Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

Agreed.
If you are indeed this poster, I wonder if the GPs are of the same view as most on this thread and trying to balance your overbearing parenting by offering this opportunity?

Fuck sake.

If I were her I'd never come back.

If your post said your parents were giving her money which you had refused to give her because you want her to learn to work and save, and she had refused to try, then I would have agreed with you.

But you have an 18/nearly 18 year old who has worked ever since she was allowed to (at 16) and who saves most of her money. She is also doing her A levels and about to go to university to do a sensible and employable degree. She sounds fabulous and maybe your parents think they have some extra money, that she has worked really hard and deserves this opportunity? Pretty depressing that you don’t. YABU.

It’s a fantastic opportunity but I’d do more research before shelling out to pay to work for nothing. She sounds very motivated.

At 18 it's none of your business

In your shoes I would want to help my daughter to make sure everything is legitimate and research the safety of where she’s going but otherwise YABU. Soon she will be a young adult and if her grandparents give her money it will be between her and them. You seem to still want control over her decisions and seem a bit miserable and negative about her.

What a fantastic opportunity for your DD and one she is likely only to have once. And what wonderful GPs to fund this. How much more meaningful to enable this while DD is in such formative years rather than a legacy in their will

These kind of paid for “internships” are not at all unusual and many are not scams at all. The fact is that 18 year old kids from affluent countries are not really all that much use - so they don’t really pay their keep. These sorts of arrangements give youngsters a bit of an idea about what working with an AID agency might be like, and also of the living circumstances of people very different from them. The best of these schemes expect the kids to work pretty hard (even though they are paying to do the work!) and the youngsters learn a lot.

I agree with others that your daughter has a long time to work, and probably anything she could get in a gap year would be much less learning experience than the “internship” proposal.

If she needed to earn the money to help support herself at Uni, that would be different. She’s a lucky young woman. Let her take advantage of that luck!

Sounds like a great gap year, I don't understand why you resent your child having a nice time off work and uni.

She literally has the rest of the life to work (said by a miserable pregnant woman at her desk job looking into a future of another 30 years of work...).

Right? Deep-seated jealousy at not having the same opportunities, perhaps.

You sound delightful!

Your daughter sounds clocked on. Your parents are in a position to help finance her choice.

Are you jealous? It’s such a strange reaction to something that’s overwhelmingly positive

I would be thrilled if someone did this for my DD, what an amazing gift

Same question, are you jealous?

They should have discussed it with you. Why didn't they, is the question? Did they have good reasons for not discussing this.

I wouldn't touch that internship programme. As someone said earlier, she should not be having to pay to gain work experience. What exactly is the $5500 going on if she needs to fund her living costs on top?

How incredibly generous of them and what a fantastic opportunity for her!

Good catch!

OP you sound miserable. Your poor daughter.

Sorry OP but this.

This would be my worry too. I'd want to find out more about this 'internship' and where she was staying etc.

Personally I think it's great that her GParents are helping with finance but I think they should have spoken with you first.

At best that will be like the door to door sales jobs over here and I really wouldn’t want my teenager (especially a daughter) doing that.

i applied for a “marketing” job straight out of uni that turned out to be for a company that sent all over a city door knocking to get people to switch energy or sign up to donate to charity.
if she really wants to go abroad to get some work experience and travel then she should look at something like ‘teaching English as a foreign language’ or even nannying.

anything where you pay them many thousands of pounds for the privilege is definitely not worth it.

This. You should be happy and grateful.

Well surely you just say thanks!
Sounds like you have a lovely daughter who has the work ethic. Let her grandparents "spoil" her. Really they are rewarding her.

Let her be young. You’re and long time old and responsible. Just be happy for her.

@MimiSunshine

My friend did similar also in Colombia not that many years ago, she was working with a charity/NGO. A lot of it was shadowing others but she did get to actually do some work. Got hands on events marketing experience with them.

Yes I'm so annoyed that my daughter will have this amazing opportunity that her grandparents have lovingly decided to fund for her. I would have much rather she slaved away for 12 months instead and not enjoyed herself at all.

Give your head a wobble.

This.