Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

What's the matter with you, her grandparents are being so kind, why do you feel the need for her to work.

I think the Grandparents should have discussed this with you before telling her (did they do this?), but I don't see that this is a bad thing. She's going to spend her entire life working to pay her way, and she won't always have the freedom she does now to take advantage of these wonderful opportunities! I think it would be profoundly selfish of you to deny her this option to explore with fewer financial concerns, and to deny her grandparents the opportunity to treat her to something so generous and that has so many long-term benefits for her as well. I think these feelings may be coming from a place of jealousy, and I really sympathise because it is hard sometimes. I've felt great jealousy of certain friends who always seem to be gifted wondrous opportunities, whilst I've had the struggle to make ends meet; I really hate being bitter.

Also want to add that I really, really admire your desire to encourage her to develop such a responsible attitude towards money and savings though! She will be leaps and bounds ahead of so many of her peers when it comes to life outside of education, you've done her an enormous kindness by teaching her this.

I'd be delighted in your position. They want the best for your daughter and you are only young once. How often do you hear people moaning about grandparents spending their money on new armchairs and cruises. Lovely that they can and will help her.

It doesn't sound like they went over your head - sounds like they told you first? Clearly I don't know your family context and whether you worry their generosity comes with any string attached around emotional blackmail or feeling they have a say in your daughters life but if not would you rather it went to the tax man when they pass away? Why do we work all our lives if not to share any good fortune we're lucky enough to make along the way with our loved ones? Hopefully one day you'll be in a position to do the same for your grandchildren. Also have to say well done on instilling such a strong work ethic with your daughter!

Let them, they can see she's a good kid and she works hard. Life is tough enough, and far harder than it was for us, let them make it a little easier for her.

Give your children enough to do something, but not nothing.

Why would you want to gatekeep this amazing experiance? You should be grateful that your parents want to do this for your child. I just cannot understand why you would want to take this from your own child. We are a long time dead. Be the safe space to come home to, not the prison she needs to escape from.

She is such a lucky girl and I think you’re lucky your parents can afford to help. She is doing what she should be doing in a gap year! If she was just going to work full time what would be the point in going to uni at all. I wish I had the opportunity she is being given and I hope my parents would do the same for my kids if they could. Let them find her and she will have the time of her life, loads of experiences under her belt, a lifetime of memories and lots of things to fill her CV when she does eventually graduate. Let her go!