Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

OP told them what she wanted though?

I agree, but the point is, it's one day once a year in recognition of the fact that I look after 5 people day in day out for the other 364 days.

I don't think it would have killed him to mask his irritation better and sucked it up because it meant a lot to me.

Yes, it’s hardly afternoon tea at the Ritz.

Are they generally unappreciative? Because that’s the crux of the issue and is part of a wider issue and not acceptable.

Jeez there are a lot of entitled mams on here today😂😂

most posts are from women who complain for a living

It’s irrelevant if it’s tea at the ritz or a garden centre. It’s somewhere DH actively doesn’t like being.

Quite.

And obviously DH needs must come first on Mother’s Day 🙄🙄

Shit! Well it’s his day after all eh? OP should’ve just eaten some gravel and thanked her lucky stars.

Why did your dh come / was expected to come ?

It's Mother's Day, why wasn't it you and your dd ? or do you not drive ?

I think you're being a bit dramatic, of course your 2 teenage boys don't want to go to a garden centre! Son in uni sent a text but you're annoyed he didn't send a card? Lucky he remembered at all really!
You can't force things like this, DH hates going to busy garden centres and ordering when it's busy, you must have known this before, was it magically going to change just because it's Mother's Day?

No….but why would you want to take your partner or child somewhere they don’t want to be? Just go alone and have some time for yourself. Again, I wouldn’t go to a number of places with DH just because it’s Father’s Day.

Some people just can't go for lunch without drama

Having a Face of Doom (great phrase, I’m going to steal it) because you are spending a couple of hours in a garden centre to make your wife / mum happy on Mother’s Day is being really quite spoiled.

Well more fool you for thinking you could tip up at the garden centre and be accommodated you sound a bit of a diva. I'm a mum of three and was working my weekend shift so didn't get a lie in or pick and choose what I fancied.
Take yourself off somewhere nice and leave your miserable husband at home or do a nice afternoon tea with your dad at least she wanted to come with you.

I’m pleased someone shares my point of view

And god forbid A Man should not only put himself out for his partner as a one-off, but also do so with grace and kindness rather than acting like a petulant spoiled baby determined to ensure no one enjoys themselves if it's not The Man's idea of fun.

I can’t believe how many people think that the DH’s behaviour is fine because “they hate garden centres”. I hate soft play, climbing walls, cinemas that aren’t arty, whisky, primark, municipal swimming pools, motor shows, Minecraft, Mr Tumble and McDonalds. I have, however, had really quite a lot to do with all of the above, because various members of my family DO like them and I want them to have a NICE TIME! So on occasion I do something which wouldn’t be my first choice because someone else likes it- and I do not have a teenage sulk in the middle of it and spoil the day for everyone.

By the time the twat husband refused to queue they had found a table, all he had to do was go and order and come back with a fucking spoon in a pot with a number on it! But the useless sack of potatoes couldn’t even manage that. There’s simply no excuse.

Our expectations of special occasion rarely pan out as we want but I just count my blessings that are healthy ..
don’t expect and we won’t be disappointed .. I’ve learned this the hard way .. just count blessings 🫶

Why does everything have to be about sex? I’ve said repeatedly that I would also not do the same for my husband. Some people on here love to make everything a sexism issue when it’s not. Next Mother’s Day OP should go and do something for herself during the day, and she should do exactly as much effort for Father’s Day as her husband did. Eg the cards and gift he got for her. It’s simple and it’s not a huge drama, and no one has to throw themselves under the horse.

She wasn't suggesting to go there for his birthday or Father's Day though.

This was her treat for Mother's Day. The idea that it's unreasonable for women to ask their family members to prioritise them occasionally is so depressing.

Doing stuff for children you chose to have isn’t the same as making children do stuff for you. Or husbands. Or wives. Or partners of any kind.

Ok, I happily withdraw, and amend A Man to A Selfish Dickhead.

Experience of MN and elsewhere suggests it's quite common among men, and excused by women with extraordinarily low standards. But I'm very happy to allow that their are women who are similarly unable to put other people first once in a while.

But women should be treated with respect by their family every single day. To me prioritising someone has nothing to do with tagging along with them on an activity they know you don’t enjoy.

YANBU.
is it just about today though? Is it that even on today they can’t be thoughtful to you? Or put your needs/wants first?

if so- make some changes day to day to feel better. Plan something for next year and ditch them all except your DD! Treat yourself. Happy Mother’s Day.