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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hiding from uninvited guests

215 replies

CrazyCatMom · 09/03/2024 14:35

My mom texted me today to let me know that her sister and brother-in-law (my aunt and uncle) are visiting today (they live approx. 3hrs away) as it is Mother’s Day tomorrow and they want to see my Grandmother.

I live round the corner from mom, and she said they are likely to want to “pop in” and say hello to me too.

Context: I am 39 weeks pregnant, husband is at work and I have a blissful day planned of playing videogames and eating my weight in custard creams.

So I have moved my car off the drive (to a nearby side road), closed the curtains and locked the doors and will be pretending to be “out” until I am sure they have left!

OP posts:
Dontbeme · 09/03/2024 14:51

mamajong · 09/03/2024 14:47

To not want unexpected guests is OK but to not just say that seems bonkers to me. Also if they live 3 hours away would it be so inconvenient to just have a cuppa with them, if you don't want them at yours, could you just offer to pop to your mums and grans and have a quick brew with them there or in a nearby cafe, so you can limit your time and still have the rest of your day to yourself?

If they are family that you don't care for then just say you have planned some self care and aren't available for guests.

As you say they live three hours away, so why not ring OP first and tell her they are visiting and ask if she would like to meet up if she's free. I'm guessing OP has the type of relatives that don't take no for an answer.

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 14:53

Mitsky · 09/03/2024 14:38

This is seemingly total normal behaviour on mumsnet where no doubt you’ll get replies applauding your boundaries.

In real life it’s a batshit reaction.

This. Absolutely absurd. However the polling indicates that Mitsky is correct. MN condones all manner of weird behaviour.

OhmygodDont · 09/03/2024 14:54

LadyNijo · 09/03/2024 14:47

So you just say you’re not up for visitors? It is completely batshit to be so incapable of communicating directly with friends or family that you draw your curtains and move your car to pretend you’re away,.

Show quote history

I’ve actually hid in my house before. We had a relative say they were popping over, sorry we are out, maybe next time… still rocked up at our door. Then had a half hour chat with our neighbour in our drive way.

Longdarkcloud · 09/03/2024 14:54

Sometimes telling people “no” for whatever good reason just takes too much effort and at 39 weeks OP is entitled to just to quietly decline to intereact.
Have a great day OP.

Original poster
CrazyCatMom · 09/03/2024 14:57

OhmygodDont · 09/03/2024 14:54

I’ve actually hid in my house before. We had a relative say they were popping over, sorry we are out, maybe next time… still rocked up at our door. Then had a half hour chat with our neighbour in our drive way.

Show quote history

This is exactly what would happen if I just said “no”.

My sister lives on the same road as me too, so if the car was on the drive even if I had said I had other plans/not up to it I just know they would still try ringing the doorbell.

My sister is totally with me on this and only annoyed that she didn’t think to do the same 😂

OP posts:
pootlin · 09/03/2024 15:01

Ignore the people saying it’s weird, I totally get it.

I also don’t like popping in but it’s not acceptable in my family to say you don’t want visitors.

So absolutely keep the car far away, the curtains closed and enjoy your day!

OhmygodDont · 09/03/2024 15:03

CrazyCatMom · 09/03/2024 14:57

This is exactly what would happen if I just said “no”.

My sister lives on the same road as me too, so if the car was on the drive even if I had said I had other plans/not up to it I just know they would still try ringing the doorbell.

My sister is totally with me on this and only annoyed that she didn’t think to do the same 😂

Show quote history

Dh was actually out and checking on the ring doorbell as to when would be safe to return home. Sat waiting in Sainsburys carpark 😂.

Was his bloody family member too.

lap90 · 09/03/2024 15:04

Going to the lengths of moving your car off your drive to hide it is quite something.

phoenixrosehere · 09/03/2024 15:05

BIossomtoes · 09/03/2024 14:53

This. Absolutely absurd. However the polling indicates that Mitsky is correct. MN condones all manner of weird behaviour.

Show quote history

Or some on MN can’t fathom some people having family members who can’t take no for an answer and assume everyone is comfortable with people just coming by without asking.

Doingmybest12 · 09/03/2024 15:05

It's your sister, does that even count as a guest? Seems odd to me but I assume you don't like her.

Murpe · 09/03/2024 15:05

NBU due to the 39 weeks pregnant bit - it does make a difference that this may be the last day for a considerable amount of time that you can just loll by yourself and do exactly as you please.

CurlewKate · 09/03/2024 15:07

I really must push for the new acronym -NFM. Normal For Mumsnet.

pootlin · 09/03/2024 15:07

phoenixrosehere · 09/03/2024 15:05

Or some on MN can’t fathom some people having family members who can’t take no for an answer and assume everyone is comfortable with people just coming by without asking.

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Yep, just because I don’t want visitors popping in doesn’t mean I want to create a rift by saying they can’t come. I still like them and want to be invited to family gatherings and vice versa! Every family is different.

DaughterNo2 · 09/03/2024 15:08

Spirallingdownwards · 09/03/2024 14:40

Or just reply to your Mum and say you have other plans but hope to catch up with them next time they are down.

This!

DaughterNo2 · 09/03/2024 15:09

Doingmybest12 · 09/03/2024 15:05

It's your sister, does that even count as a guest? Seems odd to me but I assume you don't like her.

OP’s aunt

PuppyMonkey · 09/03/2024 15:10

It’s fine OP, but I bet despite the drawn curtains and empty driveway, they’ll still try the door several times, shout through the letterbox, go round the back of your house and peer in etc etc. Grin

phoenixrosehere · 09/03/2024 15:11

Doingmybest12 · 09/03/2024 15:05

It's your sister, does that even count as a guest? Seems odd to me but I assume you don't like her.

It’s her aunt and it’s saying something that OP’s sister is wishing she had thought to do the same as OP.

Dahlia444 · 09/03/2024 15:11

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 09/03/2024 14:39

No need to do that, just tell them you can't be bothered. Trust me, anyone with a microgram of self respectt would never bother you again.

Edited

This I'm afraid. For family that live so far away it's a shame you can't spare an hour. We are all so keen to isolate ourselves these days and then struggle without support. Unless there is some backstory and they are ghastly.

MissingMoominMamma · 09/03/2024 15:14

They’ll probably knock because they feel obliged to, but be relieved you aren’t in.

Doingmybest12 · 09/03/2024 15:14

Doingmybest12 · 09/03/2024 15:05

It's your sister, does that even count as a guest? Seems odd to me but I assume you don't like her.

Woops , sorry didn't read OP carefully.

tobee · 09/03/2024 15:17

Bigearringsbigsmile · 09/03/2024 14:38

Weird , rude and unkind

Yes the uninvited guests would be

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 09/03/2024 15:18

Dahlia444 · 09/03/2024 15:11

This I'm afraid. For family that live so far away it's a shame you can't spare an hour. We are all so keen to isolate ourselves these days and then struggle without support. Unless there is some backstory and they are ghastly.

Show quote history

Exactly that. Whenw e visit someone which is rare as I don't get on with hardly anyone, we always warn them and ask if it ok. We also give them an indication of who ic coming and we do not expect a fest etc as we don't like putting anyone to any trouble.

When we lived in a different part of town, 2 of my siblings often just turned up during the weekdays - we worked weekdays and they were busier weekends and weekdays more free - I asked them to ring and let us know, they just fob me off and laugh it off - now we are the other side of London, all of our kids are adults most are married and we rarely get to see the other

I rather be told if someone did not want me there but for valid reasons EG, have hols booked, have the builders around, going to work or just come back etc rather than take the mick - I would never go to anyone house or speak to them if I found out my visit put them out

Newestname002 · 09/03/2024 15:20

@CrazyCatMom

Context: I am 39 weeks pregnant, husband is at work and I have a blissful day planned of playing videogames and eating my weight in custard creams.

Maybe get comfy in your bedroom with your games, snacks and drinks. use your videos games tech via headphones so they can't hear you and ensure everywhere is firmly locked, your landline through to record messages and your mobile on silent. Enjoy your me time OP. 🌹

MumHereAgain2023 · 09/03/2024 15:21

I applaud you !!

BusySittingDown · 09/03/2024 15:21

They probably don't want to see you either but have said that they'll drop by to be polite, thinking that if you knew that they were in the area and didn't call, you'd be upset.