Or dh expecting normal service

[Whatevenishapprning]

Ds 4 spiked a 40.4° fever out of nowhere on Tuesday night. I gave him calpol and ibuprofen over the course of an hour but it took til 1.30am for it to start to come down. Little sleep for either of us because he was tossing and turning, obviously uncomfortable for the rest of the night as it was still high 38.
Wednesday night I slept with him to keep an eye and he was OK, but he wriggles alot and isnt great to sleep next to. Thursday night fevers back so another Tuesday night. Last night was the worst, he's got a horrible cough now it's making him gag so he's vomitted 4 times overnight.

This morning dh has football. He's the manager of an amateur men's team. I asked him before 7 to cancel or get someone to come get the equipment. He's point blank refusing and says he is going.

Aibu? I've honestly had 12 hours sleep over the last 4 nights. I'm so tired I feel light headed and he's not showing any consideration. I don't know if I'm not thinking straight because of it. He is leaving before 9 which means I have an hour to sleep. Except I'm so angry at his disregard I'll probably get none. He has backshift later so means I'll be parenting all day and no chance of rest.

It's impossible looking after kids and working so he should give you a break!

As I wife whose DH ran football teams over several years, I’m afraid I just got on with looking after DS’s myself, although he would take over if I was ill.

Ye gods. I loathe this ‘in my day we just got on with it’ attitude. Just because you were a martyr doesn’t mean women should all be.

I work part time around him so not as much work but have full responsibility for kids and house.

Let him play his football this morning then you can have a sleep this afternoon and he can do poorly child duty.

If he refuses I suggest you show him where the door is and tell him not to come back until he is interested in behaviour like a parent.

How is this helpful?

Bludy hell I’d be worried I’ve always been told anything over 39 needs medical attention to rule out infection/more serious issues/risk of convulsions.

I would have got him to help during the week when he was off work, rather than ask him to
cancel something he’s committed to. Asking him to do that makes you look very slightly unreasonable but in the main he seems like a selfish prick. Remember next time don’t burn yourself out, make him do his fair share from the start.

Ah so he does fuck all bar work snd hobbies anyway? Well, you picked him. This is who he is so I suggest you just get on with it.
Want more for yourself.

He sounds selfish and uncaring. I would think about going to parents for real help if you can while he is ill. If your husband is like this all the time I would also have a think while there.

This! Honestly this place, some people just seem to log on every day just to put the boot in.

Bloody hell, no wonder a&e is always rammed 🙄. A fever of 40 in itself is no reason to rush to hospital! Watch the child not the number!

OP has you dh always been so rubbish? Agree with pp that it's the not sharing the load during the week, particularly on his days off work that are the real issue, not the football.

The only time I’ve got medical advice for a temperature is when it hasn’t come down with paracetamol/ibuprofen, or when it has persisted for a number of days.

My ex had this approach, when he worked he couldn't be asked for help (even though I worked part time and looked after the home, pets and kids all on my own and on his days off he was too tired and got angry and nasty if I asked him to do anything but exactly what he wanted to do.
I left 3 years ago and life is easier and much better.
You aren't being unreasonable but you know that despite his neglect and gaslighting. He's had 2 full days off and a half day while you've had a sick child and still hasn't let you rest.
Do you have other family support? You aren't going to get the help you need from him.

Well I’ve always gone with advice from medical professionals who have always said anything over 39…..child under 6 needs to be seen! So I just follow medical advice and no not necessarily a&e but definitely a 111 call and appointment to minors to rule anything out lol yeah why focus on silly numbers when temps at 40 can cause convulsions 🥴.

The two days off and doing fuck all, plus the attitude of you being able to cope on no sleep while he can't, is much more of an issue than the football here.

No wonder you're exhausted op.

I hope little one gets better soon, and then you'll be in a clearer headspace to reasses what this Prince of a man actually brings to the table here.

If you've still got time, get dressed and go out for a coffee - a drive through Costa or mcdonalds will do. Just up and go, don't announce it. Take your phone.

He's been a fucking chauvinistic pig for his entire life for the last few days, he can bloody well handle the inconvenience that arises from his wife being upset at his continued dismissal of her basic needs and being exhausted.

My DS had a temp of 40.3 last night, he’s now sat on the sofa fine and dandy playing his switch. Monitoring them is necessary, no need to go straight to A&E.

Yeah, that’s pretty shitty.

I didn’t necessarily mean a&e but a call to 111 and a trip to out of hours or minors I would of done at that temp following medical advice! I don’t know if it’s different in areas but in my area anything over 39 needs checking out with a child under 6 to rule out infections anything more sinister convulsions ect.

All a medical professional will do to bring down a temperature in a child is to give paracetamol and ibuprofen, which can be done at home. If they don’t work, or there are other worrying symptoms, then yes it would be prudent call 111 or see an appropriate medical professional.

Does this apply to 4 year olds? I thought it was just babies but I’m rubbish at ‘the rules’ of kids. DS was 39.4 yesterday.

Apologies for quoting you @Babsexxx I can see others now discussing the same thing. Should have read further on….

That's a very dramatic response. Dd always went over 40, it was just her bodies way of dealing with illness. Never took her to hospital.

O I was always under the impression it was wise to get it checked out for a sign of infection sometimes requiring antibiotics….but I don’t know like I said in our particular area always advised children under 6 with a temp of 39+ need to see a medical professional.

Sounds like my ex op, he didn’t give a fuck. I eventually left him. Can you take your son into bed with you? Give him a book/pen/paper/tablet and just shut your eyes for a bit? You likely won’t sleep but it will give you some rest. YANBU but if he’s determined to go you need to find a way of getting through the day.