Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

Has he been at work all week? This is commitment he’s made, unpaid sure but it’s still a commitment. Can you get an early night tonight and if DS wakes DH can tend to him?

yabu op in the kindest way possible why on earth did you not take him to hospital?! You must know the over 39 rule?!

He was off Wednesday Thursday but didn't offer to help once. He slept fine in spare room. He's at work til 12 so ds will be in with me again so it'll be the same again tonight

He's presumably made a commitment to being a decent husband and parent too, which kinda trumps football?
YANBU OP.

What over 39 rule? Tht applies to 3-6 month babies, guidance is to see a GP or call 111 isn’t it?

her son is 4.

I would be looking at ringing 111 if your little one has been poorly with high temp since Tuesday. As I wife whose DH ran football teams over several years, I’m afraid I just got on with looking after DS’s myself, although he would take over if I was ill.

The 39 rule is under 6 months. Her child is 4 so neither helpful nor kind to make such a comment.

YANBU OP. Surely the men could take care of themselves for one session.

No it doesn’t actually it applies to any under the age of 6 putting them at risk of convulsions.

So where is this “rule”? And what does it say?

because it’s not a NHS guide.

My understanding is it's the speed of the temp increase that's the danger not the actual temp until it gets over 41/42? I've kept a very close eye on him and he's still doing his normal activities just full of cold. He's had a few temps over 40 in his time with viruses so it's just how his body reacts.

There's a desperate mum here folks, let's show her some compassion, eh?

I'd be furious with him. Is he always this shit?

And perhaps dc does need to see a doctor @Whatevenishapprning

Hope he's on the mend soon and you get some rest real soon too.

My dd used to hit that temp all the time and GP’s were not concerned unless it did not come down with meds. Or if it stayed that high for a number of days which would indicate the need for a review to check for bacterial infections.

@AlwaysFreezing that’s what I’m trying to do…. People popping up and saying doesn’t she know she should have taken him
to hospital aren’t helpful, talking about “rules” aren’t helping and I just wanted to correct that misinformation.

sorry, but I really don't see why your partner has to miss football just because your son has a cold.

40 is a fairly standard temp in my experience and we never went to hospital…

OP I think it depends on what level the amateur football team is, as some are more professional than others (if that’s not an oxymoron). Is it more of a job or a hobby

I voted YABU but changed my vote when I read he'd been off for 2 days this week and still hadn't helped out at all

Why didn’t you ask him to help on Wednesday or Thursday when he was off work and presumable had no commitments?

I’m not saying you should HAVE to ask BTW, he should have done his share off his own back as I’d expect any decent partner and father to do, but it does sound a little bit like you just don’t want him to go football.

This is the bit that's the problem, not the football today. If he'd been any use when he was available then you wouldn't be so shattered today

It's not because he has a cold, it's because I've had no sleep for 4 nights now and I'm really feeling it. When I stood up it felt like the room moved with me. That's not normal for me. I asked him nicely and he just shut me down and walked off. It didn't matter what I said to him, his only response was, I'm going.

I don't understand why you two didn't share the load from the start?

It's a bit off to only raise his lack of input now and want him to use the presumably little time he has to do this hobby?

Think ahead next time and make sure he is pulling his weight from day 1 of the next health issue

I asked for help but he refused because apparently I can cope better with less sleep than him

Some of you really expect absolutely NOTHING from men do you?
Yanbu OP. He should have helped during the week and he should have cancelled football so you could rest. I wouldn't bother with this thread though. You are just going to get tons of people with very low standards asking what he could have done, saying you just have it in for his football blah blah.
Fucking hell lol.
Edited to say... really don't bother with this thread OP.

Have you been at work all week too?

Recent studies indicate that women actually need more sleep than men.

Echo this. In isolation the football isn’t a problem… the other two days - on his days off - is.