To ask adult child to go out as we've made plans?

[yourekiddingme]

We have decided to look for a bigger house with a view to maybe trying for another baby, it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market.
We have an adult ds living at home and haven't mentioned anything to him as it's early days and we don't know if it'll happen yet, the move or baby.
Someone is coming to view on Saturday and ds works Saturdays which is why we arranged for Saturday, unfortunately we did have to let this lady down last week as a work issue came up so she's coming this Saturday instead.
Ds has just announced that he's booked this Saturday off throwing a spanner in the works.

I can't mess this woman around again and I particularly don't want to explain our maybe plans to ds at this stage which would be awkward if she comes to view and he's home.
AIBU to tell him we've made plans around him being at work and it's inconvenient that he's now home and ask that if he's not working on Saturday he's not home?
I think I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so annoyed.

I can never understand how a parent can put their new partner before their child no matter the age of the child.

He does need to be. You've put his home on the market. Without telling him.

You can't like him very much.

If youre at the stage of viewers then isn't your house on Rightmove or something?

Surely the fact the house is actuality on the market its better hearing from you than someone who spots it online or in the estate agents. What if this viewer puts an offer in, its going to come as a hell of a shock to him that you've sold the house

Hes an adult & it's his home. I cant believe its even crossing your mind not to tell him.

I'd tell him you are getting the house evaluated as you want a larger house. He need not know the pregnancy plan att because as you say, that may not work out as you wish. You say that he will have a lot to say, are you afraid of him, is he violent?

Those thinking op must be over 40 / too old, one of my dearest friends had her first child when she was 15. Some girls at school were younger when they had theirs. Op could easily be late 30s!

Why put your house on the market if you’re so unsure? It sounds as though you will only actually sell if you get pregnant so why not get pregnant first and then put your house on the market?

Feeling sorry for the viewers who believe you actually want to sell. Why waste people’s time?

Apart from being completely unreasonable by not talking to your son about putting the house on the market and your moving plans, you are also being an absolute nob putting your house on the market if you aren't sure you definitely want to move.

How far along are you going to string any interested buyers, are you going to let them pay for a survey, solicitors fees, arrange a mortgage and then tell them you don't really want to move after all? Selling a home is not a game and you have no business marketing your property if you are not serious about selling.

This thread is unreal.

Or possibly not real!

What legal documents?

So when do you plan the 'surprise'- we are moving and trying for another kid. He's an adult, 23. You don't expect him to move out. Unless there is massive MH or neurodiversity you are being utterly ridiculous. And if you're planning on moving away too far from where he works for him to be able to commute, he should have plenty of time to make other arrangements.

That he has no legal claim on the property.

The OP has said her son would have a lot to say about it, ie selling the house and she presumably doesn't want to have those, possibly highly emotive, discussions with him if it's just an idea at the moment.

However OP I think you should at least tell him you're exploring ideas if you're having viewings.

This is beyond strange. Im 38 with 2 adult children so could be in this position but why would you keep moving a secret. Honestly if this is how you treat your children, don't have anymore. Do better to the ones you have already.

Op I can’t believe you’re for real. I honestly can’t.

I don’t understand why you don’t think it’s important to tell someone that they may be moving house at some point. The fact that it may not happen is totally irrelevant. It may not happen anyway even with your house on the market if the house fails to sell.

All you’re doing is messing everyone about, including the poor viewer. Your attitude is incredibly selfish. Please improve your behaviour before you think about having another baby.

Please dont have another baby if this is how you treat your children

Can understand why you don’t want to share that you are trying for a baby with your adult son but it will directly affect his living situation - moving house and potentially living with a new baby - it’s a lot to spring on him if it happens all at once especially if it’s his childhood home you’re selling.

You need to tell him what your plans are as he may decide he doesn’t want to move with you so can have time to make other living arrangements.

You’ve been caught out so better to be honest instead of lying about why you want him out of the house on his day off. He might go out but have to come back for whatever reason right in the middle of the viewing! I don’t imagine it’ll be good for your relationship if he finds out you lied and are secretly trying to sell his home from under him. Obviously your right to do that but be honest about it at least.

How bizarre. Your house is on the market and you’ve viewings happening yet you say you’re not sure if you’re selling? Someone could send him the right move link easily and he’d find out that way which is far worse?

This

When are you planning on telling him?

“Hey son you may have noticed these
men taking our furniture out to a van, it’s about time you knew we’re moving house, you’ve got 20mins to pack up your room and get out. We didn’t tell your earlier
cos it was none of your business”

We've just sold and bought (2 adults and a baby) and each adult over the age of 18 had to sign a legal document in relation to the sale of the house. I'm afraid he'll find out eventually 🤣

Of course it's his business, it's his home!!

I'm
Not sure how a move is unlikely, if the house is on the market and you are having viewings?

How is the parenting gig going for you OP? Your animosity towards your first child is coming out very strongly in this thread. How long did it take for your dh to turn you against your existing child? Now you want to replace him with another child and potentially make him homeless. Nice.

How are you going to manage the massive age gap between your kids. One is almost independent and now you want to go backwards and be stuck with a baby? The things some women do for men is just unbelievable.

He is your child op, don't forget this. Men and relationships come and go but your child must always come first.

Why would you consider having another child when you can't consider the child you've already got.
I'm doubting that any of it is true anyway.