Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

I have also had a partly shit Mother's Day. It was rendered better when I walked off with DD to town and we bought her some sparkly shoes and had brunch.
I've told DH we are doing it again next Sunday (I wanted him to take the DC to church because I've taken them three times on my own, but he's too disorganised so if he's coming EVEN WITH THE REST OF US we are always late and he tries to chivvy DS who has SEN and gets things done given an hour more than everyone else but NOT if rushed).
I'm now lying on the sofa (I also have a cough) and being brought cups of tea.

Teenagers and children can be inherently selfish. Your DH? No. He should be setting n example for your children and letting you know how much he appreciates you. Hs stropping is childish and i would have also left. You don’t exist to make tend to your adult husband’s temper tantrums.

Your dh was being an arse but it sounds a bit unfair on your dd, who did go with you. Unless of course she is old enough to go get the food, in which case she should have done so.

It's far too early to buy bedding plants- there's still lottos frost to come. Go back in May.

Sounds like your sons get their bad attitudes from dad. Typical

Sucks that your daughter was caught in the middle of yours and your husbands tantrums, hope you both apologised to her and made it clear not of this was her fault.

it's not about you though. It's where the OP wanted to go. The DH actually got something HE wanted from the garden centre so it's not as though he was that inconvenienced by it. Aand its not as if they were eating lunch amid the bedding plants. the actual place was the cafe which just so happened to be located in a garden centre. the garden centre element is pretty much irrelevant other than to specify the sort of level of the meal in terms of cost and fanciness - i.e. which completely disproves your point that OP was being princessy!

Ok, update.

He, my DS and DD have got together to make dinner. The meal choice is DD's suggestion. They are making a great deal of effort with the presentation. (My other DS is autistic so I don't mind him not joining the food prep bit).

I feel like my mini tantrum has been assessed and felt to have a basis in truth, that my family thought a quick purchase on Amazon and then treat me the same as any other day was sufficient when really what I wanted was not to be the nurturer for one day, and that was and is more important to me than a bottle of champagne. (Nice though champagne is).

love it when posters are so keen to stick the boot in they don't even bother to properly read the OP and just make up what they think happened....

Your DH sounds like an ass. Can’t stand all the attention not being on him. Your DCs are following suit.

No, they aren't like this. DH adores me, I just got a bit taken for granted today. They are beavering away now making food.

Christ some people set the bar low….

Not the point of the thread but.... you haven't cried on 14 years?? Gosh it was long overdue!

Glad your day got better.

Mother's day is so over hyped and its all just too pressurised to have the perfect day. Why pick a garden centre on a sunday on mothers day without being able to pre book? sounds like hell to me.

Oh my god, the competitive 'chill mum/wife' shit on here.

Especially people going 'well if they take you for granted the rest of the year, that's on you and you need to communicate better the rest of the time, not expect miracles on mother's day, it's overhyped wahhh'

Erm, she wanted her husband to order lunch and her kids to make an effort, she wasn't asking for a street parade. Sorry that you've swallowed the misogynist lie that a woman asking to be treated with the same care she gives her family is high maintenance and demanding behaviour, but some of us have woken up from that particularly insidious attitude. If aren't bothered about mothers day personally and don't expect anything and that's what your family do - great! But that's irrelevant to this - set mothers day aside, OP was asking to be shown some appreciation by a few small gestures - that's not unreasonable!

Result!

I think that's a nice update @BigBreaths
He/ they realised you were upset and they're trying do make things better. That's a good thing.

Hope you have a lovely evening together.

Wow! How nasty. I’m all for she who laughs lasts and would spend whatever you’d usually budget for her next birthday gift, spend it on yourself and let her know about it!

I think this nails it. Those who feel generally appreciated and loved by their DH and kids are satisfied with a card or a nice text or call from their adult kids for their Mother’s Day. Those who feel unappreciated are upset that their ungrateful families can’t even make an effort for one day.

But why make an effort for a day made up by the card companies? Shouldnt the effort be made 'any day?

You could say the same about birthdays then 🤷‍♀️

MY DH is acting like a petulant twat too, if that helps. He's got a hangover, as is usual for a Sunday. DCs each got me an Emma Bridgewater mug and flowers, and DS is a baker and also made me a beautiful cake. DH is acting like he's jealous of the attention I'm receiving. I made our usual brunch, carried it into the dining room, and he said "oh, I don't want that" so we shared it out onto our own plates. I've made dinner, folded laundry, changed our bed and done some work on my laptop. He's done the washing up and left pans 'in soak'. I'm just ignoring him. I'm told old for his/this childish shit.

I wouldn’t have got up and walked out and I think you cut your nose off to spite your face.

But I would have refused to order and tell DH he is doing it.

I can totally see why you’d feel so frustrated over something so minor because there was nothing stopping him from doing it, he just thought it was your job.

I'm so sorry you had an awful day. I don't know the answer but know that a lot of people have rubbish days on days like mother's day that are supposed to be lovely. Sending hugs and make sure you treat yourself to a 'me day' doing lots of nice things for yourself x

I made our usual brunch, carried it into the dining room, and he said "oh, I don't want that" so we shared it out onto our own plates.

@peakygold I’m so glad you didn’t appease his childish behaviour.

You did absolutely the right thing by carrying on and sharing the food.
His loss.

What an absolute twat.