MILs aren't the most important mums on mother's day

[mrlistersgelfbride]

Clickbait title?! 🙈
I'm just wondering if anyone else's MILs makes mothers day all about them?
Ok my MIL had 4 children, but she isn't the only person who has kids!
I'm a mum (to 1) and wanted a nice day with DD, maybe tea of my choice. Nothing major.
It seems like it'll be another day tailored to MIL ie. We have to go to her house and have her favourite type of food, at a time that suits her. If I protest MIL or partner say 'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.
I never see my mum as she knows I'm busy, she's pretty low maintenance and is happy with a card and a text.
I don't have any specific plans but I just think it's selfish and a bit annoying that we all have to rush around to MILs.
AIBU?

I feel like my future self could have written this if I'm able to have children!

Something I'll be suggesting is that we see parents on the Saturday, I know it's not the actual day but surely the day before could be considered acceptable?!

I'm also from a much more reserved family who are happy with a gift and card, his are much more into making a big thing about mother's day or father's day

As someone who has lost their mom, I would say please go and make an extra special effort to do something with your mom. You'll never get those years back. Don't let her play second fiddle to your MIL.

Do whatever you want to do with your dd, and your dh can go to his mum. You don't have to drop everything for his mum, and if he really wants to go there let him go alone, since it's his mum and she makes such a big fuss if it!

I’m very grateful for everything my MiL does and she helps us out a lot! But only as much as my mum and my mum is the first to say spend Mother’s Day doing what you want, you’re a mum and it’s your day. How about we see each other the day before or the day after if you want.
My MIL does not give this option and neither does my OH. So much so we have plans tomorrow around my MILs plans with her other child - which have also changed since we made our arrangements so now we’re stuck going out for food at a time I didn’t want, to a place that was about the MIL, only a couple of hours after she’s now eating with other family!

You mean you'll cause an argument?
He's not your Mum, let him go see her and you go see your Mum.

If I protest MIL or partner say 'But you can't not see your mum on mother's day!'.

Then go and see your mum and if they complain remind them of the above.

Wouldn't you rather be alone than at mils?

Let them try to argue, just say "that doesn't work for me" refuse to be drawn into an argument

It's only a situation if you ALLOW it to be! If you haven't put your foot down by now, then more fool you. You say you don't see your mam, and she's happy with that - are you sure about that? I bet she'd love nothing more than to see her daughter and her family??? It may be too late for this year but please, start making plans early for next year! Mil can't have all her own way. Organise ASAP to be spending mothers day, as a family, with your mother and get mil to wait her turn. Arrange a different day to see her, near to the actual day. Sadly, we don't have any of our own parents still alive so I'm the only mother but, our 'special event days' are ALWAYS movable because it can be difficult for us all ( me, husband, 3x adult children) to get together. It just so happens that mothers day this year is also our sons birthday! I wlll be taking a backseat! I've offered to have mothers day another time - it's been in June, August, and September in previous years! It's one day for gods sake, it doesn't have to be THAT day, its any day I can get my lovely family together! As an aside, when grandparents were alive we would alternate - Christmas day HIS family come to us and mine come on boxing day, the next year we switch them around - mine get Christmas and his get boxing day. It always amazes me when people say "we ALWAYS have to do etc" - well, no, you don't, you have a tongue in your head, change things!

When you are married I always say there are 2 sets of parents. DH always insisted on both mothers coming for tea, he did do all the work even some of the shopping. DC were made to help. It was my day and he cooked lunch as well. I began to feel that once in a while they didn't come and we visited briefly, but it wasn't an option.
Now I never expect to be invited to DC, when I am it's special, they now are mothers and need time with their DC. What I am trying to say is, you have 2 mothers between you, short visits and the rest of the day is yours

You only get one mum and I don’t know why you wouldn’t spend the day with your own and DD instead of MIL. Stand up for yourself, make plans with your mum…..simple!

Take your daughter to see your own mother.

Let your husband sort his own mum out.

Stop dancing to her tune.

I feel this pain. Mother’s Day for me is cooking dinner for my mother (93) and MIL (88). There is no solution.

You sound as though you want it all about you too. Your poor mum. Doesn’t demand-gets a text and a card.

Oh I get this fully. My MIL wants us every Mother’s Day. Easter Sunday. Bank holidays. We’ve started saying no as she doesn’t treat us right rest of the time, she’s not nice with me. SIL gets childcare while she works we never got offered. This year my DH has booked us a meal and said he will drop a card/flowers in the afternoon. My own Mum is low maintenance too yet would go to the ends of the earth for us. My MIL is mean and very selfish yet expects us to panda to her. I feel you.

So many posts complaining about Mothers Day here, don't people know how to communicate with each other 😳

I never see my mum as she knows I'm busy, she's pretty low maintenance and is happy with a card and a text

Make sure you see your Mum

Don't take her for granted

Low maintenance doesn't mean she wouldn't love to see you

exactly this - you see you mother and your daughter on Mother’s Day. He goes and his mum.

I really do hope you’ve stood up for yourself and told DH you’ve made other plans this year for you and DD

Don't go, you're a grown up with a family of your own. You choose what you do and when, who you and why. Mother's day may be special to her, but it's special to you and your mum too. My DP took his mum's presents round yesterday, as he knows today is my day now too. I have got alot better at setting my boundaries since my youngest was born last year. If I dont want to see MIL or anyone for that matter, I don't. Regardless of the arguments it may cause, Your MIL will soon realise the world doesn't revolve around her 😊

You should be making more of an effort with your mum. Maybe you could alternate between the two mums each year and go the day before to the mum who won't be seen on the Sunday or invite both mums out to your house for dinner.

One day they won’t be here and you will miss them.

Everything causes arguments. That is how life is.

Why does he get his way over yours. Stand up for yourself

You're stuck because you've agreed to something you don't want to do!

I balance both. I book a nice meal out for myself and my children (pred text changed it to chicken, which I'd be happy with too). Often it will be brunch. Then we will go to my mother's for tea. Sometimes we combine things and all go out for lunch. If she's got 4 sons, then perhaps they (inc your husband) all enjoy a big family get together and she feels that it's also giving you a break from the cooking. It's not a battle of who's the most important here. But you should get to feel special by doing what you would like to for part of the day (whether breakfast in bed, and a lazy morning or brunch out). It's for your husband to achieve the balance.