Why is being successful frowned upon by most on Mumsnet

[Teenangels]

I have been/seen on some threads that people, are negative towards those that have become successful, children go to private school means the kids are entitled.

Why can't we celebrate that some people get lucky with an idea, take risks, work incredibly hard and pay their fair share on taxes.

I have seen people demand that the OP gives their profits to charity without even knowing what the OP gives to charity.

We need to celebrate all in society.

I see things where for example OPs children go to private school because "none of the state schools were good enough" etc etc. I think the way some people put things across is extremely entitled.

However I do see jealousy towards high earners, there's usually so much negativity towards someone who earns well and it's immediately assumed they are entitled and have no clue about being poor and so on.

Agreed OP if women don't celebrate each other, no one else will!
Like @Yawnnn said, with the COL if people are doing well, it's worth being thoughtful to people who aren't in the way they say things.

It's MN - a permanent race to the bottom. Everyone complains about everything on here!

Women are socialised differently to men. We are judged whatever we do.
Work, not work, have kids, don't have kids.

The trick is not GAF and crack on.

But yes I agree, women should support each other and celebrate success.

I have seen people demand that the OP gives their profits to charity without even knowing what the OP gives to charity.

That's batshit!

Any chance of a link?

I don’t have a problem with people who are successful, good luck to them! However, I do find it vulgar to gloat, and also have no time for all the “We earn 3 hundred billion a year but we can’t make ends meet and only manage to save a grand a month” threads.

I agree to a extent op however when I see soo many threads starting off with “dc is having a issue in school (private school).”

And the subject discussed doesn’t even have any relevance to the private school directly, maybe just a teaching issue bullying etc just general I think it’s a bit tedious tbh.

I think context and tone is important. Absolutely people should not be demonised for making money, and should spend it however they see fit. We should all be able to live the lives we choose.

But you do get threads on here moaning that the prices of stables have gone up, that private school fees have gone up etc etc - and I’ve no doubt that’s difficult if it’s the standard of living you’re used to, but it’s a bit tone deaf to expect sympathy when a lot of people on smaller incomes are struggling to cover their basics. Or you get posters who will have a pretty innocuous thread about their success, but will randomly include a line about people in low income jobs not working hard enough to earn more money and that’s never going to win you any sympathy.

There are more measurements of success than money.

I have no time for the I'm struggling on £100k a year posts when there are people cold and hungry in this country.

Is it? I mean I think you have to pretty tone deaf to imagine in the UK that other people should endorse or be excited about your schooling arrangements, for example.

Presumably one of the reasons is that it looks a bit self aggrandising which culturally isn't something many British people like, inasmuch as you are talking about money by proxy and also asking for compliments.

I mean, this is a country where "not bad" is high praise.

I don’t think that the anti -private school feeling is based in resentment of people being successful and rich. It is challenging the idea that anyone who is rich should automatically send their children to private school.

People get upset because this sends a message that state school is terrible and those who have no choice but to use it are causing their children to suffer.

It’s very different to accepting that your rich neighbour can afford a nicer car than you.

It's very easy for people who are employees to assume that the owner of the business they work for has always been successful. Unless you were there at the outset, you don't see the hard years of getting started. DH started his business 32 years ago, and there have been several periods where he took zero. The first two years we lived off what I earned; during recessions and downturns, we took nothing again. It's very flat again now, so we're taking less out -- but our people have never gone without pay. And when the business is going strong, we pay a 13th month's salary at Christmas.

He took the risk, and put everything in.

It's not the being successful people have an issue with (and let's face it some of this is family money not success) it's the fact that many people in that income bracket loose touch with just how financially privileged they are and that gets people's backs up.

The only persistent disapproval I perceive is for posts that say "A household income of £100k isn't nearly enough in London" etc.

The exact same poster could ask "Please help me spend less" and then post their income & specific category outgoings & be open to suggestions how to economise. We don't see many of the latter posts nowadays, people prefer to moan moan moan.

I think it's all a bit artificial on here as if £70k is an average salary. Yawn.

So then don’t engage on those threads?

MN is now full of people who to be frank don’t work full time. Too much time on their hands.

You see it on here after a days work. It’s the same posters pulling other women down. Be it pensioners (happy to pull the ladder up) or people whose circumstances mean they work the bare minimum or not at all. Rather than focus on other things or maybe a hobby to enhance circumstances. They spend all day getting very angry at women earning over the minimum wage. Expecting these women to go out to earn more to pay more tax though.

It is all very unhealthy but symptomatic of wider society and why productivity is so poor. No-one will help themselves.

Is success you speak of 'I am a women who earns a lot and my income pays for private school' or 'my husband in a millionaire and I married money so my kids go to private school while I do my nails and play tennis'?

Envy.

There are so many more measurements of success than money and most posters know that.

@Papyrophile but I don't think at all that this is the type of thing people get their back up over. But if you were on here saying you are struggling as he's now only getting out £100k a year where it used to be £200k, that's where people are like yawwwnnnn.

Your (very Thatcherite) OP is incoherent. ‘Success’ does not necessarily involve sending your child to a private school — to me that’s completely unethical. And by ‘successful’, do you just mean ‘makes lots of money’? That’s not my definition.

There is celebrating successful women on one end of the scale and being tone deaf to the chunk of the women in your audience on the poverty line at the other end. I think some OPs could display more social grace in their posts without having to apologise for their success. Some high earning posters, I read their OP and think ‘gosh that would be a nice problem to have but it is a problem nonetheless, hope she works it out’ and others I think ‘Wow you are so out of touch and snobby!’

Of course, you get people who are spoiling for a fight regardless or who are truly jealous and want to be harsh because of it and not much you can do about the determined few.

Your comment says it all I married money or I am a women that earns a lot of money.

What about the people that have worked incredibly hard and I mean 90 hour weeks, 7 days a week to get to where they are the took huge risks that have paid off, why does it have to be your 2 examples?

Which threads do you refer to?