AIBU for thinking MIL's expectations are too high ?

[blueyavocado]

Basically I gave birth 2 weeks ago , partner is on paternity leave and is a massive support . Right now our priority is our baby and ourselves. We live with his parents

Baby is well looked after and is content and happy. But MIL is having high expectations from the both of us with regards to keeping the house immaculate. We are already looking after our baby and helping out with the ; cooking , dog walks , unloading the dishwasher , laundry , making the kitchen tidy etc but whatever we do is not enough.

Today I spent the morning making cupcakes for her and preparing a roast on top of trying to cluster feed a very fussy baby . My partner was supporting me, but she came home and immediately moaned about the sink being full of cups that we had to hand wash as the dishwasher hadn't cleaned them and the bin not being emptied. She moaned that my DP does nothing and I explained he had been up all night feeding and changing LO.

It's continuous, the other day she wanted to book a holiday and kept demanding for me , but I was in the middle of feeding out little one.

I just don't know what to do, AIBU? Or are her expectations to high? I feel like I've not even had a chance to recover. She keeps nagging me about exclusively breast feeding , but I don't have the time with everything she expects us to do. I'm only managing to breast feed him 2 times a day, the rest is bottle as it takes up a lot of time

Why are you living with your partner‘s parents?

If you are living with her, and DH is leaving dirty crockery around, I can understand her getting annoyed. You might be feeding the baby (though you might not be if 2 breastfeeds a day), but he is not an can do his own washing up and yours too!
It doesn’t take 2 adults full time to look after a baby - he can certainly do more to just pull his weight around the house!
Otherwise, you may need to find your own home (where you both will certainly need to do more or you will be living in a tip )

You give birth two weeks ago?Why are you making her cupcakes and a roast?You need to be relaxing,bonding,and healing.You are doing way to much.

Gently, I’d of unpacked the dishwasher, washed the cups and emptied the bin before I started making cupcakes and preparing a roast.

If you live in somebody else’s home it doesn’t really matter if you deem their standards ‘too high’, you have no choice but to abide by them.

I imagine you’re saving up so you can stand on your own two feet? Until then, you’ll have to comply.

If you don’t have time to breast feed then your partner is not doing nearly enough OP. When are you moving out?

I just don't know what to do move out get your own house!

This isn't right at all. At 2 weeks to be exclusively breastfeeding (if that's what YOU want to do as opposed to her) you really do need to be nursing on demand as often and as long as baby needs, to build your supply and establish it properly. Bottles aren't necessary at all if baby is gaining weight well. No way should you be doing ANY housework at all! I am EBF my 5 week old and it's only in the last few days I've started doing a bit of housework, otherwise it's literally feeding. Certainly at 2 weeks my DH was doing everything else.
Your MIL is totally unreasonable. Get your DH to read her the riot act, and maybe see if she can be around when the next midwife or HV visit is who'll definitely be able to explain how important focussing on breastfeeding is in these early weeks, if that's your preferred feeding method.

Where is your partner in all this (who's on paternity leave)?

Why is he not making dinner etc whilst you feed the baby?

The whole point of paternity leave is to support mum so she can look after baby and get into a routine....

You should be resting and nursing not making cupcakes and roasts whether in her house or yours. Let your partner wsit on the parents. And move out as soon as you can.

This. Very much this.

Gently, she’s 2 weeks post partum, it’s Mother’s Day and her partner is on paternity leave. He should be doing all that crap while she feeds and cuddles her baby.

You shouldn’t be doing loads of housework if you’re trying to breastfeed, but there’s no reason your DH can’t. If you were living in your own place he’d have to do it all. One of you looks after the baby, one of you does the house work. You can both switch around if you prefer. Otherwise, get your own place instead of living with MIL.

Actually I'll revise my post. I was carried away being shocked by your cooking at 2 weeks postpartum and missed the very key point others have made that actually your DH is the one who needs to step up here. MIL may well be expecting too much of you as a pair but between the two of you it's DH who should be doing the housework, not you. You're the one who needs to physically recover and nurse.

Why don't you look after the baby and your dp does the household tasks? It doesn't take two to care for a baby.

Go home to your own house

And nothing wrong with cooking dinner either, but I'd skip the baking.

Why isn't your DP pulling his weight properly? He should be doing the bulk of the housework and cooking, and letting you rest and care for the baby.

But you initially said Your MIL is totally unreasonable. Get your DH to read her the riot act They’re living with the MIL and can’t be making mess not to be cleaned up whether that’s the OP or the DH one of them has to do it.

Why are you shocked at anyone cooking 2 weeks after having a baby?

So it's your DH/DP that is the issue. He is on paternity leave and should be doing all these things while you tend to the baby. If you are living at MILs then he should be ensuring that as a couple you aren't overstepping and it is entirely on him to ensure that your (as a couple) share of chores etc are being done and done properly at this time.

I suspect very much that MIL is also disturbed and lacking sleep with a young baby in the house. It is on your DH to make things run smoothly and to help you recuperate post partum

@TeaKitten gently, baking cupcakes in a shit tip isn’t a priority for partner or new mother?

You need to be feeding at night. It’s important for upping and regulating your supply. If you’re going to breastfed (because YOU want to, your MIL’s opinion is irrelevant) you need to focus on that and let your partner do the housework. Why was he up all night feeding and changing the baby? You need to be feeding on demand, resting, eating well, drinking lots of water.

Baking and making a roast today was ridiculous. If that stuff needed to be done he should have done it.

I’ll leave the why are you living there stuff aside. There’s one baby and two of you. You should be resting, recovering, feeding. He needs to do everything else. He’s not being a good support to you from what I read.

Obviously not. Cups in the sink and bin not being emptied isn’t a shit tip, and her partner should be taking more responsibility. OP isn’t responsible for this man’s actions, he should be dealing with his mother himself.

Honestly, even given how hellish the early newborn stage can be, I’m not how two FT people aren’t able to do basic housework and look after a baby to the point where you ‘haven’t got time to BF’, but if the status quo is this disastrous, I think you need to find your own place. It doesn’t matter if you think your MIL is unreasonable, you’re living in her house on her goodwill. And having two extra people and a newborn is disruptive.

Why are you making a roast and baking cupcakes? Why do you not have time to feed your baby? What does your DP do?

That's not meant to sound snippy, but before you jump to blaming your mil it might be worth considering why she's getting cross. For all the posts that are blaming mil, what she has complained about is her son not doing enough! I'd be cross at a s&Dil who are too busy to bf, empty dishwashers or empty bins etc but do have time to bake and make a roast.

Feeding baby comes first. You should be sat on the sofa doing that. DH should be supporting by cooking, cleaning, emptying bins, nappy changes etc. No one needs to be making cupcakes.

Bloody hell!!!! Stooooooop!!!! Why are you doing all this?

Just STOP. Tell your mil to PISS OFF.