MILs aren't the most important mums on mother's day

[mrlistersgelfbride]

Clickbait title?! 🙈
I'm just wondering if anyone else's MILs makes mothers day all about them?
Ok my MIL had 4 children, but she isn't the only person who has kids!
I'm a mum (to 1) and wanted a nice day with DD, maybe tea of my choice. Nothing major.
It seems like it'll be another day tailored to MIL ie. We have to go to her house and have her favourite type of food, at a time that suits her. If I protest MIL or partner say 'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.
I never see my mum as she knows I'm busy, she's pretty low maintenance and is happy with a card and a text.
I don't have any specific plans but I just think it's selfish and a bit annoying that we all have to rush around to MILs.
AIBU?

This deserves a hallelujah.

It's also people who claim to be empathetic who can actually only read those with very loud and public emotions, not quiet or demure people.

As an introvert at work, I was always getting pushed aside by a manager who was always keen that the "gnashers and wailers" had their feelings appeased - I had plenty of feelings, I just wasn't loud with them!

Cant alm mums spemd toem with their children on mothers day? Noone is more important than the other

Personally, as a mother and now a MiL, I couldn’t care less about mothers’ day. It’s a commercial opportunity. I don’t need a trail
to my door with overpriced flowers and ‘chocs’. Same with Valentine’s day.

So did you used to see your mum before you ended up with your partner?

I really don't understand people who go through life being so... passive. Come on OP, you deserve to have a nice mother's day, you have feelings and wants and needs too, it's not just about MIL! Shame on your partner for putting these expectations on you.

Don’t do this. My MIL is just the same and I’ve missed so much time with my family that I’ll never get back. And it was still not enough, the woman still doesn’t like me and has no sense that she has had far more than her fair share

Yup it irritates me every year, that the whole weekend becomes about seeing the grandmother's and keeping them happy and not about me who is also a mother. I'm buggering off to work this year instead!

‘DP, it’s been your mother’s turn for 12 years. Do you know I also have a mother? And that I’m also a mother. It’s time to start putting more value into me and my side of the family.’

He sounds extremely selfish, and deliberately sought out a passive partner so he could always get his way. Don’t put up with it anymore.

No but there is an unspoken official “ranking” of mums in these scenarios. For example, a new mum, the oldest mum in the extended family, or a mum who has just lost a child will all place above a run of the mill mum for that year

Your mum has got the right idea.
The rest of you sound like hard work.

By definition MILs are mothers so I think you mean why do some mothers make it all about them. The MIL bashing on here is tedious.

Why does all of it have to take up the whole day too? We see MIL first thing (10ish) for a coffee and to take her gift as they are early risers. We then either go and see my Mum after that, or my Mum and Dad might both come round later afternoon for a roast - which DH cooks. If they don't come round for a roast (either set of parents) we then still have the afternoon free. It differs each year but surely it's easy enough to make time for everyone and still relax yourself in the afternoon/evening.

I'm the same, I've got 4 and won't see any of them on Sunday, will see one on Saturday but that isn't linked to Mother's Day. Two of my sons will be spending Sunday with their MILs.

I'd suggest a Mother's Day get together - you, your mum, MIL, DH and DD. For a nice brunch somewhere with a mothers day special. No one gets excluded or pandered to. You can all celebrate this lovely occasion 💐

As the mother of 3 sons my experience is it is the wife's mother who calls the tune, fortunately it doesn't worry me but Christmas and Mother's Day is always with the wife's family and the same seems to apply with my friends.

She’s not your mum, you don’t have to see her. And as much as your mum may be saying she’s fine with not seeing you, she’s probably kinda hurt that you make the effort for your partners mum and not for her. Go see your own mum and leave your DP to see his.

Both mine and DH’s mothers are dead, pretty young too.

I honestly think you should value and soak in this time, if not for yourself but your DC. See more of your Mum too.

Speaking from experience, looking back on days like Mother’s Day now, it gives comfort that I had those days with my Mother and Grandmother… even though at the time it could be a nause in parts… I really miss them and wish I had the opportunity to be with them again. DH is the same.

Just to give you a different perspective; you’re very blessed to have the opportunity.

It’s just a day created by card companies. I think ppl make way too bigger deal then needs be. It’s a nice way to send a card or flowers and show some appreciation to our mums but it doesn’t need to cause the upset I’ve see It cause on here.

It is ridiculous that a day that should really be about appreciation and relaxation turns into a day of pressure
It's like the families who split themselves into a million pieces at Christmas and get no time for just their immediate family

MIL doesnt make it difficult - you just have a husband that wants to see his mum/too weak to say no.

Go see your mum with your daughter, your partner can see his mum.
His mum can't complain about DD not being there as you're spending time with your child and your mum on mother's day, and her child (her son) is with her, so everyone is with their mums.

For us, the most important person on mother's day is the mother of young children.
Adults mothers can be seen another day, as they had their special time when their kids were young- it's now the newer parents turn.
The grandparents can have a special day the day before.
I'd be really upset if my husband chose him mother, rather than spend a special day as a family with me and his kids. I do the same with my mum.

We split the weekend and see one of our mums on the Saturday, the other on the Sunday. I get breakfast in bed both days and a card and gift on the Sunday. It works for us.

This!
It seems to be a new thing, a generation of women who used to enjoy their mother’s day with their nuclear family as young mums but now still want to be the center of the celebration at the detriment of the next generation of mothers.

Just say no, it's mother's day - not grandparent's day, your DD is spending the day with her mother.