Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

Your husband is being really selfish. Hes putting football over helping his wife being able to get some decent sleep! Tell him to not go to football and to takeover looking after your son tonight so you can have a good nights sleep in tbe spare bed.

What is the point of him missing football though when all the OPs posts say how rubbish he has been this week . He also apparently is due at work at 12 so all this angst over him being around for 3/4 hours this morning probably being as useless as he’s been the rest of the week . Women need to be more selective about who they have children with .

He is 50% responsible for bringing the child into the world so 50% responsible for parenting him. You work less hours, however, you should both get equal amounts of time to yourselves. Him volunteering at a football club is for his benefit only. He enjoys it. He gets self worth from it. He is putting that before you and his child. You should get the same amount of time to develop your hobby. His is Sat morning. Yours is now Sunday morning. You are now volunteering at a food bank. Leave at 9, take the car and go somewhere beautiful, have a coffee, read a magazine, arrive back at the same time he would on a Sat. See how he likes it.

Being at home looking after children and maintaining the house isn’t time off, it’s unpaid and unseen work. Hard work.

He sounds awful. Sorry OP. And shame on the people excusing him on this thread. Raise your standards.

Bloody hell, the levels of misogyny on this thread are breathtaking! I hope all you women on here who are telling OP that she needs to suck it up, that football is a commitment, or otherwise excusing your DH didn't have the audacity to be posting nonsense about 'loving strong women' on social media yesterday, because you are all an absolute disgrace and quite frankly part of the problem that International Womens Days exists to address.

OP - you are not being unreasonable. Your husband is being a waste of space. He should have taken over on his days off this week so you could rest, and he should have arranged cover for the football today so he could stay home and you could rest. When he gets home today hand over the kids and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not to be disturbed. Spell it out to him that you can't sleep if DS keeps coming up the stairs. I'd tell him he needs to take over until 10am tomorrow morning, but I get the feeling that you won't want to be separated from DS so set your own timings, but make sure they involve a long lie for you tomorrow. If he can't deliver on that then leave and go and stay with your mum, a friend, check in to a hotel anywhere that you can get peace and quiet to catch up on sleep this afternoon.

good god the slavish deference to men and their hobbies here never ceases to astound me.

Yes, she's missed out on hours upon hours of sleep with her feverish, vomiting child, but god forbid a man should miss his hobby to prioritise the wellbeing of his family.

Football twat.

PoisonMaple

Poison by name…

Calling the OP hard work is totally out of order.

But there is another choice, he isn’t irreplaceable and yes even premier league managers sometimes have to pass control over to others. He could have easily stayed behind without any impact, he could have stepped in when he was off work. He didn’t thau tells me all I need to know about his priorites

You're absolutely right, and her DH should be able to parent on his own while she checks into a hotel for the weekend. I understand it's hard, but what if there was absolutely no other choice? 🙂

Lots of telly time and a sneaky doze was how I got through days like that.
(And a divorce made life easier long term)

Well, you know now what your husband priorities are; he doesn’t seem very supportive. I hope your little gets well soon. Any family or friend who could keep an eye while you sleep?

DH stopped his hobby when kids were little. I can’t cope with lack of sleep either.

She’s not asking him to miss football for THEIR sons cold. She is asking because she is exhausted. Having spent several nights looking after THEIR poorly child while her partner no doubt slept.

So many people on here really don’t see the need for a father to parent!

He refused to cancel because he had equipment and picks up two other men from the train station so he said he couldn't let them down. He did offer to pick up the men and drop off the equipment but that would be a 90 minute round trip so pointless because he'd be leaving for work at 12.
In my mind it wouldn't be too hard for someone else to just pick up the equipment and the other men as a one off. His parting shot out the door was he didn't want to hear from me for the rest of the day.
I just really needed sleep, not a broken hour, but a solid 3 or 4 hours. I appreciate the kindness that most of you've shown

Remind me......what is the worst possible outcome if a game goes unplayed?

I was going to say you are being unreasonable as you should have asked for help when he was off work. Then I saw this post.

Yep on this occasion he has been a shit husband and a shit dad. If this is typical of him then he is awful.

If it wasn't too late I would have said pick up your handbag and leave for the day. He could cancel his activity or take the kids with him but might make him think. As that ship has sailed I would say travel lodge/premier inn for you tonight (or somewhere more swanky if funds allow/relative or friends house if funds don't allow). Tell him to make sure the kids have a nice tea/bath bed routine. You are off. Make sure you go for the breakfast buffet and the check out time is usually 12 - although you can book late checkout cheaply. Enjoy.

Wow, some of the comments from pp. RAISE YOUR STANDARDS, FFS. Any woman with a modicum of self respect would know that the OP's husband is being completely unreasonable.

He's supposed to be part of a team with his wife. He's supposed to step up when she's struggling. He's supposed to care, protect and provide. Instead he does fuck all, and treats his wife with contempt. And some of you think she's the one at fault? Unbelievable.

His parting shot out the door was he didn't want to hear from me for the rest of the day.

Please re-assess how much you do for this prick. If you’re cooking for him or washing his clothes stop immediately.

You cope better with less sleep than him, he says? Ffs. What a total twat. Next time he comes out with some absolute garbage like that, tell him to prove it. Otherwise it's just an extremely convenient (for him) belief. He is selfish and useless by the sounds of it.

If you had both been pulling your weight all week I would say he probably had the right to go to football this morning (and give you Sunday morning off in an equivalent manner).

But he has created a situation where you have carried the load all week. In fact I'd wager for ...the whole of your marriage. The football thing is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Time to put your foot down OP and decide if this man is really a partner. The definition of a partnership is that you share in the upsides AND the downsides of a given set-up. It doesn't sound like he's a partner to me.

"His parting shot out the door was he didn't want to hear from me for the rest of the day."

Confirmed he is awful. I deleted what I called him originally but it started with dick and ended in head.

2 nights at the travel lodge then LTB. At least you will get a rest every other weekend then - unless he decides he can't have the kids cuz football. What an awful man.

He's a bully. His behaviour would have me seriously reconsidering our relationship.

Who the fuck does he think he is.

If my DH spoke to me like that, I would be done. WTF?

I’d be really tempted to text him saying that you’re in hospital with child and thought he’d like to know, even though that breaks the no contact instruction.

seriously though, hope you and DS are ok.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and I think he's doing this to you and your son to pay for Mother's Day tomorrow. He's going to make very heavy work of Sunday, if he does anything at all. I'm also guessing that you probably won't see him before the evening time today.

Your DH sounds like someone I wouldn't want to remain married to if I could help it. I mean if you had to share custody of the children, he'd have to accommodate their weekends and ditch some of his sporting activities to do that. On nights when he'd have them overnight, he couldn't simply leave the kids unattended, he'd have to step up.

@Whatevenishapprning , I'm just wondering if he had ever done a middle of the night feed or were you feeding the kids yourself when they were babies? Has he had to do any real parenting or does he only get to do the nice stuff because you step in and deal with the kids. I'm just wondering what would happen if he were to return home at 4pm today and you head out straight away. Even if it is to drive the car to somewhere and have a sleep in the car or book into a hotel and get those necessary hours of sleep? He would HAVE to step up.