Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

I have 3 children and I find the Mother’s Day expectations very tedious. He’s a moody teenager and he has come along on a trip he didn’t want to. Mother’s Day doesn’t render you unable to queue etc. sounds like you received an appropriate amount of recognition from your children and your expectations are unreasonable.

You were being a bit petulant. A garden centre on a very busy Sunday would be plenty people's idea of hell.

YANBU. It's one day when your family is supposed to put you first, do something that you enjoy and they didn't, and your husband was actively difficult. I would be cross and upset too.

It's Op's DH who wouldn't queue.

I think you did the right thing by leaving. Next year disappear for the day and do something nice just for you.

(I've had a shit mothers day too).

Ah I'd probably have felt the same. Him churlishly refusing to queue would have enraged me.

There's too much build up and expectation on Mother's Day though I think. Maybe next year book a lovely day and night away and take yourself off without them all!

Whilst it might sound like a moody teenager the OP was describing, it was in fact her DH

YANBU - it’s Mother’s Day só the idea is you get to do what you want. Garden centres are always rammed on Mother’s Day - it wouldn’t have killed your husband to queue to buy lunch fgs. I’d have left too - nothing worse then being sat with ppl making it so obvious they’re begrudging every minute of what they’re doing

My moody teens didn't bother coming.

DH is 52. He is perfectly capable of queuing 4 or 5 deep at the bar to get a beer in the pub.

Sorry your having a crap day😘 Im flown across europe to see my ‘d’ whos been a complete bitch since I got here. Im now drinking wine alone in my hotel and not letting her ruin my day/weekend any further.

I'm sorry you're married to such a miserable wet wipe! Has he ever made his feelings about 'this sort of place' before??

How old is DD & how was she??

unless she was a mardy mare, I'd take her out for dinner & let DH & boys get on with their own thing.

I can’t believe he wouldn’t even go up and order. What a knob. So what if it’s not his cup of tea. If he didn’t want to go to the garden centre he should have said so in advance. But if it’s your treat and that’s what you want to do he should suck it up and at least make the teeniest tiniest bit of effort that is getting off his arse and ordering the food

Oh for goodness sake, don't be bratty. Stop whinging and make the best of the rest of the day. You can let the inconsiderate dcs know you're not happy but stop having a hissy fit.

YANBU at all, sorry you're not having a good day. DH was being selfish and the kids should of made more of an effort.

I know people hate men on MN but honestly I just think this sort of thing is silly. Why not just go and enjoy the garden centre alone for Mother’s Day? You can do what you want but you don’t need to drag people along and force them to enjoy themselves if it’s not something they want to do. If DH wanted me to go golfing on Father’s Day I would say absolutely not and send him on his merry way!

Feel sorry for your DD!

@Madamqueenofeverything

im sorry you're having a crap time too. At least you're trying to make the most of it. If it helps it's peeing down here. When are you going home?

And her family can’t suck it up for a couple of hours? What a miserable bunch.

Good for you! Next year, do something by yourself, for yourself. Obviously, the same applies to your husband.

Well it isn't quite as dramatic as you made it sound in your OP, is it? You didn't walk out and leave them there, which is what you made it sound like, so YABU for that and with respect to the neighbour, comparison is the thief of joy!

YANBU for being fed up with them for the general lack of effort/sulkiness all round.

The way your husband speaks to you is horrible to be honest, so it is a bit sad. Xx

You are NOT being unreasonable. It is ONE DAY. They could set aside the time for you and try to be pleasant.

I actually very very rarely make this sort of petulant display. I am so used to jollying along and helping everyone and Not Making a Scene. It made me cry for the first time since my daughter was born (she's 14).

DH was really shocked. He has (half) apologized. Said he didn't expect that reaction but he finds those sorts of places difficult. I pointed out he is fine in a busy pub.

I stopped on the way home and got DD a McDonald's.

Thank you🙏🏻 Tuesday which can’t come soon enough. I’d happily take rain right now.😭💓

Ain’t that the truth!

Sorry it wasn’t a nicer day.

I’d be really hurt and angry

But I’d return the favour on Father’s Day (and bin his seed potatoes)