That I don't need to pay

[Notcms]

Opinions pls as I don't not know anymore if IABU.
I am a resident parent whose children go to other parent 2 nights every 14.
I am a high earner, and non-resident parent is a mw earner who works part-full time.
I am being told by professionals involved with the children that the difference in the childrens lifestyle is not fair, and I should be financially supporting the non resident parent.
I do not claim CMS or anything from the other parent although obviously I am entitled to.
Aibu to not hand over money to non resident parent who say they are struggling....or should I pay something?

Absolutely not - they could work full time in the other 12 days they don’t have the kids

It is NRP who is crying poverty — has this been documented or is social worker just accepting his sob story?

There has been no transparency re finances post the court case.
So it does seem at present that everyone is simply accepting that there is no money.
I have decided to open a CMS claim so I can at least get an idea of what is going on - I assume that info will be given.

You would be able to work out your ex income from the amount you get.

how long have you been divorced?

Does the NRP know of your plan, OP?

@Notcms I think that is very unreasonable of you to be honest. Sounds like you just want to give the NRP a really hard time here, to punish them. You are the higher earner and at the moment you have the higher ground by NOT asking for maintenance.

I think you're better way to make a decision would be to speak to your children first and find out what they think of the living arrangements when they are with NRP? It is only 4 nights a month they are spending with the NRP - so if they are warm, fed and have a bed to sleep in when with the NRP and the NRP doesn't mistreat them then they have what is necessary for those very few nights/days they are with the NRP surely?

They are clearly not very little children, so what age are they? Also, why are you still going to therapy if there has already been a financial settlement agreed by the courts? Or was that an interim agreement? Cafcass usually only get involved until a court has finished deciding what is in the best interests of the children. But you say this cafcass appointed person is still involved? A lot more information would be helpful here. Also what was the reason for the divorce? Was there someone else involved on either side?

Op you can get an idea of how much he should be paying if you have a ballpark of his salary - go to the CMS website and play around with the Numbers. Say minimum wage, 35 hours a week, 2 kids (plus the other he lives with, which will bring it down a bit too, sorry), gives a figure of £225 per month. No need to open a case with them.

This is what you are ALREADY subsidising him OP. By not claiming CMS he is already up £225 a month.

If your children are not able to eat adequately, bathe, or have safe shelter for the two nights every fortnight that they’re with their dad, then yes.

you do not seek any support for the 12/14 nights that you have your children, so the suggestion that you should contribute for 2/14 nights sounds odd?

I am curious to know who these professionals are? What kind of message does it send to your children, that they should always have access to luxury, because mum can provide it?

my parents have a smaller house than mine, live in a less affluent area etc, but I don’t take sushi and fancy toys when my children visit the home that I grew up in, for example. They actually really enjoy being indulged by their grandparents in terms of time and attention and easier-little telling off! I know it’s different as you are referencing a parent, but come on…

Gosh. I would say do NOT hand over cash at all. But that's me. Obviously you can pay for for them to enjoy an event if you want to.
So liaise with other parent and say would you like to go to...with our children and if it's a yes please, then its in the children's best interests to have a great day with other parent. Or a meal and play at..

However, the " Works store " do amazing crafts and you can create memories by a movie night in and crafts . Really cheaply.

Tell social services or whoever it is to get stuffed and your not handing over hard earned cash but your open to pay entry to places occasionally or give a gift card for the Works store or a tescos voucher for groceries.

This isn't control but your divorced for a reason and that your reluctant to hand over cash.

Surely the other parent can think outside the box as you can do amazing things cost effective. Ie painting and picnics or get a canvas and do some abstract fun which is something they can keep and anyone can do.

I was on your side of things until you said you opened a cms claim to gain knowledge of finances. Now I'm on the side of you being controlling. I'd personally give the kids some spending money and leave it at that. I'm surprised the therapist is telling you to give money to the ex because of self esteem, that's person's self esteem is not your responsibility. They probably need the money for other stuff but shouldn't be asking you for it. The fact that you pay for all clothes, school supplies, etc for their kids is more than enough support.

I would just make it clear that if they raise the issue of you supporting them again, you will make a claim via CMS.

They're taking the piss: only has your mutual child EOW, went on to bring another child into the world with someone else while working part time at a non-high paying job, and has the audacity to demand that you fund these lifestyle choices while you're working your arse off and have your child and related expenses 90% of the time. Plus, you pay for ongoing activities they do while at your ex's house.

Completely out of order.

Personally i dont feel it's your responsibility to have to pay for these things and I think it's unfair of the therapist to suggest it's your responsibility.
If activities are being done while the children are in the non resident parents care that's for them to pay! It's the least they could do. If they don't have the funds then that's ok too. I think non resident parent expectingvthe money is a bit "grabby"