Hiding from uninvited guests

[CrazyCatMom]

My mom texted me today to let me know that her sister and brother-in-law (my aunt and uncle) are visiting today (they live approx. 3hrs away) as it is Mother’s Day tomorrow and they want to see my Grandmother.

I live round the corner from mom, and she said they are likely to want to “pop in” and say hello to me too.

Context: I am 39 weeks pregnant, husband is at work and I have a blissful day planned of playing videogames and eating my weight in custard creams.

So I have moved my car off the drive (to a nearby side road), closed the curtains and locked the doors and will be pretending to be “out” until I am sure they have left!

No, never unexpected guest ready but with pre warning like OP had and if I didn't see them very often then don't see the problem tbh. Like you, I'm always busy as well, work full time, DC, but if expecting guests I prepare to accommodate. An arrangement, albeit a loose one, was made, so I would make sure to secure a time. Xx

Years ago we had some friends who would pop in after taking their kids swimming on a Sunday,straaifgr after tea,when all we wanted to do was set up for Mondays,pack ups,gym bags shoes polished.They Always stayed until at least 10 pm,the hard to get kids settled and go the above jobs,so very late to bed all of us.
we did at times close the windows and not answer the door,and I still feel bad about it.after a few times they got the message,and I still feel bad many years later!

I get it.
I left my hometown and moved 30 miles away to force space between me and my overbearing, gossipy family.

Anyone driving 3 hours to just pop in without an invite is being completely rude and ignorant. I used to get this from my bfs parents. Every Saturday!! They'd stay for hours!! At first I was polite and made tea, sandwiches etc., listened to his mum's opinions on how I should decorate the house, get criticised over various inadequacies ... Eventually I spent 30 mins with them, then got on with housework and washing, which was what they were usually preventing. That or us having the morning in bed! It didn't stop them 'popping in' ... Go figure!
If 'hiding' is still going to spoil your day, then I'd definitely bring your car back, open the curtains and let them know by phone that it's not possible - you don't have to say why.
Enjoy your custard creams!

Growing up we had some really odd extended family who would think nothing of travelling anything from a few hours to trans-Atlantically in the hope they could pop in for a visit. I never understood why they didn't just make plans like normal people.

its your guests who should have been feeling bad, for their lack of self-awareness!

This is weird - you’re 39 weeks pregnant and presumably not ill as you didn’t mention you were suffering.

They’ve driven 3 hours, an hour out of your day wouldn’t have been so hard?

For the record, i’m 38 weeks pregnant so i know it’s hard but it’s no excuse to turn selfish

Funny how posters are saying poor aunt and uncle when they hadn’t even asked OP to begin with if they could come by. They passed the information through her mum. If you can’t talk to the actual person you want to see about visiting them, why should you be able to come by?

I don’t ask my aunt to talk to my cousin to go to his house when I’m visiting. I call him directly and ask.

Doesn’t sound like to me they’re close otherwise they would call OP.

MN are a dramatic bunch, you are definitely not being unreasonable. You are literally ready to drop, not the time for (uninvited) guests. They are being the rude ones, expecting to be catered to, especially if they are the type to turn up, even after you've said you're busy. Glad you decided to hide away.

Good on you I used to do that on a regular basis on my day off.

I think your reaction is fine as long as you refuse all benefits of having family nearby. As someone with 3 kids and no family anywhere near, I’m struggling to sympathise. Unless I was unwell, my reaction I think would be to retain control by going to my mum’s, which is round the corner you say, have a cuppa, say you can’t stay long and stick to it. Then spend the rest of the day doing what you want.

Really? If you ever want to benefit from having family nearby (although the family in this case aren’t nearby), you have to be permanently available according to their needs? You can never ask your mother if she’d mind looking after her grandchildren for a couple of hours because once in 2022 you were too busy to help her with the weeding?

Reading comprehension seems to be at an all time low on MN. OP's aunt and uncle are not driving 3 hours to visit her. They are visiting OP's mum and seeing OP's gran. The visit to OP is a side quest so all the pearl clutchers berating OP for not being available for the relatives travelling 3 hours to see her need to re-read the OP's post.
I'm amazed at all the wonderful boundary respecting families out that there that will just accept someone saying they don't feel up to seeing them. Wouldn't happen with mine and I'd be hiding too.

In real life, it's batshit to tell someone that they are being batshit crazy - if you wouldn't say that to someone standing next to you, why would you say it completely unfiltered online? Could it be cowardice on your part?

There are better ways of dealing with it than this. Say you have a migraine, didn't sleep, exhausted but would love to see you next time.