Walked out of mother's day lunch

[BigBreaths]

I probably am BU

3 teenaged sons, 1 daughter.
Cards and gifts organised by DH from the 3 at home. Text message from the one at uni.

For my treat I wanted to go to the garden centre to get bedding plants and have lunch.

2 boys didn't want to come.
DH and DD came. DH bought his seed potatoes to plant.
Cafe was busy, we had to wait a while for a table. DH told me off for waiting near the tables "loitering trying to get people to leave" (to be clear I wasn't standing over any one table, just standing within the cafe area).
Finally sit down, looking at menu, DD decides what she wants, DH looks, says "I'll have sausage and chips". I tell him what I would like. He makes it clear he isn't going to the counter while having a face like a slapped arse. I say it's mother's day so i would appreciate it if I didn't have to queue and order, and anyway what would he do if I weren't there? Him: "I wouldn't be in here. I hate these sort of places. They make me very uncomfortable".

So I said right, let's leave then, you aren't going to enjoy it. He says don't be silly. I say no, it's ruined now, and head off.

In the moment I felt really upset that of my whole family, 2 didn't bother coming at all, my other son didn't bother sending a card, and my DH couldn't put himself out to go and order or hide his dislike of my "treat".

As we got home, my neighbour was being taken out to lunch by her family. Most ironic.

My 1 year old woke up at 1am and spent 7 hours puking. Then diarrhoea rest of Sunday and Monday and tuesday (today). With a temperature. Doctors say nurovirus. Couldn't see my mum. She's poorly and has a low immune system and I'd been with my little one all night. Couldn't risk passing it on.

Happy mothers day to me. At least it's one for the memories!

You got a lot more kindness and happiness than some. More than my mothers day. Or my mums. More than those who want children but can't have them. Sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. Your family are well. And mostly made an effort. Get over yourself.

And FYI, on busy public days like mothers day or fathers day or valentines day or Easter or anything else you can think of, why don't you celebrate it 1-2 weeks/weekends before or after? When it's less busy? You're still making the point of remembering to appreciate someone, and remembering to tell them you care. It shouldn't be left to one day a year that your kids say they love you.

For example, DH and I don't do valentines day. We don't agree that you should ONLY show love to your significant other ONCE a year, especially when prices are hiked up. Tell them you care, show them you love them, as often as you can. They won't be here forever.

You know, I completely get it. YANBU. I think I’ve given up on Mothers Day. What’s meant to be a day to celebrate your mum/ the mother of your children…. Has turned into DC & DHs just being annoyed they have to do stuff for someone else, for just one day.

All I can is I'm sorry your family were being so shit. And don't listen to anyone on here trying to invalidate your feelings.

I really can’t be bothered with Mother’s Day, I told my husband not to get me anything - he still got me chocolates. My 16 old teen still hasn’t bothered to give me his card and I had to ask for my card from my 14 year old. I don’t think any less of my children, we do loads of lovely things on days that we choose rather than on a forced day where actually it makes many people just feel shitty.

Just because you're happy to set the bar that low doesn't mean other people are 'precious and high maintenance' for expecting a little more. I hate the term 'high maintenance' when it's used to belittle women that dare to expect people to treat them decently. OP wanted a trip to the garden centre followed by a meal, she wasn't exactly demanding pink ponies and a trip up the Oxo tower.

@BigBreaths you were quite within your rights to be annoyed, especially with your DH, and I think you've had a very rough time, no doubt from people with very little experience of parenting teens. My DH can be an arse, but he makes an effort on Mother's Day to support the 'kids' efforts.

At least he paid you some attention. Go and make him a special meal to say thank you.

Honestly some of these posters. Saying what a rubbish day they have had and then saying ‘it is all commercialised nonsense and my family love me anyway’. Either happily don’t do it or raise your expectations. Don’t say how awful your day has been and then try and spin it into a positive. It’s ok to be disappointed and express that.

No, they won't, if you carry on in this pompously performative vein. 😂

Hello, twat spouse, you at least paid me some attention. By making me feel like shit.
So here's a little delicacy I've prepared for you.
No, really, I don't deserve you.
Thank you for putting up with me for all these years, and I apologise for imagining that you wanted to come to the Garden Centre with me on Mothers' Day. I was thinking of myself, and for that, I apologise.
I've learned my lesson, so let's just move on.

The teens sound like typical selfish teens. Infuriating, but one assumes they’ll grow out of it.
Your DH: well, I’m glad he listened when you told him why you walked out and that’s he’s doing his best to make amends. But in the moment he was extremely ungracious, rude and a twat, frankly. The whole point of giving someone a day out is that you do what THEY want to, and you do it graciously and with at least feigned enthusiasm. My DP and I take each other out for birthdays and the whole day is birthday person’s choice. I’ve been to cafes, films, exhibitions etc with him that I wouldn’t have chosen for myself, and I’m sure the same is true for him. But we don’t sit with a face on or tell each other if we’re not enjoying it.

I don’t know why people on here are so keen to pile on and tell you’re a diva or you’ve had a tantrum or you’ve made your family feel like shit (that one is particularly hilarious). Perhaps they just think having your feelings and happiness taken for granted is women’s lot or something.

i do not celebrate it either it is a waste of money to busy to go anywhere you know you are loved by are kids

I'm commenting about the feel of this thread in general, not about her lunch in specific. Many people had commented, at the point I wrote, that mother's day is all about mothers. Last time I checked the internet is global, so I don't see the harm of talking about other experiences. And there was no hidden meaning, I was not criticizing nor saying they have to do it the same way. I was saying the description is strange to me and we do it differently. That's not a judgment. You're reading subtext that I did not put there.