AIBU for thinking MIL's expectations are too high ?

[blueyavocado]

Basically I gave birth 2 weeks ago , partner is on paternity leave and is a massive support . Right now our priority is our baby and ourselves. We live with his parents

Baby is well looked after and is content and happy. But MIL is having high expectations from the both of us with regards to keeping the house immaculate. We are already looking after our baby and helping out with the ; cooking , dog walks , unloading the dishwasher , laundry , making the kitchen tidy etc but whatever we do is not enough.

Today I spent the morning making cupcakes for her and preparing a roast on top of trying to cluster feed a very fussy baby . My partner was supporting me, but she came home and immediately moaned about the sink being full of cups that we had to hand wash as the dishwasher hadn't cleaned them and the bin not being emptied. She moaned that my DP does nothing and I explained he had been up all night feeding and changing LO.

It's continuous, the other day she wanted to book a holiday and kept demanding for me , but I was in the middle of feeding out little one.

I just don't know what to do, AIBU? Or are her expectations to high? I feel like I've not even had a chance to recover. She keeps nagging me about exclusively breast feeding , but I don't have the time with everything she expects us to do. I'm only managing to breast feed him 2 times a day, the rest is bottle as it takes up a lot of time

It sounds like a really hard situation OP, and I'm not sure I can offer any suggestions more helpful than previous posters.

But I do want to send you a big virtual hug- the idea that you spent your first Mother's Day, with a newborn no less, cooking and baking and basically having to fuss over your MIL makes me so sad.

We can never know all the ins and outs of a situation just from reading a post, but I hope you know you deserved more than that.

Today I spent the morning making cupcakes for her and preparing a roast on top of trying to cluster feed a very fussy baby . My partner was supporting me, but she came home and immediately moaned about the sink being full of cups that we had to hand wash as the dishwasher hadn't cleaned them and the bin not being emptied.

Kitchen was immaculate as I was cooking

It doesn’t sound immaculate, to be fair. I don’t think I’d have been doing a roast/making cupcakes two weeks after giving birth. She’s probably stressed with stuff everywhere.

That aside, it doesn’t sound like you can continue to live in her house for long-you’d have had more privacy in your one-bed flat.

What’s your plan/timeline for moving out?

It sounds like a difficult situation and MIL sounds hard to deal with. Unfortunately you're in a situation where you either stay where you are and put up with your MIL, at the end of the day it is her house, her rules, unreasonable or not.

You and your partner need to make a plan on moving out into your own home together. It might not be the area you wanted, but now you have a child you'll have to provide a home. Or stay with your in laws but be prepared to live with the requests.

The fact that she suggested you move in and insists upon these weirdly high standards within 2 weeks of the baby's arrival sounds unbearable.

Maybe she didn't realise what it would be like. That's the only possibly defense I can think of, even then, her behaviour sounds really trying.

If you can afford to move out, I would do so. Unless you are willing to pay the high mental cost of living on eggs shells for the years it would probably take you to save up. I was priced out of my home neighbourhood decades ago - it is possible to relocate and be happy! Obviously a big decision, but I couldn't tolerate what you are describing.

She sounds pretty horrible. I would agree with others that your best bet is to either ignore her dramatics while trying your best to conform to her totally unreasonable demands OR do everything you can to get out of there, and fast. It's utterly bizarre she invited you to move in and is treating you both the way she is. She sounds like she might be a narcissist, since this is pretty classic behaviour for those types.