Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

@Babsexxx febrile convulsions aren't the end of the world, they are just scary for parents.

I think it's the fact you have had broken sleep OP, DS is 10 now but I would have given paracetamol and brufen spaced out but left them in their own room. Only once have I slept on his bedroom floor and that was more I feel asleep before him!!

If DS had been up all night won't he nap or go to bed early? If so do the same, if not put some TV on and snooze on the sofa with him.

Burst his balls op. Figuratively, literally up to you.
its 2024 and he’s a father, he needs to take childcare responsibilities on too, otherwise what does it teach your children? It teacher them to perpetuate these outdated stereotypes and the practice goes on for another generation.

Ask what’s more important to him. His hobby or his family because that’s what it’s boiling down to here. Believe his response which will be in actions not words.

I think this is a far far bigger issue than the football this morning! Why have you been doing everything up to this point? Why is it only you that has lost sleep?

I've missed so much stuff because my kids were ill, in this situation I'd say the good of the team (i.e. your family) was more important than any external commitment.

He sounds really selfish and self absorbed. I am sorry he didn't step up to support you or look after his child. Now you know he doesn't care you will need to evaluate what you want going forward. Do you have any other family support?
I remember that feeling of being so tired everything seemed to be swaying. Like being on a boat. Will DS nap at all do you think? Maybe you could both have a sleep while DH is out.

Every child under 6 requiring a medical professional every time their temp goes over 39 would require one hell of a lot of medical professionals. Use your common sense a bit.

He's the manager, so cancelling on the day simply can't be done lightly. It's an emergencies only thing.

Not helping you on his days off is the real issue that you have.

Agreed.

It's very "I put up with a shit husband who prioritised football, so everyone else should as well"

@Babsexxx it’s thought that it’s the speed that the temperature goes up, not the high temperature that causes a convulsion. A child can be ill with a lower temperature.

One of mine has temps of 39 when he’s ill. I don’t get him seen because of how high his temperature is but if other indicators concern me.

Got side tracked by the poster detailing rules...

To the op..your husband is quite clearly, a selfish horror. Do with that what you will.

If he had helped over the past 3 days and not left you at the point of exhaustion, he may have been able to fulfil his commitment this morning. He hasn’t helped, so he should cancel.

I can’t imagine a man that doesn’t look after his child when he’s off work to let his tired partner sleep, and has had such a bad attitude about it is a great partner and dad the rest of the time.

Lef him fuck off for the day but I wouldn’t be staying with such an uncaring arsehole. Once your child is better, I’d be making plans to leave. Men who act like this don’t change.

YANBU

He is being extremely selfish.

I'm not normally one to say break commitments. But right now you need a few hours of good unbroken sleep.

He should stay home and take over while you get some rest. He also should have taken over on at least one of his days off. He has a commitment to you and your child/ren too.

Ds was off school on Wednesday so I did try to have a nap but gave up because ds just wanted me he kept coming upstairs every 5mins, dh didn't play with him to keep him occupied just kept shouting for him to come back down. I haven't been a martyr, I've tried to look after ds and me the last few days but it's just accumulated to this.

Your DH sounds so completely lacking in empathy for you or his children. I just can’t get my head around the fact that so many women on here are living with such selfish men. Where is the commitment to creating a family and being there for the people who really matter?

My father was like this and I watched my mother spend years being deeply unhappy. That was in the 1960s! Out doing his hobby when not working. A miserable life for her. My family and friends are much more equal kind and fair to each other. It is 2024 for goodness sake.

OP you need to somehow get through today so can you reach out to a member of family or friend to come and sit with children while you sleep? Look after yourself as much as possible and let other things like house go for now,

When you are rested and DS better you need a huge conversation with your DH to change the balance of work, family, home hours and make it fair and shared properly. Would 50/50 work for you? Then you will both have a much better grasp of the demands you each face and pull together more. It is massively unfair and oppressive for you at the moment. He is acting like a singleton.

Mmm, do people coming out with that not realise that they're actually providing an example of how not to do it?

Why didn’t you get much sleep all those days? I’m sure your husband naturally took his turn to look after his ill child in the night, like a decent dad and husband should do?

Doctor. Not true in any way

If he didn't even support you on his days off and now he's buggered off to football, knowing he has work later too and he reckons you manage better on little sleep than he does then I think you've got a bigger problem than him kicking a ball around with some mates.
I'd hazard a guess that he's pretty shit full stop.
I hope your little one feels better soon and you get some rest

@Vod is it tho? I'm a 90's baby we didn't get pandered to like kids now which is the bigger issue. I think I had maybe one or two sick days throughout school we were given Calpol and sent to get on with it.

Me and DH are a team but neither would miss activities/nights out etc to look after DS with a cold if the other parent was in the house (including ill). It would be an enjoy football before you go, can you run to the shop and grab me a couple of cans of red bull or make a large coffee.

It would be a duvet day, tea and likely lunch would be a just eat and the house would get gutted next week once it was all over. We also worked night shifts I've seen one of us get in at 9am sleep to 12:30 get up to watch DS whilst the other one goes out.....red bull fuelled it fine.

Yes, it is.

You're actually describing a much more equal setup than the poster who provided the example of doing it wrong. She looked after DS while her husband did his hobby, unless she was ill herself. You, on the other hand, are a team and you both take your share. If anything you're proving my point.

Also, you're saying you think the threshold for keeping DC off school should be higher (though I must say as a 90s schoolkid my recollections of that period are quite different to yours, kids were off all the time!) But this is a 4 year old who's vomited on multiple occasions, so his school or childcare provision aren't going to have him in anyway. It's not relevant here.

YANBU OP. He's an absolute shit.

Your DH sounds like a cunt. If he'd pulled his weight earlier you wouldn't be asking now. I would be rethinking my marriage at this point.

Do you have family or friends anywhere local you could go with your son and get some rest?

111 is useless. They triage and then stick you on waiting list for call back from a medically qualified person. The thing to do is see a GP if temp doesn’t decrease with meds (paracetamol) and it has been 3-4 days.

111 will offer the same but with a longer wait time. I just go private now as the NHS is in the gutter, even serious cases don’t get seen as soon as they should.

You're being dramatic.

You can snooze, rest, lounge whatever at home. I've got 3 children and know what it's like when they're unwell. You only have 1 child to look after.

You're being hard work.