To ask adult child to go out as we've made plans?

[yourekiddingme]

We have decided to look for a bigger house with a view to maybe trying for another baby, it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market.
We have an adult ds living at home and haven't mentioned anything to him as it's early days and we don't know if it'll happen yet, the move or baby.
Someone is coming to view on Saturday and ds works Saturdays which is why we arranged for Saturday, unfortunately we did have to let this lady down last week as a work issue came up so she's coming this Saturday instead.
Ds has just announced that he's booked this Saturday off throwing a spanner in the works.

I can't mess this woman around again and I particularly don't want to explain our maybe plans to ds at this stage which would be awkward if she comes to view and he's home.
AIBU to tell him we've made plans around him being at work and it's inconvenient that he's now home and ask that if he's not working on Saturday he's not home?
I think I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm just so annoyed.

If you’re not serious about moving then why are you wasting the time of your viewers? No point in them coming to see a house which you don’t even know if you’re selling or not

You can’t put your house on Rightmove and expect it to remain a secret.

I feel sorry for your son and the person viewing it. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to want him out of the way, but just be honest about why. It’s his home, so it really is his business.

He is very likely going to find out, why would you not discuss it with him? You need to talk to him!

Unbelievable.

Wow, some parents are just awful. How could you be such an arsehole to your own child?

Wow!!

Différent POV. I'm currently looking at houses and it is taking up huge amounts of my time. I would be seriously pissed off if the houses I was viewing weren't actually on the market because someone hadn't told their son!

How old is he? Why is he living at home?

23, he's not in a position to move out, nor does he need to.

You are considering selling his HOME, and don’t think it’s his business?

Unbelievable.

And if he doesn’t want to move with you, he will need time to find a new place in a very difficult rental market. At least do him the courtesy of telling him now - just as you would a lodger. Which seems to be about the level of the relationship.

So what if he doesn't tell you his plans - his plans presumably don't include you having to move house! Your plans could directly affect him, of course he needs to know.

I suspect he'll have more to say about it when he hears the house is up for sale on the grapevine, rather than you being straight with him...

I just don't understand this. My eldest is 22, I'd have told him at the 'idly thinking about it' stage AND HE DOESN'T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE!

I'm just finding your attitude towards him really rather horrible & very sad. I sincerely hope it's better than you've presented here. Actually, I hope this is just a troll post.

So you’re lying to your son and you’re lying to your viewers? This post isn’t panning out too well for you OP!

You can't communicate with the child you already have, yet you think it's wise to have another.

So you are 41+ and thinking about trying for a baby...

None of his business, OP seriously GET REAL!! Where do you think he's going to live? "Nor does he need to!" Move out - Where are you intending on living? Or do you think that's none of your business too? This will affect his whole life.. never mind you having a second baby!! You are honestly mad. You can't just pull the rug from under
YOUR SONS feet, you wouldn't even treat a lodger this way!!

If you have viewers you must already have your house on the market?

He’ll have to sign legal documents if you sell the house.

I always think people can’t shock me any more. And then they do. What sort of person are you???? Not a great parent to do this to your son. Why the hell are you even considering another? Your elder son is soon to be surplus to requirements when your new baby comes along. Unbelievable.

24 year age gap?!! Yikes.

It was obvious from the OP's initial post that either she or dh were going to be a step parent. I had hoped that perhaps she was the step mum, which might have at least explained her attitude a bit more, but sadly not.

It is frankly bizarre to think that putting a house on the market and considering a possible move could be not the business of other adults living in said house. Of course it's his business, he lives there!

Your son is not a toddler, he has the right to know about any potential changes to his living situation. I'm assuming that your marriage to dh is a fairly recent one and that ds and your partner don't get on? I can't see any other reason why you would need to be so secretive or treat your ds with so little courtesy and respect.

Tell him ASAP so that he can save up enough to move out. Sounds like it will be the best option all round.

So then it is his business and you should be honest with him.

I know he won't want to move, that's why I don't want to tell him in case it doesn't happen anyway, it was just something we wanted to keep to ourselves for now until we knew what we were doing.
Your house is for sale, you have viewings, it's clearly happening!
Sounds more to me like you want to secure a sale and spring it on him so there's no room for discussion.
Great way to push your son away.
You sound very odd and selfish.

The maths ain’t mathing

it's early days and we've only just put the house on the market

I can’t believe you’ve put the house on the market and not told him. He certainly didn’t need to agree, as it’s not his house but as he lives there he needs to know. How bizarre.

Also gobsmacked, you are ‘annoyed’ that he has taken a day off work when he didn’t know what was going on, and if he did may or may not have taken it off. Why does he need to be out for the full day? Surely just tell him the viewing is at x time, you are all going out and he can return any time after y, when it’s over (presuming an estate agent is showing them through?). If you are selling without an agent, why can’t he just go sit in the backyard for the duration if going out is inconvenient for him?

You were going to allow people to poke around his bedroom without telling him? Not surprised he isn't your joint son, but I am surprised it's his actual mum wanting to lie like this.