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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if schools can do this!

193 replies

LondonElle · 09/03/2024 12:54

My 12 year old son was due to go on a sports trip on Friday for the weekend.
We had paid in full for this (over £300.)

He stupidly got involved in a fight the day of the trip ( out of character ) after another boy called him names.

No excuses he was in the wrong and will be punished severely...

I am not minimising what he did.. he was an absolute idiot.

The school pulled the trip which has led to us being out of pocket and he is in isolation on Monday.

I have mixed feeling about this as I'm not sure the school had much of a choice and couldn't fill his place at short notice but part of me thinks due to the bad press the school has recently received and the lack of pastoral support in his year group that an example may have been made of him ( which may be a good thing)

Do I have to suck it up and accept this... don't hold back.. I need cold hard truths!

OP posts:
lookwhatyoudidthere · 09/03/2024 15:13

Suck it up. He's being punished for misbehaving. Maybe you need to devise your own home punishment for him also, since you've been inconvenienced to the tune of £300. In our house, screen bans hit the hardest.

ILoveNigelTufnel · 09/03/2024 15:14

School trips over night, weekends etc are staffed voluntarily. You don’t get paid more than your usual days wages (directed time is something like 8:30-3:40) and you don’t get time off in lieu usually. Risk assessments have to be water tight and there is enough stress / good will in place in the first place to lead a trip like that.

Lots of staff refuse to do them as it is such a massive responsibility with very little or no thanks for parents. Throw in behaviour concerns like a fight and you’d need extra staff, new risk assessments etc being put in place and a whole additional heap of worry - I’d be backing the school.

Losing £300 is a lot though and it sounds like you need to be asking the school to help with identifying what led to this and how you can support your son - working as a team with the school.

Todaywasbetter · 09/03/2024 15:20

It must be infuriated right on the day of the trip. I will go back into the store and find out their policy on bullying - school needs to be proactive and not wait till things reach boiling point. What is the policy on name calling.

LenaLamont · 09/03/2024 15:20

Spending £300 on a trip he can't attend for disciplinary reasons is very frustrating, I agree, OP. But the school has to pay for his place regardless of his attending. They shouldn't incur a financial loss vecause he got into a fight and couldn't go on the trip.

It's a harsh lesson to learn. I'm sure your 12yo will think more carefully in future.

FUPAgirl · 09/03/2024 15:25

Op so your DS was physicsl with the other child? Did he hurt him? It sound like the school did the right thing, but hard to be sure on the limited info

Blouseybiggal · 09/03/2024 15:26

‘he school are out of order and should repay the cost of the trip. Take them to the small claims court. It's cheeky.’

The money has gone to the company running the weekend, not into the school coffers.

OneCornetto · 09/03/2024 15:34

Viviennemary · 09/03/2024 14:56

The school are out of order and should repay the cost of the trip. Take them to the small claims court. It's cheeky.

Cheeky! Is that a legal term?

MagnoliaBrown · 09/03/2024 15:37

Frozenasarock · 09/03/2024 13:16

It’s a simple safety issue - you can’t take a young person on a trip who less than 24 hours ago was fighting someone who called him names. What if a member of an opposing sports team taunted him?

Other child needs dealing with (though you probably won’t be privy to how), but ultimately they simply have to learn that no matter what the verbal provocation physically attacking someone is never acceptable. Even if it’s a reaction to bullying. Better he learns that now over the loss of a school trip than when he’s older and the police are involved or someone gets seriously hurt.

I agree. Members of staff can't be responsible for a teenager in another country who might get into a fight.

On my nephews secondary football trip to Spain, one of the boys stole some headphones from a shop and was arrested. One of the teachers had to stay behind in Spain whilst the rest of the people all went home.

Mischance · 09/03/2024 15:38

I would make your DS gradually pay you back the cost of the trip (or an agreed percentage) from his pocket money.

pinotnow · 09/03/2024 15:43

As a teacher, if I was the trip leader and SLT said to me 'X is still coming even though he was in a fight yesterday,' I would not be happy at all. Especially a residential trip over the weekend - giving up my free time for nothing to take someone away who has shown themselves to be volatile and violent? Even if they were provoked, that's a hard no from me. And if he were to be included, what message does that send to other students? If any other parents are aware of the incident, how would they feel about this boy still going on the trip the day after a fight? And why on earth should the school have to take the £300 from some budget or other? That is just not logical - if OP shouldn't be out of pocket (which she isn't - probably the opposite as there won't be any spending money needed now, not that that's a silver lining in the circumstances), school certainly shouldn't be.

Of course verbal abuse is totally unacceptable and the other boy will doubtless to sanctioned too, though OP won't receive details. But I don't think we've been told, and apologies if I've missed it, but has the son reported the comments/have they been going on for a while? Certainly in a secondary school, it can be very difficult for teachers to be aware of verbal bullying to deal with it if we are not told. Ultimately though, violence is not an acceptable response at all.

Silvers11 · 09/03/2024 15:44

To be honest @LondonElle even although it was very unacceptable behaviour and he does need Punished; given that he was being goaded and has been for a while by the same boy, I wouldn't be inclined to heap a lot more punishment on him except, possibly, making him to do chores to 'repay' some of the £300. The loss of the weekend and the day in isolation on Monday is probably punishment enough. Especially if nothing like this has happened before

I would also ask the school, without being defensive what is happening about the other boy? You can say that you absolutely agree with your son being punished but are they aware what has been going on. If they are, how can you and they help stop the goading/ nasty remarks and get things back to a more normal situation

I then would ask the school about a possible refund/partial refund of the £300. It's difficult to know whether any part of it was refundable ( say for meals etc). They can only say no. They certainly can't afford to be out of pocket if the full £300 wasn't refundable from wherever it was they were going, but it is worth asking

QuillBill · 09/03/2024 15:48

Well said @pinotnow .

I'm agog that you would think a school wouldn't be able to do this.

Like a child has some sort of right to go on a trip because the parents have already paid for it.

If he was in a fight in an airport the airline wouldn't fly him. If he was in a fight in a restaurant he would be booted out.

DragonFly98 · 09/03/2024 15:51

The school has to legally has to refund you.

NotMyPage · 09/03/2024 15:52

This must be gutting to you, especially that your son reacted like that and got into a fight. The trip is the least of your worries and school is 100% right to excluded him. It would be irresponsible to take him away as he has just demonstrated that he can't control himself. help him sort his behaviour out and hopefully school will let him go on future trips.

NuttyYouSayHmmmmmn · 09/03/2024 15:54

DragonFly98 · 09/03/2024 15:51

The school has to legally has to refund you.

Why?

NotMyPage · 09/03/2024 15:54

DragonFly98 · 09/03/2024 15:51

The school has to legally has to refund you.

They wouldn't typically reimburse, no.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 09/03/2024 15:54

DragonFly98 · 09/03/2024 15:51

The school has to legally has to refund you.

They really don't.

MrsMurphyIWish · 09/03/2024 15:55

DragonFly98 · 09/03/2024 15:51

The school has to legally has to refund you.

Why? It’s the OP’s son who broke the contract with his behaviour.

NotMyPage · 09/03/2024 15:57

I would make your DS gradually pay you back the cost of the trip (or an agreed percentage) from his pocket money.

And this! If you want a well turned out young man, do this. It could be your greatest act of love. It will teach him responsibility, that actions have consequences and that aggressive fighting type of behaviours comes at a great cost.

MagnoliaBrown · 09/03/2024 15:57

DragonFly98 · 09/03/2024 15:51

The school has to legally has to refund you.

Schools are businesses now, they will all have their own contracts.

NotMyPage · 09/03/2024 15:59

I would also ask the school, without being defensive what is happening about the other boy? You can say that you absolutely agree with your son being punished but are they aware what has been going on. If they are, how can you and they help stop the goading/ nasty remarks and get things back to a more normal situation

And this.

MetalFences · 09/03/2024 15:59

Viviennemary · 09/03/2024 14:56

The school are out of order and should repay the cost of the trip. Take them to the small claims court. It's cheeky.

Oh, here she is. 😂

NeedToChangeName · 09/03/2024 16:01

Viviennemary · 09/03/2024 14:56

The school are out of order and should repay the cost of the trip. Take them to the small claims court. It's cheeky.

Bonkers advice, sorry

SpringtimeBunny · 09/03/2024 16:03

They can’t keep the money and essentially charge you for a trip that never happened

MrsMurphyIWish · 09/03/2024 16:03

NeedToChangeName · 09/03/2024 16:01

Bonkers advice, sorry

Show quote history

Although I’m a member of the Mr P’s podcast group (for teachers) and someone sent a story in that the police turned up at their school to investigate a claim that a teacher had stolen their child’s PE kit so there are people out there who do follow bonkers advice.

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