Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

I think your daughter sounds amazing. So lucky to have grandparents supporting her to fulfill her dreams. I don’t see interning and doing a gap year with actual travelling, plus interailing, as some kind of entitled dossing about. The sheer depth and breadth of experience gained doing these things will set her on such an interesting pathway for life.

I can only hope I can support my own kids, emotionally and financially, to seek out travel and experience at that age.

People are always moaning about young people being weak snowflakes, failure to launch etc. your daughter is the total opposite of that, you should be so proud. There’s a mental health crisis amongst our young people, terrible anxiety and struggles with studying and social interaction post-Covid etc. Your daughter is seeking out the world, and able to put in the time and energy to work and support herself now as best she can while studying. She sounds really brilliant.

It might be helpful to get on board and actually talk through what she wants to do. Maybe the internship isn’t right for her, but you won’t know until you can talk about it and get on board. My friends ‘ daughter did an internship in Costa Rica which sounded absolutely incredible. She came back so mature and worldly, everyone was thrilled to hear about her adventures.

You don’t have any knowledge/information that there is anything dodgy about the company?

She has shown herself to be capable of travelling and being ok?

So you begrudge your daughter having some fun, adventure and experience- at no cost to yourself- just because you want her to work full time?

This is a girl who has worked since 16, been sensible with her money, also worked at school and got a place at university, where she will also have to work- after which she will be stuck working for the rest of her life in all likelihood?!

I can only think you are either jealous, or worried she is being given your inheritance.

Surely this is well within a grandparent's wheelhouse, I hope you haven't spoiled their generous offer by being sniffy.

Once you start work it's a long slog till retirement, if you (or grandparents) can support your dc to have some fun and freedom while they're young why wouldn't you?

You sound controlling OP

She should grab every opportunity she gets and you should be thanking your parents

Agree with PP. A gap year where you work full time isn't a gap year. You might as well crack on with uni and getting properly qualified to start your career (unless of course you need that year of work to afford uni but that's not your daughter's situation). A gap year is about travel, adventure, finding new things out about yourself, etc.

But also agree you should check out that this internship is legitimate- many schemes abroad are, but some are scams, so you do need to be careful she's picked a good one.

Jesus Christ, how spiteful are you??!! She’s got the next 50 plus years of her life to have to work! And she’s a grown woman, it’s not been given ‘over your heads’. She works, studies and is going to uni before doing more work! What an fucking misery arse you sound

You don’t have any knowledge/information that there is anything dodgy about the company?

She has shown herself to be capable of travelling and being ok?

She hasn't shown herself capable of travelling at all

An 'internship' that asks interns for £5k is not exactly straight is it?

And it's in a country the FCO does not deem safe.

These paid experiences are useless tbh. She would be better off backpacking and gaining independence and learning another language.

I think it sounds amazing. She’ll spend the year travelling and completing a 4 month internship. What’s wrong with that? I’d be grateful grandparents could afford and were willing to pay for it.

For everyone saying she should do it,
If it isn't legit what else could she do similar?

I thought people would agree and say bankrolling 18 year olds for a year is a bad idea.

Sounds like an amazing opportunity. If she's going to take a gap year she should travel as much as possible. What's the point of taking a year off if she's just going to work. She has her whole life ahead of her to work in a full time job. I'd be encouraging her to enjoy it and see the world.

Same here. I would love my daughter to have such an amazing opportunity - I wish I had. It's so generous of them.

I thought that was a grandparents prerogative to spoil their grandchildren! Life’s short let her enjoy a gap year. There will be 40 plus years ahead of her to work in the rat race

The op said she went away travelling in the summer… granted that isn’t a round the world solo sailing trip, but everyone has to have their first trips abroad. You can’t become experienced without doing can you?!

Why is it a bad idea though? She sounds pretty switched on. It's not like she's pissing the money up a wall - she'll be learning languages and having an amazing, life-affirming experience.

If this company turns out not to be legitimate then she can find others- you could help her to vet them.

Don't be a grinch . Your daughter is young and wants to travel which is a great experience. Let her enjoy her youth , goodness knows how many hours she'd have to work to get £5500 together and what else are grandparents to do but treat their family if they are able .

You are being terribly unreasonable. What a lucky, lucky girl she is to have such generous grandparents and such a brilliant year lined up. She has the rest of her life to work full time and save.

"But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week)."

Sounds like she will be supporting herself most of the time.

Not many 18 year olds could fund an entire gap year by themselves. But if she is given the opportunity to do it and your parents are willing to help, it will be life changing.

You said what I was thinking, but was too polite to post 😅

She's going to be working until she's 70, one year to travel and have experiences unencumbered by responsibility either to work and juggling annual leave dates for holidays, financial responsibilities or partners or children sounds fantastic.

As long as it's all legit and she appreciates how fortunate she is to have the support of her grandparents and you and doesn't become entitled then it all sounds good.

Why?

Tbh if she's been working a part time job and generally works hard at school and is likely to continue to work hard at uni and beyond, I don't see the issue with funding a year to travel. It's probably the only time in her life when she'll be able to do it and travel is an amazing positive experience.

The bastards! Cut them out of your life immediately. I would hate for DC to be helped with such an opportunity.

I would also be annoyed and not want my DC to do something like this. I hate profit-making voluntourism. If that makes me a misery arse, then so be it!