To be happy DD is going away with ExH for 4 days? My family say I am

[ExSILsWedding]

Ex-SIL is getting married during the Easter Holidays, DD aged 9, is her maid of honour and only bridesmaid (she will be supported by Ex-MIL and ExH).

To allow Ex-SIL to get married near to her DPs parents house which is 3 hours from us, ExH and Ex-PILs are taking DD away for 4 days during the first week of the Easter Holidays (ExH and Ex-PIL live in the next town along to me and DD, Ex-SIL is also nearby but not sure exactly where).

I cannot wait. I never get 4 days to myself, I’ve got AL booked as I was expecting to have to look after DD but now don’t need to, so I can just chill, and drink wine – DD has a disability so I very rarely drink alcohol due to the need to be alert, Ex-MIL can cope with DDs disability though so I have no concerns.

My parents especially but also members of my extended family are saying I shouldn’t be so happy DD is going away, won’t I miss her? Telling me I’m wishing away her childhood and can’t wait for her to move out and that DD will pick up on my negativity.

I will miss her, but I am also excited for her. She loves her Aunt and sees her dad and grandparents regularly (EOWend for 2 nights plus half the holidays) so it’s not a huge worry that she’s going to be away from me. I want DD to enjoy her time away and to help her learn to cope with her conditions in a new environment, this is exactly what I want for her – to not be reliant on me for the rest of her life. They’re not leaving the UK, they’re not even leaving England, so if something does go wrong DD can have treatment with no issues as her dad has PR.

I love my DD with all my heart, but my job as her parent and carer is not to make her dependent on me but to show her how to live with her conditions that are never going away and also to let her have fun without me.

But the way my parents are going on you’d think I want rid of my DD for good. Keep telling me DD will hate me for letting her go and as her carer she should never be without me because I am her registered carer (DD gets DLA and I get carers allowance even though I work).

AIBU to be excited for DD and really looking forward to the rest?

YANBU!

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Good for both of you!

Your attitude is perfectly normal and I hope you and your DD both have a wonderful few days.

Your parents and extended family are batshit crazy.

You say that your DD sees the other part of her family every other weekend and half the holidays, so it’s not as if it’s the first time she’s been apart from you. As a grandparent, I understand how hard my children work to bring up their children, so I can’t really see where your parents are coming from - is there a chance that they feel you should have been invited to the wedding too?

Enjoy your time away and if family keep having a go, tell them to F off!

DH and I just went away Friday to Monday without of teens for the first time. It was so lovely to have time to ourselves. We did speak to them both at least twice a day (DS was home alone for second time, first for whole weekend and DD was staying at two different family members house).

There is nothing wrong with needing and wanting a break away from being a parent.

Bloody heck your family are being silly! You enjoy your "me" days and I'm sure your DD will have a wonderful day being a bridesmaid.

Hmmm.... I wonder if they are jealous/threatened by your ex-PIL? That they
provide childcare when your parents don't? Are they worried that your DD may enjoy her time with the ex-PIL more than time spent with them?
Whatever the reason, they need to get over themselves. YANBU

YANBU to me it a win win. You get a break and your DH gets a new experience to expand her horizons

Absolutely not! Tell them to bog off and open that bottle of wine (or two).

Enjoy your short break to the full. Most normal people would love a couple of days without their kids it’s perfectly normal. Tell them to feck orf.

Oh, for goodness' sake. Ignore your family. It isn't as if you are shipping her off alone to the darkest, coldest reaches of Siberia! She's having a lovely trip with her father, and will have a wonderful time! She will be with responsible people who love her. And you will have four days to recharge your batteries. Enjoy them, knowing that she will be enjoying them as well.

It's only 4 days, your family sound crackers that you are "wishing away her childhood" yeah in a whole 4 days?
FOUR DAYS is a tiny amount of time!! Absolute nonsense they are spouting.

Theres nothing "negative" about a Mum getting some time to herself. We all deserve time to do stuff we enjoy ourselves. We are more than Mum, we are a person too.

Enjoy every moment of your much deserved break and ignore their stupid stupid selfish comments.

I'm so angry on your behalf.

Do you family gaslight you often?

I wasn't allowed to do them at all so I think it's just the way they are, they say it's unnatural for DC to be away from their mums.

Ye gods.

Just read this update. How fucking bizarre. They are totally subscribed to the Mummy Martyr theory aren't they? Or complete control freaks. Mad.

Either way, no normal person would ever deny you the time to yourself. Your DD will be FINE!

I hope you take comfort from an unusual 100% yanbu .

Enjoy the time and ignore your parents whilst she is away .

it will do you both world of good .

Your family is weird. Your daughter gets to have a lovely time cared for by people who love her and you get some much needed down time. Win/win. Ignore the misery guts.

They're being absolutely ridiculous. It's 4 bloody days, not 4 years. She'll enjoy the break away, you'll enjoy the break, nothing wrong with it. I'd be excited too.

When i was a lone parent dc went away regularly for weekends /weeks even 3.5 weeks.
I loved it. They got to get to travel and have experiences.
I got time to be me and not mum.

Now i have more dcs and married . We never have even an evening child free. Its a dream 😂

What a sensible , loving mum to encourage your daughter to become independent and acknowledge her good relationship with her dad and family .Enjoy your free time you’ve earned it .

My parents would do all kinds of childcare to cover work days or the occasional evening out and were amazing grandparents but my mother was terrible for laying on the guilt if I ever left them with their father overnight while i was visiting friends! How could i do this purely just to 'enjoy myself'!! Really bizarre! My Dad used to just roll his eyes 😁

Relax and have fun
remeber bad news travels fast. If anything goes wrong, you will hear soon enough
but parent and grandparents are grownups and can cope.
have fun and relax x

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Doesn't sound like they do much caring for her so have no idea how it is for you. I hope you are able to develop this relationship to get a regular break in the future

It's four days! You deserve a break. Dunno why your family can't see that it will only do your relationship with your DD good to have a few days to yourself. Happy and relaxed parent can only contribute to a happy and relaxed child.

Absolutely not! Enjoy some time to yourself!

Enjoy !!!

How could anyone think this is unreasonable? She is staying with the other half of her family. And everyone needs a rest!

I have a 5 month old. Tonight I am going out for dinner with my friends & without my baby. I am very excited. I love every inch of my wonderful baby but have zero guilt about spending a few hours just being me.

have an awesome few days off op! 😊