That I don't need to pay

[Notcms]

Opinions pls as I don't not know anymore if IABU.
I am a resident parent whose children go to other parent 2 nights every 14.
I am a high earner, and non-resident parent is a mw earner who works part-full time.
I am being told by professionals involved with the children that the difference in the childrens lifestyle is not fair, and I should be financially supporting the non resident parent.
I do not claim CMS or anything from the other parent although obviously I am entitled to.
Aibu to not hand over money to non resident parent who say they are struggling....or should I pay something?

No. They can get a job for the 12 days they are childless

Which professionals are these then?

Unfair on whom and how is this unfairness manifesting for the kids?

No. The parent who has the children for the majority of the time does not need to pay the parent who only has them a few days a month.

Unless a court has decided otherwise I suppose.

I'd reassure the other parent that the children want to spend time with them and that's what's important.

You need to provide more info. What professionals and why?

This? Presumably the resident carer clothes them, takes them on holidays etc and pays for activities etc, so how is it impacting the children when they are at the other parents?

Meant to ask which professionals are these?

Also, if your children are going hungry for example then you need to step in of course.

What professionals are involved with your children and saying this?

What professionals?
They have a cheek telling you this when you don’t even claim CM.
In your shoes I would say buy a bed for ds to use at the other house (one off that ds benefits from) but I wouldn’t give cash. He works part-time when he has 12 days a fortnight free.

To change the kids lifestyles with the other parent - assuming you pay for all their clothes, hobbies etc anyway - you'd have to be supporting them to live in a better place? A bigger house for example so you'd have to be stumping up rent costs? I'm not sure how much of a high earner you are but that could make a significant dent.

I think if you are earning missions then maybe they have a point... but otherwise...

The only way I can imagine you're being unreasonable is in extreme circumstances. Like you're dropping them to the nrp with no clothes because they should provide them, or no allowing them do hobbies because you'll only pay half etc

That's for a court to decide. Not so-called professionals. Nothing to do with them.

I am being told by professionals

Who are these professionals?

Is ex your ex spouse or partner? Was S/he a SAHP when you were together enabling you to work?

The only thing I can't think of is if they are significantly disadvantaged at the NRP house, are they clothed/warm/fed?

otherwise no, the NRP needs to work more in their 12(!) free days.

I, too, want to know who these "professionals" are. Because it sounds like bollocks to me.

And the OP never came back to clarify lol.

How far does being 'fair' go? One parent has a ddog and the other one must also get 1? Same reg car so dc don't get bullied by peers? Same holiday bookings? Both sets of dgps have to spend the same amount? Other parent needs a fucking full time job.

Why does the NR parent work part-time? And how many hours is part time?
Also, what is the difference in lifestyle?

I do know women who receive spousal maintenance still...I thought that was virtually non-existent anymore. So they are able to work part-time even though they share custody.

I think if there is extreme disparity that is affecting the children going to tge other parents house, but the NR parent is doing all they can, then paying for things that affect the children....if you can afford it...would be charitable.

Do they have beds and bedding?
If the house is damp then money toward heating when they are there.
If there is no food send them with meals?
You don't HAVE to, but if I could afford it I wouldn't see any child unfed let alone my own.

Lots to untangle here- you say "professionals " so perhaps they are lawyers? Involved in your divorce perhaps? You don't mention marital status nor any details of relationship prior to the current state of affairs. If there were a marriage then the professionals you are consulting will know far more about the state of affairs than we do. The lack of information in fact makes me think this is designed to elicit immediate agreement of your reasonableness op.

Given the limited information here, nothing suggests that you should pay the non resident parents anything. But I doubt the circumstances are quite as cut and dry given the involvement of professionals

Professionals? Do you mean social services? Why are they involved?

@catscalledbeanz It's generally a term used in the public sector for Social Services, police, doctors, Health Visitor, Midwife etc. Professionals in their field.

I do not claim CMS or anything from the other parent although obviously I am entitled to.

If you are entitled to claim but don't then you are already financially supporting the NRP.

If they only have the children for 2 out of 14 days then, unless there is a health issue, they have time to work towards improving their own income.

Pretty sure the resounding mumsnet opinion is that the equalisation of lifestyle argument only works one way. NRPs should pay RPs more if they’re well off but by the their way round

Ok so if the professionals are doctors or social services , they know far more than the limited info given here. In fact if it were social services or doctors surely their advice would be taken with a measure of trust and gravitas? If they told me that the disparity was soo great between my children's two homes I'd take note. There would be a reason they'd say it. Social services ime really don't care about anything but the gravest of situations (not through any lack of interpret or empathy, it is simply that they don't have the funds to! )

I just can't see why the op who has the advice of professionals who have all the information is asking the internet whilst giving very little information- unless it's to reinforce their already decided opinion