MILs aren't the most important mums on mother's day

[mrlistersgelfbride]

Clickbait title?! 🙈
I'm just wondering if anyone else's MILs makes mothers day all about them?
Ok my MIL had 4 children, but she isn't the only person who has kids!
I'm a mum (to 1) and wanted a nice day with DD, maybe tea of my choice. Nothing major.
It seems like it'll be another day tailored to MIL ie. We have to go to her house and have her favourite type of food, at a time that suits her. If I protest MIL or partner say 'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.
I never see my mum as she knows I'm busy, she's pretty low maintenance and is happy with a card and a text.
I don't have any specific plans but I just think it's selfish and a bit annoying that we all have to rush around to MILs.
AIBU?

Just don't go. It really is that simple.

I don’t see the need for the issue. Your partner can go see his mum on Mother’s Day, and you can go see your mum with your child. You don’t have to do everything as a 3!

You don't have to go. Take DC to see your mum, relax, have a cuppa, then hand DC over to DH to go for her big day at hers! Run bath. Music on. Chill.

Just don't. It's honestly that simple. Arrange to see your mum, or make plans to do something with just your family. That's probably easier to do if you want to make an excuse not to see her, rather than just staying home. Then next year will be easier as you've broken the habit.

If I don't go I'll be on my own and I didn't really want that. Plus it'll cause arguments.

Why will you be on your own when you have both a child, and a mum?

MIL will get upset if partner doesn't take DD to see her.
My mum not doubt will have other plans as she knows I don't get to see her on mother's day. I suppose I could check though.

As others said I'd start a new tradition of seeing your mum with your daughter. Do something special you both like. You'll have a rubbish time with your mother in law and won't win the argument

She isn’t your DDs mum though. If you want to pander to her then YABU to moan about it. She’s only as important as you make her.

Well if your mother isn’t bothered, and mil is, go to her for a few hours, then home to your non specific plans.

Your DH is the problem here for not standing up to his own mother.

Why does he think all 3 of you should always go make a fuss of his mother every year and not yours? Why does what YOU want as the most recent mother who is doing far more parenting than the woman with the grown up kids not matter to him? Ask him.

That's so true! I don't think anyone has won an arguement against her 😅 thank you.

It's Mother's Day, not Grandmother's Day so why would your partner take your child with him/her ?
So yes you and your child can do something together, if you want to.

I will ask!

Your poor mum op.

Maybe she's low maintenance compared to mil but actually maybe she would like to see you as well?

Over all, you do what you want in mother day and let your partner see his mum?

100%

Quiet word to your mum - no need to get into specifics about why you're asking - and say you're feeling you'd love a mum get-together after all? And have a nice Sunday lunch with your mum and child together?

I do think you need to point out to your DP that if he wants to raise his own child to value Mother's Day, then probably he does need to balance doing something nice for his mum, with making sure something nice is done for you.

Is your mum really low maintenance or has she just lowered her expectations and doesn't make a fuss when you don't make an effort?

Send your DP to his mum and you see yours with your child.

I agree, in maybe 12 years with my partner I might have seen my mum twice for a short time. She isn't low maintenance, she is just used to it.

MIL just makes life difficult, I take the easy option not to offend her as it's like dealing with a bear with a sore head when anyone does.

You could word your mum up then you say to partner actually mum really wants us to come for brunch / lunch/ the afternoon so dd and I are going there. Would be lovely if you came obviously, it’s Mother’s Day and I’m mother to your child, but I won’t make you.

Don't let yourself become a martyr, it just breeds resentment.

"I think I'll duck out of coming to your mum's as I fancy doing something that I'll enjoy for mother's day this year. I might take dd to my mum's, perhaps we can coordinate times so we can spend the rest of the day togther".

Done.

She doesn't make a fuss. You can probably tell we are both passive types!
It's like an unwritten rule now that we always see MIL, it never bothered me much before I became a mum but now it does.

Great idea, thanks.

Spend the day with your DD and if your Mum wants to do something you could spend time with her too. MIL doesn't get to dictate what you do or what your DD does unless you let her. If it causes an argument with your DH then you definitely have a DH problem.
Put your foot down or it'll always be this way. Make new traditions as it's your day too now you're a Mum and a family. Don't let people boss you around and walk all over you, say what you want to do and do it. If DH wants to visit his Mum on Mother's Day he can, you and your DD can do something else and MIL will have to get used to it.