Grandparents going over our head to fund gap year

[Pinkyoo]

DD is doing her A-Levels and has decided to take a gap year. We told her she will need to fund this herself.
She's been in touch with an internship group where she can do a 16 week internship in Colombia. She's desperate to do it. It is £5500 for the fees alone (including accommodation), then flights and living costs.
DD has been working part time since the day after her 16th birthday and saves most of what she earns. We've already helped contribute to the cost of her inter-railing in Europe over summer with her friends.

Today my mum told me that she and my dad have decided they will entirely fund the internship, including flights. But need DD to use her savings to cover the living costs (recommended $100-200 per week).

They've said they will also help her with travelling for some of her gap year.

We are in a position where when DD goes to uni, we can cover her living costs and give her money for food. But she will need to work to travel etc.

I hate that my parents have gone over our head to fund this. I'd hoped DD would find full time work in her gap year. Now it's looking more like travel in the summer, travel in autumn, internship January, then maybe more travelling.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and they are spoiling her?

Why would you want your child to have a harder time than they have to?

Is she going to study Spanish? Time abroad would be really useful in that case.

Either Spanish & French or Spanish & German

Have they gone over your heads and spoken directly with your DD, or is this offer being mooted via you? I can understand that you might wish to be in the loop; but I agree with other posters that this is a wonderful opportunity for her and very generous of her grandparents.

If she was a lazy young person, always expecting handouts and not working at all, then your attitude might make sense. Otherwise, I do think it is a bit off beam. Let her go and spread her wings and enjoy herself, secure in the knowledge that her grandparents love her enough to jake this generous offer.

It will all stand her in good stead for the future.

She sounds like a dream daughter and will have an amazing time, I only wish I had someone who loved and would have funded my ds for even a holiday.

Did you post over the weekend about this, how you are a doctor and wanted her to do maths and she is doing languages and taking a gap year?

here is the thing it is HER life. You have yours and have made your decisions she (within reason) gets to make hers. As long as those decisions are not illegal or potentially life threatening or limiting they are hers to make.

whilst this isn’t clearly a choice YOU would make it is a perfectly valid and sensible one that others would make. So you support it and send her on her way

Don't be jealous op. It is a fantastic opportunity. Let her enjoy it and stop putting a downer on the situation.

OP is clearly trying to instil some fundamental life lessons into her DD. This is a parenting choice she’s made that’s been totally overuled by grandparents. That’s not ok.

Don't be a Debbie downer. It's one year out of her whole life.
She's got the rest of her life to work.

She's been working part time since she was 16 , wants to go travelling in her gap year and someone is willing to help out with funding that and you have an issue? Bloody hell, stop putting a dampner on it

Honestly, your approach to this sounds a bit miserable. You wanted her to work full time during her gap year? She has literally the rest of her life to do that. Gap years are supposed to be different and enriching.

Quite apart from which, she’s 18. You don’t get to decide everything now…

You sound jealous.

Did they give you a similar chance to travel, I wonder?

Is she their only grandchild/ are they loaded?

I think it would have been best for them to ask you first but at the same time she is 16 now

Because she works and saves most of her money i would not be upset by this. It's an amazing opportunity

Surely it's between DD and GPs?

Why are you so set on her working in her gap year?

IMO she will learn way more travelling, experiencing different cultures and meeting new people. She already shows discipline by working and saving now, and clearly plans to go to university. This will be a chance for her to expand the way she thinks about the world.

I'm with op. I'm also a bit sceptical of an internship you pay to do - usually in the UK internships are competitive and selective - I wonder how many who 'apply' are rejected if they can pay to do it.
I'd also be pissed off that my lesson in if you want to do something you need to pay for it was undermined by grandparents.

Has she researched safety in Colombia? The FCO advises against traveling to about a third of the country because it's too dangerous.

www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/colombia

I'd also be concerned about the so-called "internship". Sounds more like buying some work experience. And the description of the PR and Marketing examples include a lot of writing. Are they really going to give that task to an 18 year old English speaker?

Has she considered an intensive language course abroad instead?

I would pay for things like this for my children. My parents had the same idea as you, and I worked since I was first legally able to get a job.

But I also dropped out of uni first time, as I was doing an intense double degree and working 40 hours a week. I would have loved to study overseas or do a volunteer program like that , but wasn't able to afford it at 18.

I think you need to allow them to fund it. It’s a great opportunity for her. She will resent you if you get in the way of it.

This is far far far more important than if her grandparents should have asked you if you minded.

You are totally focussed on the wrong thing - maybe set your parents the job of looking into the company and which parts of the country are safe. And the cost of your own health and kidnap insurance.

She is 18 so this is between her GP and her. What a fantastic opportunity.

this generation are probably working until they are 70 at least, will possibly be paying for doctors and dentists in the future, housing is in a crisis, casual working and minimum pay jobs are expanding and there are supposedly 40% less graduate jobs now. If they are sensible, which your dd is then let her have done fun. You sound either jealous or miserable.

I wish my kids had GP that could help fund something so exciting.

Let her have a bit of fun. She's got decades of work ahead of her.

Why are you so resentful?

I think they're being very kind and generous and I wouldn't have any problem with them wanting to help her like that. Travelling is a wonderful experience, and A Levels and Uni are hard work - what's wrong with a break in the middle?It's the perfect time for real travelling, which she will also learn a lot from. If she doesn't do it soon other responsibilities may prevent her from ever doing it.

Isn’t it funny how different people react. I’d say ‘Oh Mum! That’s so incredibly generous of you. Thank you. DD is really lucky to have you’.

Can’t see the issue.