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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if schools can do this!

193 replies

LondonElle · 09/03/2024 12:54

My 12 year old son was due to go on a sports trip on Friday for the weekend.
We had paid in full for this (over £300.)

He stupidly got involved in a fight the day of the trip ( out of character ) after another boy called him names.

No excuses he was in the wrong and will be punished severely...

I am not minimising what he did.. he was an absolute idiot.

The school pulled the trip which has led to us being out of pocket and he is in isolation on Monday.

I have mixed feeling about this as I'm not sure the school had much of a choice and couldn't fill his place at short notice but part of me thinks due to the bad press the school has recently received and the lack of pastoral support in his year group that an example may have been made of him ( which may be a good thing)

Do I have to suck it up and accept this... don't hold back.. I need cold hard truths!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 09/03/2024 12:55

I think it’s a consequence of his behaviour. Schools need to be able to trust the students they are taking with them.

NuttyYouSayHmmmmmn · 09/03/2024 12:55

It will be in the trip T&Cs.

OutOfTheHouse · 09/03/2024 12:56

They’ve stopped him going or they’ve stopped it altogether?

Original poster
LondonElle · 09/03/2024 12:56

Only him.

OP posts:
baileybrosbuildingandloan · 09/03/2024 12:57

You're not out of pocket though? He's not gone, but you were not expecting to get that money back. They will have had to pay for his place.
He will need to pay you back if anyone does.

TeaKitten · 09/03/2024 12:57

You said he will have a harsh punishment and this is it. Hard lesson to learn but actions have consequences, I’d leave it.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/03/2024 12:57

I know DDs school makes it clear they won't take pupils with too many behaviour points on trips. Its a safety thing.

Tel12 · 09/03/2024 12:58

I think that you are going to have to suck this up. I imagine it's difficult enough containing children anyway without the risk of physical violence. I think that you need to back the school. Hopefully he's learnt a lesson.

Itslegitimatesalvage · 09/03/2024 12:58

He attacked another child. He can’t go away on a trip the same day as they need to be able to guarantee everyone’s safety. And he also needs to have a punishment.

Maybe you don’t care but when you’re the mum of kid being attacked, it matters.

Blouseybiggal · 09/03/2024 12:59

Sorry, but violence in school has to be dealt with. Plus as it happened so close to the trip your DS hasn’t been able to behave better and show that he regrets what he did and can be trusted not to punch other kids if he loses his rag.

School have done the right thing, and think of it this way - your son will really have learned that actions have consequences and this could be what makes him never getting this situation again.

Original poster
LondonElle · 09/03/2024 12:59

Thanks all.
I didn't think of the fact that the school would have already paid for his place.. it's been a long week!
It may be the wake up call we need and a life lesson for him.
He has lost his devices and will be helping me around the house for the foreseeable future.

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonElle · 09/03/2024 13:00

I do care about the other child of course but it was very 50/50.

OP posts:
Resilience · 09/03/2024 13:01

He will hopefully think twice before resorting to violence in response to verbal provocation. I think that's a good thing.

However, as a parent I'd want to be checking that this wasn't a final straw situation in response to longer term bullying etc.

Snugglemonkey · 09/03/2024 13:03

I agree that you need to suck it up. To allow him to go after that is ridiculous. I would not be inclined towards severe punishment tbh. He missed the trip. He should repay you the money for the trip by working it off. Alongside that, I would be looking at why it happened and teaching him other ways to manage his feelings and deal with difficult situations. But for me, I would want to concentrate on teaching over punishing.

Blouseybiggal · 09/03/2024 13:03

I would also make your DS pay back the money. Even if it’s a few quid a week for a long time!
DS did something that lead to him having to pay us back, and he did it. Took him a year but % of pocket money, birthday money, extra money earned all went partly towards it.
into an account then to us once the full amount was paid. He was sort of proud when he got to the end … that he’d managed to clear his debt.

Original poster
LondonElle · 09/03/2024 13:04

I agree with all your points I just needed a bit of a head shake and clarity over the situation.

OP posts:
SpeedyDrama · 09/03/2024 13:04

Honestly I’d be asking why you’re out of pocket and the other boy is getting away Scott free. It is £300 wasted and that is a huge amount of money for nothing. Personally due to it being such a large amount I’d actual fight for him to either go or be (at least partially) refunded. No, it’s not ok he reacted physically at all but it seems absolutely overkill that he is facing punishment in all areas of life and you’ve lost £300.

Is this a pattern of arguments between him and this boy by the way? What was the name calling, because again reacting physically is wrong but I’m wondering if there is an element of reacting to bullying involved?

Spirallingdownwards · 09/03/2024 13:04

As it is 50/50 I assume the other child is also excluded from the trip.

Original poster
LondonElle · 09/03/2024 13:05

The other child wasn't part of the trip so didn't face that consequence

OP posts:
Alaina7 · 09/03/2024 13:07

Well done to the school for sending a strong message against bullying.

I’d give him chores to do to “refund” at least some of the cost of the trip.

SpeedyDrama · 09/03/2024 13:08

Alaina7 · 09/03/2024 13:07

Well done to the school for sending a strong message against bullying.

I’d give him chores to do to “refund” at least some of the cost of the trip.

Edited

If the other child was name calling it sounds to me like they were the bully…..

Tired75613 · 09/03/2024 13:08

£300 would be a huge amount of money for me to be wasted, if it were me I would have had to save over a few months to pay for that trip and would be gutted for it to have gone to waste. I think normal school punishments and obviously your own parenting is enough, missing the trip is probably more of a punishment for you than for him. From your post it's clear you take it seriously, if you had zero input in the decision I would be wanting at least a partial refund.

Original poster
LondonElle · 09/03/2024 13:08

I will say my son isn't a bully... the other child has been goading him for a while. He did over react and I am not excusing this. But he has never been involved in any incidents like this before ( and after this I doubt he will be again)!

OP posts:
Strictly1 · 09/03/2024 13:10

SpeedyDrama · 09/03/2024 13:04

Honestly I’d be asking why you’re out of pocket and the other boy is getting away Scott free. It is £300 wasted and that is a huge amount of money for nothing. Personally due to it being such a large amount I’d actual fight for him to either go or be (at least partially) refunded. No, it’s not ok he reacted physically at all but it seems absolutely overkill that he is facing punishment in all areas of life and you’ve lost £300.

Is this a pattern of arguments between him and this boy by the way? What was the name calling, because again reacting physically is wrong but I’m wondering if there is an element of reacting to bullying involved?

The parent is out of pocket because their child physically assaulted another child. It may have been provoked but retaliating physically is never acceptable.
The school did the right thing. Why should the school be out of pocket? If he started a fight before boarding a plane and wasn’t allowed on, would you expect a refund?

Wooloohooloo · 09/03/2024 13:12

Was it made clear before booking that you could have your place cancelled due to bad behaviour?