Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

Again, very dramatic.

You didn't have to keep going upstairs.
While your DS has undoubtedly been unwell, and that isn't easy. Your subscription to martyrdom has led a lot of your thinking here.

It's not that deep.

YABU.

He should be helping out when he can. But he has made this voluntary commitment and needs to turn up. I agree it sounds as if you are resentful he is going to football.

What's your DH's work schedule?

I'm assuming you weren't working on the days your were home with your son?

If ds is ill I'd stick the tv on for him and doze on the sofa until you feel more like yourself. As a single parent I've done that numerous times.

Is your mum close by, or a friend? I'd be waking him up at 8am say here's the kid, I'm out all day and pick up the keys and go somewhere to sleep. I'd go back when I was good and ready and let him deal with it.

Considering her husband thinks football comes before his sick child and exhausted wife, I’d suggest there are two children in this household. I genuinely cannot believe that so many women on here are beating the op for not ‘cracking on’ like parenting is solely her job. It’s her husbands turn to sacrifice, football isn’t a necessity so he has to miss it this week for family commitments. Oh well, tough shit innit.

That’s for a baby 6 months and under. Her son is 4yrs old. Chill out.

I'm sorry but is choosing to be a father classed as a 'voluntary commitment'? Or was his job done the minute he impregnated the OP? 🤔 don't want anyone to actually answer that, I'm scared about what the replies might be.
How on earth is football training more important than supporting his wife who is on her knees?
Non of this matters a jot because he is just another man who lives his best life on the back of a woman. He won't change.

YANBU at all OP. Hobbies come second to sick kids and exhausted spouses.

As for the idea of seeking medical attention for a temp of 39. We've managed umpteen temps of 40 at home, only once did we need to consider getting her seen but fortunately the second ibuprofen dose brought it down.

I wasn't going upstairs, I was in bed trying to nap. DH thought it was ok to let DS keep coming up and down every 5 minutes so after 90 mins of realising I wasn't going to actually get a nap I gave up

Obviously because op has been taking care
of their son 24/7 and her husband is being a selfish wee prick. Did you even read the post?

I think the op is resentful that there are two parents in the house yet only one of them has lost sleep/put in extra parenting over the last few days. And probably resentful that the other parent can walk out of the house for their super important Man Hobby without a care in the world for the impact on the people he’s meant to put first unless no other option. Unless he is actually Salah of the local kick about club and without him they’ll never make the big leagues, the football is completely droppable for one week.

As usual another post where the struggling woman is in the wrong and her poor husband must have his precious football.

I’m laughing out loud at the poster who said he should go to football because it’s a ‘commitment’. I can’t possibly think of another commitment he might have?? Anyone??

You’re not wrong, OP. Your husband has refused to put the work in helping in care for his child all week and today he is refusing to care for either him or you. He parents when it suits him and he puts you first when it suits him, does that sound about right?

Agree

I can only imagine his reaction if OP had gotten up this morning and said she was going out to pursue a hobby and he, as a parent, could sort out his children for once.

Make that hobby sleep, OP. In a cheap hotel, room somewhere, car... but leave the house and get some sleep and leave him to it when he gets home. And when you've gotten some rest, you need to have a sit down discussion to re-divide the division of labour in your home.

You're not BU OP. If he'd been doing his bit as a Dad all week, that would be different but he hasn't and you're knackered. You need to make it very clear that tommorow is for you to sleep uninterrupted. But in all honesty your husband sounds like a loser. I wouldn't want that example for my DC.

One thing I was told by a paramedic when my son had a febrile convulsion was that in order to get the temperature down quickly strip off all clothes get a bowl of cold water and a sponge and apply the sponge to the back of the neck. It works wonders

I have 2 children. If I'm being hard work it's because I'm absolutely exhausted. I don't think many people would be at their best after the week I've had. I work and also volunteer. DS has SEN so it's constantly harder than most but much worse when poorly. When he's tired he can lash out. Yesterday I had my hair pulled out, was hit countless times and he tried to push me into a road when we had to go collect second DC from school. Obviously he's 4 but he can still hurt me.

Jesus wept, some of the comments on here! You’ve got to wonder why so many men invest so much time in hating women and being misogynistic pricks when there’s so many women willing to take over the job for them.

Op it sounds like your partner has a pattern of being selfish and not contributing much in terms of parenting and it’s understandable that now when you’re sleep deprived that feels even harder to bear. In the short term is there any support you could seek today. Perhaps family that could help while you sleep for a few hours? When your little one is better you can then take time to reflect on how you start to address the imbalance in your relationship, or if you even want to at this point.

Women actually need more sleep than men. Women also need twice as much iron so the whole bigger potions for men, especially meat, is also just selfish man bullshit.

Women are just better at putting other people first.

If he can go out to enjoy himself when his child is poorly and his wife is exhausted begging for help. He's a worthless excuse of a person.

There are decent men out there, my DP would never see me struggle like that, my ex loved watching me suffer, but dp will choose my health and rest over his any day. He's currently out at the park with a grumpy toddler, feeling worse for wear himself after a stomach bug has ravaged out house, becuase I'm still feeling it and he cares about me and his baby I'm carrying.

You deserve better than this selfish man. And you handled your child's illness perfectly, we have alot of dealing with hospital because DS is prone to febrile seizures, even they wouldn't have suggested a trip to hospital in your circumstances.

Work is a formal commitment that people have but need to give up to look after a poorly child. He also has a commitment to his wife and child and has completely failed to do the bare minimum.

It's also a men's football team, grown ups. They could absolutely manage it without him for a day.

@Whatevenishapprning I think YABU for the football. He has a commitment as the manager and probably the whole training today would need to be cancelled if he doesn't go - or if it is a match today, that would be worse

YANBU to need some sleep, and he should have been helping on his days off. I know you tried to have a doze and your husband didn't stop your child coming up to disturb you, so I agree that he is being very selfish. The only thing I would say though, is how much did you insist he take at least one of the night shifts and how much did you accept it? If you really pushed it and he refused, then he is a c**t and you have a BIG DH problem. If you didn't, you need to spell it out to him and be much more assertive. It shouldn't be the case that you have to insist, but some men don't see what is in front of their face until it is spelled out to them and they need to learn. Not excusing them at all, but some are more thoughtless rather than selfish and frank conversations can work with them. Not sure what your situation is exactly

I hope your child is better soon. If your child is being sick when coughing by Monday, I would call 111 - I believe whooping cough is on the rise just now, but hopefully it's not that

Let me guess...

HIS priorities:

1. Himself
2. Football
3. Work

Your priorities:

1. Your DC
2. DH
3. Housework/PT work

I presume you and dc do appear on his list, but probably not the top 3, right?

Typical selfish arsehole. He won't change. He thinks he can say 'no' to his duties as husband and father whenever he likes because you aren't that important.

he is a prick

’you cope better with less sleep than me’

cunt

I think YABU for the football. He has a commitment as the manager and probably the whole training today would need to be cancelled if he doesn't go - or if it is a match today, that would be worse

I cannot get over how many people here are talking about ‘football commitment’ like this grown man is a 12 year old boy flaking for his Xbox.

Id also love to be a fly on the wall in family court if the OP ever split from her husband. Her ex stood with his most serious face saying he cannot take the children on Saturdays due to his very very important need to kick about a ball with Middle-Aged Utd which is a more serious commitment than raising and caring for his own children…

I don't know what "service" is your "DH" expecting, OP, however, you should be able to parent on you own.
I understand it's hard.
What if there was absolutely no other choice? 🙂