To wonder if schools can do this!

[LondonElle]

My 12 year old son was due to go on a sports trip on Friday for the weekend.
We had paid in full for this (over £300.)

He stupidly got involved in a fight the day of the trip ( out of character ) after another boy called him names.

No excuses he was in the wrong and will be punished severely...

I am not minimising what he did.. he was an absolute idiot.

The school pulled the trip which has led to us being out of pocket and he is in isolation on Monday.

I have mixed feeling about this as I'm not sure the school had much of a choice and couldn't fill his place at short notice but part of me thinks due to the bad press the school has recently received and the lack of pastoral support in his year group that an example may have been made of him ( which may be a good thing)

Do I have to suck it up and accept this... don't hold back.. I need cold hard truths!

Reduced Christmas presents @dapsnotplimsolls? for something he has done in March? Oh behave! It’s not the crime of the century - sounds like not going on the trip is punishment enough, especially if it hasn’t happened before and doesn’t happen again.

His parents are down £300 because of his actions. There should be some kind of paying back.

ill buck the trend. I think for a one off with another child involved not having the same sanction that it is unreasonable. Fair enough if this wasn’t his first infraction and if it had been one sided. But not allowing him on the trip when both boys were fighting, after the other child goaded him is unfair I feel.

I disagree with most of the points on here.

he was being bullied and finally snapped. He is being punished by the school and for you because he stuck up for himself. This is showing that he if defends himself or sticks up for himself he will be in trouble. You may make him a pushover.

As someone who witnessed how hard my sister had it until she snapped and beat up her bully I think good on him.

You said it’s out of character for him. He clearly had enough and isn’t just going round beating random people up.

stick up for your son. You can explain that yea he went too far but you understand why he did what he did.

The school won’t pay you back but I’d make it very clear to your son that he is going to pay back every penny & will do extra chores & will be grounded until it’s paid.
i would also be contacting the school Monday to express to them that I feel their attitude towards him was over the top as the other child (presumably) didn’t get the same level of punishment yet both were guilty if the same crime & therefore should have had equal punishments.

I wouldn't want to take a kid who's just hit another kid on a trip.

This is standard practise, sadly as close to the date yes could be you’re out of pocket. Schools have to set a precedent even if sadly it’s out of character, or it would be one rule for one.
I would be annoyed deep down - at everyone as has cost you a lot of money, it could be a good learning curve (I hope) for your son. However being goaded will be difficult for him I’m sure if the other lad isn’t going on the trip so he’s not lost out.

wishing strength and peace for your son.

If you really are a teacher then you'll be aware that parents are usually biased towards their own children and the report that this child is usually very well behaved and it was all the other kids fault is almost definitely not quite how the school sees the situation.

I did not say it was all the other child's fault.. I stated the facts.
I made it clear that I think my son was an idiot.
His behaviour up until this point has been good and I have accepted that the school did the only thing they could do. It was just a bit of a shock.

The other child isn't on the trip.

OP told us that.

The school were right but I just want to say I really feel for your DS. Don't know what trip it was but if that was me at that age, I'd be so disappointed and sad.

It sounds like this has been building for ages and I expect he will feel a victim as much as he feels an out-of-line aggressor. It's so easy to snap with this kind of teasing; while I agree he needs to learn his lesson, his post-aggression low could be quite significant with the loss of the trip compounding it.

I'd push for some support from the school with regards this other boy. Names scratch away at your self-esteem and then before you know it, you're bleeding quite a lot from many small wounds. It's not OK.

I don't agree. A natural consequence of being unable to regulate your own behaviour is that others will want to distance themselves from that behaviour, and that they will not volunteer to be responsible for that behaviour when they don't have to be.

Getting hurt might be one natural consequence but it certainly isn't the only one.

It’s harsh, for you and him and I know how you feel. My daughter in y11 got into trouble and was suspended for 1 day, the first time she had ever been suspended, and the rules were a suspension in y11 means no prom. So she couldn’t go to her prom, and I had already paid for her dress which was £280. 😔 I cried, she cried. We argued but it’s a lesson learnt to her, a harsh one yes but it will probably help her in life down the line.

It’s really unfortunate timing. If he’d done this next week, your DS would have already been on the trip. Because of the timing, he has ended up receiving a greater punishment.
If I was him, I’d feel a sense of great injustice about this. But at least he’ll never do it again.

He chose to respond to goading with violence.

Complete over reaction and inappropriate from the school.
Punishments should fit the crime, discipline should effect just the boys especially for one offs.
The op paid for a trip, in fact technically the op as subsided the trip for the other pupils.
The school has definitely over stepped.
Appallingly inappropriate.

How has the OP subsidised the trip for other pupils?

You don’t need to justify yourself @LondonElle . I think your reaction - and your question that started this thread - is totally natural; you’re both disappointed with and for your child. MN is a strange place on these kinds of threads; people seem to want to lynch each other rather than support.

The school my dc attend have a zero tolerance policy with fights. School trips they are warned in advance that any fights/accumulation of behaviour points and they will be pulled of the trip and no refunds.

"If you really are a teacher..."?!?!?

Huh?!?!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The money was paid in exchange for a person to go on the trip.
They didn't go.
They should refund the parent.
Punish the children.
Banishment is tantamount to stealing the money. What school has done is technically fined the parent.
Ethically it's the incorrect punishment. Legally they must surely be on shaky ground.

Schools have to make the final payment for trips before they actually go. One pupil not going makes no difference. The school can try to get the money back from the company but they'll probably say nope.

I work in a secondary school and actually feel for your son - and you! - on this.
If it genuinely was out of character for him, and he is normally well-behaved (only you know the truth about this), then I think it's harsh.
And I say that as someone who comes down on the school's side 95% of the time!

Refund what?

The seat on the coach they didn’t use? (Impossible as they have to pay for the whole coach regardless)
Staffing?
(impossible as staff aren’t paid for residential)
Tickets for events?
(impossible as non-refundable)
Food?
(Potentially, if not prebooked)

Do people actually think schools are running trips on a profit, or pocketing the money from those who can’t go? Clue: they’re not

So if you were on a flight before take off, got into a fight and were escorted off the plane - do you think you could get a refund?