18. By that age I think they are entitled to develop a relationship with her that is independent of you.
2. Their decision to largely fund her gap year, thereby changing what she can afford to do. I think this is a lovely thing to do and she will have much more worthwhile formative experiences than living at home and working to earn money.
3. The PR internship in Columbia. Please look into this very carefully. She is an adult, but still young and will be a long way from home. Make sure you are happy with the credentials of the company and satisfied that it is used to having teenagers from Britain. If you have any doubts, support her in finding another overseas opportunity.
4. Lastly, she sounds like a lovely hard-working girl. Be proud of her and let her grandparents indulger her.

Shes got the rest of her life to work full time OP.

What's your problem with it?

You say you don't even know what the internship involves because you "don't support it". How can you have decided you don't support it when you have no clue how or whether it will benefit her?

DD has worked since she was 16 and is very responsible by the sounds of it, saving most of her earnings. So it's not about wanting her to work and learn the value of money either.

Again, what's your issue?

Basically it's not really anything to do with you. If she's 18 then she can do what she likes, and your parents are perfectly entitled to gift their adult grandchild whatever they want to. Nobody needs your approval or permission here. It's just a real shame that you aren't supportive of your daughter and pleased for her that she's got the opportunity to have such incredible experiences while she's young.

You haven't mentioned anything about her safety as a solo young female traveller, which would be my only concern as a parent.

When else will she have this kind of opportunity, OP?

Be realistic.

Your parents are adults; your daughter will be an adult at the time. It's really none of your business.

You also sound spectacularly unsupportive of your daughter, so I'm glad she has her grandparents on her side at least.