Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

Why are you with someone who is so unkind, op? Don't you think you deserve better?

He didn't used to be like this. I think I'm trapped by the good memories. It's like the frog in the boiling pot scenario.

Last night was a much better night, once ds fell asleep his coughing stopped mostly. Probably had 6/7 hours across the night so I don't feel exhausted like yesterday. I'd bought a gift bag for my mum a few days ago, dd and ds have been downstairs filling it with pictures and random things they know I like and then brought it to me. They're such sweethearts.

Did he come home last night? If not, did he warn you he would be out all night?

I really hope he’s pulling it out of the bag today.

Well he ignored me, so after making breakfast for the kids I went back to bed and just rested for a couple if hours, then had a nice long shower.

He's still not talking now, acting like he's the one that's been done wrong to. He's back to work in an hour so that's something.

I was reading the other thread about professions you wouldn't date, he started one of them about 5 years ago. Eye opening. I never knew it had such bad rep.

Wow he is such a child. You deserve so much better than this. I would be seriously considering getting my ducks in a row. He isn’t changing.

Police? If so explains so much.
💐Happy Mother’s Day, to you Op & all the other mums on this thread. Enjoy your day.

She was looking after their ill son but should have been telling her husband what to do too?

EDIT ‘Can’t trouble the poor man and his hobby’…actually this is sarcasm isn’t it! Sorry misread your post as supporting the dad’s behaviour!

He’s a selfish shit. I rarely say this but you should absolutely LTB.
I am glad you got some sleep and I hope you get to do something nice with your children today. You deserve it.

Yeah. He knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on, that there's nothing he can say to justify his actions throughout the week, so he's going to gaslight and punish you instead because he's not the kind to apologise or admit fault?

Maybe this week, even though it's been grim, might turn out to be a blessing in disguise in the form of a wake up call?

Wait, did @Babsexxx claim to be a GP? And she was the one pushing for the non existent 39 rule? It’s really worrying that people can provide such wrong medical advice on MN and then lie and claim they’re a GP.

I would make a plan OP, you don't have to make a definite decision to exit this relationship but make a plan anyway so that you have something to guide you if you do make that decision. Think everything through, gather all the information you need, etc.
Better to have things worked out now just in case you need them, then have to do it when you're stressed and panicked if things get worse and you don't feel you can cope anymore.

Yes it was an interesting little detour wasn't it. Giving the benefit of the doubt maybe she got 6 months and 6 years mixed up. But the pretending to be a gp is pretty shocking.

I really do appreciate all the kind and helpful advice. I feel angry but calm, like I'm seeing him for his actions rather than what I want him to be. Ds's senco keeps telling me to apply for dla for him when I see her so that's going to be my first step. If he gets it, then that top up alongside some universal credit I'd be entitled to would keep us going without him. I just don't understand how he can be so cold and selfish.

'I just don't understand how he can be so cold and selfish.'

If it's the police force op, there seems to be an ingrained misogynistic culture that they all egg each other on. The problem is, he won't change now. Why would he? This life sees you doing all the hard work whilst he does what he wants.

Honestly it gets worse. So he was sitting on the sofa a nap saying to dd he was going to sleep all day tomorrow. I took the bait and said absolutely not, we have an inspection on Wednesday and tomorrow's the only time we have to do a proper deep clean. He just said he is and scoffed. I asked if he could see the irony, and he said he's tired and needs sleep so he will be sleeping.
He then said he's going to book into a hotel on Tuesday night. He's driving 300 miles for a football match and doesn't want to drive all the way back. Normally I'd think this is a sensible idea, but it's nearly our payday on the 15th so we're not flush. Just the audacity.
I don't understand what I've done to deserve this contempt. Sorry for the ranting. I've got no one to share this with and I'm so, so angry at him.

Op, why are you still with him?

You have done nothing to deserve this.
Nothing. He is a cunt.
Your last post actually took my breath away at the nastiness of it.
Hes an awful man.

He is taunting you. He doesn’t believe you will end the relationship. Quietly make your plans and leave. You deserve so much better.

"If you book into a hotel on Tuesday night, you'd need to book into one on Wednesday as well. And Thursday. And until you can find yourself somewhere else to live."

I don't know, but I don't want to be anymore. Thank you for your replies

He's tested you this week and he's feeling powerful over you, OP, and flexing his muscles further.

I'm so so sorry you're in this position.

and you have had 2 children with this person ?!!!

while he is away overnight due to the very important football match !!! you can start to put your ducks in a row.

what is this inspection ? is it a rental you live in ?
if so at least there isn't a house to sell, and maybe you can afford to stay in it yourself ?
and he can move out !!!!!

work out how much he will need to pay in CMS
work out how much you will get on UC
find out about the divorce etc.

HE's tired?

The contempt, the absolute contempt for you is stunning, OP.

I would be getting my affairs in order as quickly as possible and showing him the door.

That's great op. That's the first step. Often the hardest.