he is fuming & broke up with me

[AIBUfolk]

My partner has just broken up with me. I can understand why he is annoyed but to break up with me?

He owed his cousin £50 from earlier today (it's not that he didn't have money they were out together and he forgot his wallet at home) this cousin of his and i do not get along what's so ever. We haven't spoke in years, she makes my blood boil and I know I make hers boil too. We had a run in years ago and she attacked me , long story short she's an animal. His cousin and him are very close , he would class her more as a sister.

ANYWAY, dp had asked me if he gave me her bank details would i bank her £50 and he would give me it cash as his online banking was down , I said no 1000x as i hate her too much I don't want my name on her transactions. I'm well aware I sound petty but I'm sure she would hate to see my name also. I gave in but I popped in the reference as "forced transaction" and sent the money, DP was absolutely furious, shouted at me that were done and stormed off too bed.

I'm well aware this all sounds childish and petty. But he knows we can't stand each other. The transaction wasn't exactly forced but if I hadn't of done it I would of had to of listen to dp cry 🙄 the "forced translation" was definitely me being smart as I just can't with this woman, I can't be bitter enough.

I just hope the bank doesn't pick up the reference it won't look to good...

When I see her in public she gives me the middle fingers and gets her children to shout abuse.

A) I pity those poor children, to be saddled with such a feral piece of trash for a mother. They have little to no hope themselves, if this is typical of the examples she sets. How utterly depressing.

B) If your partner chooses to remain close to her knowing that she does this to the mother of his child, then you are most definitely in the wrong relationship.

You say he's broken up with you over it, but where does he live? It doesn't sound as if he's in much of a position to go elsewhere, given that he can't muster 50 quid without crying and begging you for it. Shame really, the best that could happen is that he cobbled together enough money to move out.

This sort of stuff is no way to live a life. I can't imagine getting myself so riled up l, having fights, petty ways to get back at people etc. I would use it as a learning experience OP and change who you associate with and how you behave.

If what's been said here is true about her behaviour towards you, and he is still behaving like she's his best mate after the way she and her kids treat you, i'd take him dumping you as a blessing.

Pack his crap up and tell him to go fuck off to hers if he loves her that much.

"Chav" may have originated from the Romani word "chavi", meaning "child"; I don't think there's any reliable evidence that it originated from "council house and violent", although that's a common belief.

You should feel quite relieved,put it behind you and move on. I’d say 50 quid is quite reasonable for getting rid of an arsehole and his toxic family

I’m pretty sure if we heard the cousin and boyfriends side of this story you wouldn’t be as innocent as you think. Good on him dumping you.

And what is social racism exactly? How is someone's perceived social class a race?

See if you can explain without the use of Google.

I'm not going into social racism here. All I'm seeing is I've seen others call and be called 'chav/chavvy' on MN and they've been called out on it as it's racist/offensive. Would you be happy to be labelled and called a chav/chavvy?

If you think it's offensive or not then go ahead and be offended/not offended as you please. This really does scream back to me here, how much of a white middle class site MN is.

It does indeed say that Chav originates from 'chavi'. Most people lump chav/council house into the same group.

For what it's worth, I'm not Romany nor council house, but this shouldn't matter either way.

Of course youre not going to go into it here (or anywhere). I expected nothing less.

I'm neither white, nor middle class btw.

Why should I explain social racism to you? You can like me, go ahead and google this if you wish.

I find the term chav/chavvy to be offensive and a cheap, low dig. Yes, we all know people might behave in this manner/act like that, but it's still low to use this term to speak about them like this, in my opinion.

Something can be a dig, or a low blow or offensive, without being racist.

You can't explain why you've said this is racist, and come up with the, oh so clever, "why should I explain it to you" because you've realised that you're wrong. That's the problem with doing a quick Google and not understanding what you're actually saying.

Again, please explain why this is racism, since you're the one saying it is.

It's a comment which is offensive towards a certain group of people, Romanies. I've explained that before. If I find this racist then I think I'm entitled to find it offensive. I mean it's also a dig, a low blow and offensive in my mind.

I'm sure if I were to ask friends of mine who are actually Romany if they found it racist, they'd agree with me.

This whole thing has been constructed as a way for everyone involved to showcase their problems with each other.

He could have waited a few hours for his online banking to be back up. Or sent the money via PayPal. If I lend a small amount to a friend, I don't expect it back instantly.

And it was nothing to do with you, but you gave in and were also petty about it.

You're all better off out of each other's way than making it a budget soap opera.

Find it offensive all you like.

It's not racist though.

Although I'm yet to read your explanation of 'social racism', I guess I'll be waiting a long time.

If you supposedly know Romany people why are you getting all your info from Wiki, and why do you think you can speak on behalf of them anyway?

Would you speak on of any other group of people after doing a quick Google and deciding somethings offensive on their behalf? - actually don't answer that, you probably would.

What did OP do to deserve being physically attacked when she was pregnant?

And good on her ex for standing by her attacker and dumping the mother of his child for not meekly accepting the assault on herself and their unborn child?

Do you have any idea how vile and disgusting you are to even consider commiting those thoughts to writing?

Shame on you and whoever raised you.

Wiki doesn't even call it social racism - it says it has been referred to as such.

It's common or garden prejudice and elitism. It's not racist. I don't think even with a Romany derivation it could be regarded as racist, since chavi is a Romany term, not a term directed at them.

OP, if you want some slightly more sensible advice I'd start a thread in Relationships about your DP and his support of his cousin, who assaulted you whilst pregnant. But really, you are better off without him

As Romanies and Travellers are recognised ethnic groups then this is racist.

Socialism racism, yeah I got this off google/wiki but it is a 'thing'. It's not something I made up. I'm actually the least PC person you could find, but I do believe for standing up for people who many seem to think are beneath them.

So I supposedly know Romany people, the woman is a friend and is fully Romany and her 4 sons are half Romany. What's wrong in me getting info from Wiki/google? I can assure you, she might not be offended (she's quite a relaxed character) but her sons certainly would be as they've suffered discrimination in the past, directed through her and also at them.

And then you finally assume I'd speak on behalf of others?! Unbelievable. So I suppose my brother's ex-GF from a long time, she's bi racial, I shouldn't stick up for her? I mean she's more than capable of sticking up for herself but why shouldn't I stick up for her if I/she needed me to? And trust me she's had some nasty racist comments flung her way in the past. She's like a sister to me.

My main point was I found the word chavvy/chav offensive for my reasons which are valid. I'm not going to back down on that so don't even think about trying to make me.

I suggest you search for previous posts where others, not just have also found the terms of offensive.

All three of you sound like childish drama queens.

As Romanies and Travellers are recognised ethnic groups then this is racist.

The origin of the word is rooted in Romany culture but its more modern common usage has little or nothing to do with Romany culture or Traveller culture. As a classist slur or a value judgement on taste, it's almost exclusively directed at a certain cohort of the white working class, by the white middle class. On that basis, I don't see any argument for it being racist.

As for so-called 'social racism' well that's just not even a thing. Just because, presumably, some social justice idiot somewhere has decided it should be a thing, doesn't mean it is a thing.

How is social racism a thing. What makes it racist as opposed to offensive or unkind?

You're not sticking up for anyone, you're speaking on behalf of other people, with very little actual knowledge.

I'm actually the least PC person you could find - sure.

Whatever... make your assumptions without even knowing me. Can't argue with stupid so I'm out of here.

MN seems to be going so far down this route though. Aggressive posters.

Did you search for previous examples of how it's not ok to call someone a chav/chavvy on MN? Nah - thought not.

I am speaking on behalf of people 'with' a bit of knowledge. But the point remains, to call someone a name, which is a nasty name and a cheap name, which I find offensive is what I'd prefer to do rather than keep quiet and be a sheeple. You and a few others seem to think it's fine to use abusive/socially racist/prejudiced terms - go ahead - you do you! I have the right to object to this.

I'm really quite PC. Less so than some, especially since I don't believe you can wake up and decide you're a boy for the day. So I won't use the word 'chav' because it is offensive, prejudiced and unpleasant. I very much doubt it's racist. Looking up social racism, it isn't racism against a social group - it's probably better understood as structural racism. You would still need to belong to a race for it to affect you and the word is usually, as PP have said, directed at a class rather than a race.

Did you explain what social racism is?

Nope thought not.

I never once said it was OK to call someone chavvy, it's not a word I use anyway. I said its not racist, and asked you to explain why it is, which you havent/can't.

You're right in one regard though, you can't argue with stupid 👋

This Is all very childish. Better off apart if this is the level of drama over something so small.