Why is being successful frowned upon by most on Mumsnet

[Teenangels]

I have been/seen on some threads that people, are negative towards those that have become successful, children go to private school means the kids are entitled.

Why can't we celebrate that some people get lucky with an idea, take risks, work incredibly hard and pay their fair share on taxes.

I have seen people demand that the OP gives their profits to charity without even knowing what the OP gives to charity.

We need to celebrate all in society.

Very well put!

I like to try and raise awareness as do many others. Sometimes it works.

It was on an AMA 500k thread.

I think if there wasn't so much demonising of those on benefits in this country and that there wasn't a widening gap between the rich and poor where the poor had to choose between eating and heating then people would be more accepting of those who have material success.

The idea that "anyone that works hard can make lots of money" is the not true for many and seems to be less true for younger people with the costs of housing.

With the NHS and education in the state it is people will be resentful of those who can buy their way out of their situation (a long wait for knee surgery/having no choice but to send their kids to a failing school) .. it's human nature.

I say that as someone who is older and although not rich, we are OK.

There's a lot of po faced victims on mn who feel like everyone owes them a confirmation of their life choices. This extends to people who consider themselves successful.

As if people are unaware that there are others worse off. It isn’t ’raising awareness’, it’s hectoring, and it’s boring. It turns people off the very cause you’re apparently advocating for.

Mumsnet isn’t ’one room’ that must only appeal and/or pander to one section of society.

There are lots of threads that tear women down, because of their decisions, be it working or not working, being the high earner, women putting their children into childcare, no one can win.

There are plenty of people who work hard and still couldn’t afford to send their children to private school. Working hard is not the preserve of the wealthy.

Hear, hear.

I think it's the bragging that's frowned upon, rather than the (financial) success.

Also people get tired of "I worked hard for it", as if nobody who struggles financially also works hard. Newsflash: they do.

Can I ask what do you think of those that have started with nothing and through hard work and determination and risk taking over a couple of decades that have made it, those that know poverty but now have a life that is so different to their start in life.

I am so sick of those that say women married money they are looked down on, those that have made the decision to support their partner that they are have no self worth.

You couldn't be more wrong.

Numerous posts on this thread already would appear to share a smilar view to me. Maybe I touched a nerve.

No but there are different measures of working hard.

In some cases that working hard will have been from childhood, at school, university, professional exams etc. That working hard gives people choices and those choices are usually lucrative.

Where has anyone said different?

Hmm, it’s mostly the private school parents who do most of the moaning on here. Mostly about Labour’s plans for the sector at the moment, but it varies.

Usually it the assumption that it was mostly their own capabilities that got them there

In your opening you mention hard work and risk taking

Many very poor people work very hard and risk taking usually requires a little capital and a lot of self confidence and a background level of security- again not available to everyone

100% agree with your second example. Even when they don't say so explicitly and it's more of a 'we earn xxx but we work hard for that,' (with the implication that social workers and carers on a tenth of that wage just sit around chilling all day.)

Same as all the 'how much do you earn' threads where people genuinely say they could not live on less than (large amount) a year, when what of course they mean is they could not lead their current lifestyle on less than that. It does come across as out of touch and unfeeling.

But with the first example - MN is a huge site with hundreds of thousands (more?) users - people who are better off, and asking about things like private school fees/stables/nannies are presumably hoping from input from others in the same position, of which there will, due to the size of the site, be many. Unless MN sets up a 'income of over £100,000' only board, there's no way of targeting a post just at others with the same income as you that won't be offended or upset. What I don't understand is why (and this applies to many topics on mn not just money) people bother clicking, and then posting on a topic that isn't relevant to them. If I see a post complaining about the au pair not doing the cleaning or the cost of this year's school ski trip, I just think 'nice problem to have,' and click on something that's more relevant/interesting to me. I don't see the point of jumping on castigating the OP for their privilege etc.
There should be a big header at the top of every topic saying "BTW you don't HAVE to comment on every single post you read."

There’s plenty who have started with nothing, have worked hard and still don’t have much. Mostly people in useful occupations TBH.
What you’re talking about there is luck.

@Teenangels - I have no problem with anyone being successful - well done them, the question that was asked was why do people have a problem with people's success - I said maybe it's because there is so much poverty and an assumption that others can be successful if they try harder... not always true.

To be clear - it's the smugness that comes across and a general refusal to acknowledge how important luck and birth were

Or does it just prove that people who have a lot of time and get angry at those earning a lot are just in the majority now? Considering state dependency is now the majority it would stand up. MN is full of envious people who seem to have buckets of time to sit on the internet all day. Somewhat making this a forum for those who don’t work full-time by proxy.

Hmm I don't know if this is strictly true of "most of" mumsnet. I've seen some quite disparaging comments the other way round - "why aren't you earning more? You aren't pulling your weight financially. You're leaving yourself very vulnerable if you cannot cover all bills single handedly" type comments...

SAHPs are absolutely sneered at on here too (I'm not a SAHP fwiw).

I actually find MN to be a quite materialistic site in general.

Sorry if you feel maligned for being wealthy though

I don't have a problem with people being wealthy and successful.

I do have a problem with people claiming that it was all down to their hard work when in actual fact they came from comfortable backgrounds and a happy stable home life, had private education themselves, were funded by the bank of Mum and Dad and/or inherited wealth. Acknowledging that you had a fortunate start in life would go a long way towards acceptance. The playing field is not level.

I really respect peole who have come from nothing and have made it, but they are very much not the majority.

Double whammy there.

1 It’s not luck
2 ‘useful occupations’ because no one well paid can be useful?

It strongly depends on the content and context. Like I've seen a thread where someone was debating whether paying their cleaner £10 ph was acceptable? The way they described their existence made them sound loaded, so not fiscal issues. Just that they didn't understand the value of a human being.
A lot seem snobby about how their kids are 'too good' for state school. Like it's absolutely unacceptable to even consider it.
I guess that goes against my beliefs. But I would never begrudge someone success. As long as they try and understand what it's like for the vast majority who do not have it.